Spring Brings New Life....In a Messy Sort of Way

In the past couple weeks, my life has taken me on a journey of highs and lows. Although most people would never know what I've all been processing and what's been happening, there has been a process of breaking and healing happening. And it feels strangely reminiscent of former years. It seems so often that this time of year for me is a time of painful growth. And then I looked outside and found that my life inside is strangely reminiscent of the world outside.

Spring is coming! There's hope. The freezing winter temperatures are giving way to numbers above zero! It's so exciting. And I look forward to sunshine, warm weather, robins, daffodils, the beach. But today when I look outside, it's kind of yuck. You see, spring doesn't come overnight and the process often leaves things a little messy. As temperatures rise, the snow melts and the white picturesque landscape gives way to one a little less picturesque. Mounds and drifts of snow that were once glistening white get dirty as they shrink and melt away. Patches of exposed earth reveal mud, debris, and dead grass. Nighttime brings in fog and thick mists that last into the afternoon, making very little distinguishable in the distance. Winter was beautiful and summer will be too, but for awhile things look a little dreary and gross. Ah, this is so reminiscent of what has happened in my spiritual life so many times.

The weather as it is now makes for great maple syrup weather. With freezing temperatures at night and single digits warm during the day, the sap is running. But in order for that sap to become the rich, amber syrup I pour on my pancakes, it has to go through a long refining process. The sap is greatly reduced and purified as it's boiled down more and more. Ah, this too, is reminiscent of my life.

As I reflect on the last eight years of my life, the spring months have often been difficult. They have also often been seasons of growth, seasons where I have drawn closer to God, or gotten to know His love more deeply. They have been seasons where the direction of my life has taken a dramatic change. I have left one path to take another people couldn't understand. I have wrestled with God, as He broke my will, brought me to confession, repentance, and painful obedience. I have been in such dark, deep valleys I wished I could just go home to be with Jesus instead of face what was ahead. They have been times of physical illness or spiritual healing as I worked through deep pain and brokenness. They have been seasons like the one I see outside right now. The ice and snow melting away to reveal an ugliness I would much rather keep blanketed in white.

And it has been in these times where I have gotten to know God more. These times happen at other times of the year, not just the spring months. The times I get to know the Father that loves, cherishes and holds me, the One who chastens me because of the depths of His love for me, and breaks me so He can clean and heal the wounds. I get to know Jesus more, the Lover and Prince Who pursues me relentlessly, and wants to take me as His bride. I learn to understand the Spirit, that the conviction I often experience is evidence that I am indeed a child of God, and that He does not ask something of me without giving the comfort, peace and strength to do it. I get to know the God who breaks me and heals me, gently asks me to face the pain, not to hurt me, but because He desperately wants to use it for good. 

It's times, like the moments in the last few weeks that I feel God in a way I can't explain, even when I'm not doing anything normally considered spiritual. It's in the moments that I sense He is moving and saying something, even if I can't understand what it is. It's in the moments, my joy turns to tears because of what I feel inside...He's there. The time I look outside and see the melting snow creating pools and streams, the fog that clouds everything over, and I know this is what it's like. This is what it's often like when God moves and does something new. Sometimes it gets ugly and messy and we have to face a lot of uncomfortable stuff, and things are cloudy and for awhile we can't see clearly what's in front of us. It's when I think of the maple trees and how the sap has to be refined and I see, this is what the Christian life is like. Or just the moments I smile when I see a little girl with Down Syndrome delightedly licking away at a giant swirly lollipop (the kind most parents can't stand) and I feel like I see Jesus.

Can we hold on to these moments? The moments God speaks and brings new life, the moments He shows us His love, or the way He reveals things to us in the simple, everyday things, or the changing of the seasons?

And I think how in just a few weeks the church will celebrate the death, burial, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus, wherein lies our salvation, our hope of eternal life. We always celebrate in spring, amid all the symbols of new life. In spring, we celebrate the New Life that He came to give. And when it happened, it was a messy Spring. It was an agonizing spring that brought that new life, the hardest Jesus had to endure. The grief that made Him drip blood like sweat. The brutal torture he endured. The death He died on a cross as He bore the sin of man and the wrath of God. The darkness that covered the earth as men feared and trembled. The three silent days when those who loved Him feared hope was lost.

Then in one moment. The empty tomb. The shed grave clothes. NEW LIFE!

 But oh, it was a messy Spring.

In order for life to happen, things often get messy first, or downright painful. We see it in nature, in the changing of the seasons, and in the cross. Any mother that has ever given birth can certainly testify to this truth as well. But following the pain, that baby takes it's first breath and utters a cry....and it's beautiful.

Right now things look somewhat dreary and messy outside. But the days are coming where the grass will be thick and lush, the flowers will bloom, the trees will bud, and the robins will sing. And God desires to do the same things in our lives, to bring life and healing out of darkness and pain, to make beautiful what is dirty and messy now.

This is what God does. He brings new life in messy ways. And sometimes we have to wrestle with Him to get it.

"When we get so close to God in our wrestling that He breathes on us, life happens." --Trudy Metzger

You're NOT Hopeless (Despite What The Message May Suggest)

Note: Prior to reading this, I want the reader to understand a few things. It has been a long time since I have written something like this. What follows is my perspective on a paraphrase of the Bible, but more than that, it's the truth I came to see through it. This is about so much more than The Message.  I make no efforts to be politically correct. I don't think I need to. Even if you don't agree with my perspective on The Message, or my faith, I ask you to consider the rest of what I have to say. Please, please, read down to the end.

As part of my New Year's Resolution, yesterday I decided to read The Message, Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of the Bible, for my devotions. I had never read The Message before, except for excerpts quoted in books. To say I don't think highly of Bible paraphrases is putting it lightly, but the opinion is not based on much personal experience. I currently read the ESV, and aside from that I most frequently go back to the KJV, although I have also read a few other translations.

Reading The Message for myself was about putting my religiosity aside. It was about actually reading something for myself instead of just forming opinions based on what I read from other sources. I basically picked up where I was reading and ended up reading Matthew 20 - 24, which I had to do online, since I don't have a print copy. I decided, that as much as I wanted to, I was not going to pick up my ESV Bible and compare while reading. Having said that, this morning I read through the same chapters in the ESV.

As I was reading through the passages, a lot of it, especially the parables, didn't surprise me too much. It reminded me of how a speaker might expound on a passage in his message to simplify it or help the reader understand what is being said. I felt that there was some inconsistency in the language used. Peterson seemed to randomly switch between staying close to the original text and using modern language and analogies.

There were several times I found myself going "Really?!" in disbelief at how Peterson said something. At other times, I admit I had ideas of how he could have said something better. Before I go any further and get to the real point of my article, I want to say this: What I'm not saying is that people shouldn't read The Message. I can see that it could be useful, and also allows the reader to understand what something might look like today, that we can't necessarily relate to in 2015 North America. However, I do not think it can be read as the Word of God for solid teaching and instruction. It could be a useful supplement, but I don't think it should be used as a primary source for teaching and searching for truth.

As I read, I think the chapter that unsettled me the most was Matthew 23. Here Peterson deviates a lot from Jesus actually said and replaces with modern analogies. Where Jesus pronounces woes on the scribes and Pharisees, Peterson writes "I've had it with you! You're hopeless, you religion scholars, you Pharisees! Frauds!" (Matthew 23:13) The ESV translation says "But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!" In the following verses, where the ESV uses "Woe to you", Peterson uses "You're hopeless".

This made me stop and think. Jesus would not say that. I really couldn't believe that Jesus would look at a group of people and call them hopeless. I couldn't believe that Jesus would write the scribes and Pharisees off as a hopeless case. Why would Peterson say that? I admit, there are times when I look at people and think they're hopeless, when I allow myself to believe they will never come to the light. But that is only when I forget about the great redeeming power of God. It's only when I look at them through my limited human perspective and forget the deep love and compassion God has for them. No, despite what Peterson said, the scribes and Pharisees were not hopeless.

Later last night, I lay in bed pondering this. And I got angry. Staring at the ceiling in the dark, in a whisper I shouted "No! No!" I was angry that someone would put those words in the mouth of Jesus. And slowly tears filled my eyes and began to slide down my face. To suggest that Jesus would look at someone and call them hopeless?! Yes, that was enough to make me cry.

As I continued to ponder this last night and today, I concluded it was simply impossible. If Jesus looked at the scribes and Pharisees and said "You're hopeless!", in essence what He was also saying is "I can't help you." Let me add some further context. At this time, Jesus is speaking in the temple just days before he is arrested, beaten, stripped naked, and crucified for ALL HUMANITY. It is mere days before He is to go to the cross, die a brutal death, be buried, resurrect, and thereby conquer sin and death. And He's telling the religious leaders they're hopeless? If Jesus  were to imply that they were a hopeless bunch, then He's also saying that the sacrifice He Himself is about to make, the greatest one this world has ever seen, is INSUFFICIENT.

No, the scribes and Pharisees were not hopeless, and I do not believe that Jesus ever would have wanted someone to think that. In fact, Jesus held ALL THE HOPE IN THE WORLD FOR THEM. Jesus said a lot of hard things in His ministry, and there are a lot that I cannot understand. But I cannot accept this idea. If you look back two chapters when Jesus is speaking in the temple, He shares a parable and asks a question of the religious leaders. After they answer, it says "Jesus said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him.'" (Matthew 21:31b-32, ESV)

When I read those last couple verses, I can gather that the religious leaders were far from the kingdom of God. But there is absolutely no indication that they were beyond redemption. Just to make sure I wasn't totally in left field with my ideas, I checked Merriam-Webster's definition of "hopeless". Some of the definitions were "having or feeling no hope"; "unable to be changed"; and "incapable of redemption or improvement". If you serve Jesus, let me ask you this: Does that sound like something your Redeemer, THE Redeemer, would say? I also looked up "woe", as used in the ESV, just to make sure the word didn't mean hopeless or something. According to Merriam-Webster, "woe" as an interjection is "used to express grief, regret, or distress." I also looked up the word in Greek as used in Matthew 23, and it is indeed an interjection, "A primary exclamation of grief", according to Blue Letter Bible. From this evidence, I can certainly conclude that Jesus did not think the scribes and Pharisees were hopeless. However, He was deeply grieved over them. He extended the same invitation to them as to everyone else, but they weren't willing to receive it.

I want to take this further and relate it to my own life, and also speak into the lives of my readers. No one is hopeless. No one is beyond the redeeming power of Jesus. (The one case where I hold back is the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, and I'm not going to involve that in this discussion due to my limited understanding.) God has carried me through a lot of pain and brokenness. I know the hope that is found in Jesus. I have experienced some intense battles. One truth I'm learning is that the Gospel is sufficient for all things, and I choose to believe it even when I'm not immediately changed the way I want to be. Even when my spirit and flesh are at war with each other, and I allow flesh to win, I still cry out to Jesus, because I know that Jesus is my ONLY HOPE!

Now I want to say to my reader that you are not hopeless. No human being is so sinful or so religious that God cannot save and redeem them.  His grace extends to everyone. And I want to say to everyone, no matter what you have done, or where you find yourself, you are NOT hopeless.

To the liar, the cheat, the thief, and the fraud. You are NOT hopeless.

To the the rapist, the molester, the trafficker, the brothel owner, the pimp, the prostitute, the hustler, the john, the exotic dancer, and the porn star. You are NOT hopeless.

To the slave owner, trader, and beater. You are NOT hopeless.

To the fornicator, adulterer, homosexual, and ashamed or unashamed sexual addict of any kind. You are NOT hopeless.

To the abusive, negligent, or absent parent or spouse. You are NOT hopeless.

To the murderer, the terrorist, or the drunk driver that left a trail of broken, bleeding hearts. You are NOT hopeless.

To the mother and father that left your unborn baby bloody, dismembered, and disemboweled in the garbage at the abortion clinic, and to the doctor that did it. You are NOT hopeless.

To the mentally unstable, the depressed, the alcoholic, and drug addict. You are NOT hopeless.

To the medicator, the one hurting yourself to cover up a deeper pain, the one who thinks this world would be better off without you, or the one who thinks you just can't face one more day. You are NOT hopeless.

To the politicians and courts who are corrupt, who allow unspeakable injustices in our world, who allow parents to murder their children, who allow doctors to help people kill themselves, and who try to educate our young children in immorality. You are NOT hopeless.

To the broken, bleeding, abused, orphaned, widowed, lonely, enslaved, and abandoned. You are NOT hopeless.

To the person bound to the letter of the law, to the self-righteous, the religious, and the scribes and Pharisees of today. You are NOT hopeless.

If I forgot or didn't mention you, I want you to know something too. You are NOT hopeless.

No matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done, or what's been done to you, you are NOT hopeless. Jesus is HOPE. Jesus is LOVE. Jesus is GRACE. Jesus is REDEMPTION. And that extends to EVERYONE.

You are NOT hopeless. Jesus wants YOU!

Igniting the Spark

I was reading a book this morning and the author mentioned someone with the nickname "Sparky".  Then somehting hit me and I stopped reading right there!  I used to be called "Sparky" by a few, but it's been long forgotten.  I'm not sure now who started it, but a few friends picked up on it.  It characterized my attitude I think.  I'm not sure it was a good thing.  It would have meant having a short fuse, snapping easily, etc.  I hope this isn't as noticeable of my life anymore, but I know those tendencies still lurk beneath the surface.  To be "sparky" doesn't have to be bad though.  If I use this characteristic differently, it could have a dramatic impact on the people around me.  It's a positive sparky attitude!

A few months ago, I began working with a mentor to discover the difference I was to make with my life.  After what seemed to be a grueling hour, the answer I came up with left me saying "But that's only the starting point!"  It kind of frustrated me.  In a way, my answer, my difference, seemed insignificant, but I realized that it was only with that in place that everything else could follow.

As I was thinking about this today, I recalled an incident last year when I was walking to work and thinking about this same thing.  A single word comes to mind from my thought processes that morning.  Catalyst.  One of the definitions Dictionary.com provides for this word is "a person or thing that precipitates an event or change."  Or in chemistry, it's the substance that causes or accelerates a reaction.  In a sense, the impact I make on other people's lives is only meant to be a catalyst.  But it's that catalyst, that "spark" if you will, that causes everything else to happen.

I want my life to ignite a spark in the lives of others.  In order to do that, I must first ignite the spark in my own.  I have to be willing to step out, think big, embrace change, take risks and refuse to quit unless God makes it clear something is not His will.  If I want to show others there's more to be had in life, if I want them to strive after greater things, I must first show them with my life.  My life is not at all glamorous by the common standard, but people have been looking at my life recently and asking "How....?"  That's what I should be hearing.  I'm still asking myself that question! There's a great story to it.  But there would be no story if I chose to shrink back and play it safe.  If I played it safe, that spark likely wouldn't ignite.

What kind of impact do you wish to have in the lives around you?  What kind of changes do you want to see?  Is your life demonstrating it?  Do you cause a desire in others for that change?  You must first ignite the spark in your own life.  Only then can you spread the flame.

Books and Random Conversations

I had an appointment to go to yesterday morning before heading to work, and as usual, I brought a book along to pass the waiting time.  This time it was a novel called Words by Ginny L. Yttrup, which I will likely write about in the near future.  I was sitting in a large waiting room, all alone, when a man walks in, pauses in front of me, as I'm focused on my book and strikes up a conversation.  "That's something you never see anymore!"

I look up and he explains how long it had been since he had seen a person, especially a young one reading a physical book in a waiting room.  Apparently tablets are becoming a lot more popular than paper.  In the 20 minutes or so that followed, I had discussions with three complete strangers about the direction of the book and music industries, e-readers, cell phones, other technology, teenagers and social etiquette.  I left feeling inspired and filled with joy that carried me through the rest of the day.

I'm amazed at the discovery I just made.  I never would have thought that something so small and seemingly insignificant could lead to something so meaningful.  The book I was reading was of no significance.  It was simply the fact that I was reading a paper book.  Maybe the fact that I was young, dressed for work and looking preppy had more to do with it.  I really don't know.  But a book for me produced an opportunity.

In 20 minutes, I had a chance to share my perspective with individuals much older than myself.  I had a chance to show them that there are teens out there who think differently than the rest of the world.  I had a chance to put a smile on their faces.  I had a chance to share what I've been learning and why I have made some of the decisions I have.  I left feeling not only inspired, but also that what I have to say really does matter.

Here's what I have to tell my readers.  The small, seemingly insignificant things you do matter, even if you'd rather use a Kindle over paper.  Your choices in all areas of life hold the power to impact.  Don't be afraid to be counter cultural. When opportunities present themselves, don't be afraid to share your perspective.  Even if you don't have a chance to share the Gospel, if they can see that your life is different, that you're not following the norm, you never know what kind of seeds you may plant and what fruit they may later produce.

Why do I read physical books?  Because I simply love a physical book.  I prefer to read off of paper than a glaring screen.  Don't get me wrong. I use my computer a lot and make use of the countless online resources available to me.  Although some people have encouraged me to purchase a Kindle, I'm not quite ready for that. Yes, the idea of being able to carry my whole library around in my purse is enticing, but I still love seeing books on a shelf.  Books are meant to be shared.  Technology has provided alternatives for so many things, and I love it, but I'm not quite ready to let go of my books.

Here are a couple of articles I wrote that I used in my conversations yesterday.  Who would have thought the ideas I ponder on my blog could prove to be so useful in everyday life?
Why I Don't Have a Cell Phone
New Trends in Education

Life Without Limits Review

"Nick Vujicic is a man who has been a
great source of inspiration to me through
his videos so I was really excited when
he published his first book Life Without
Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously
Good Life. He certainly did not disappoint.
Nick was born in Australia in 1982
without arms and legs and his parents
were given no warning or any medical
explanation. He has overcome countless
challenges in life. Today, he’s a motivational
speaker and evangelist sharing
God’s love and hope with the world."

Read the rest of my review at Lighted Lamp Magazine.

Does It Matter?

The work we do can often get discouraging. We can't help but wonder every now and then if what we do really matters or makes a difference. Does anybody care? I feel this way frequently about this blog. I spend time thinking and writing, but do people actually read it? Like it? Respond to it? Am I just wasting my time? It's easy to fall into this rut.

But very often when I feel like I'm tired of thinking up things to write about, or feel like it's all useless, I get a comment or message from somebody saying how they enjoy or are blessed by my blog. It matters that somebody cares and that I'm not just talking to the wind.

My blog is largely a place where I try to figure out life. If people want to get to know me better, this is a good place to start. Some of the things I write on here may not be true. Sometimes I'm wrong and that's okay. It's a part of learning and growing. There are things I write about that may not be popular among other people. There's things that both more "conservative Christians" and more "liberal Christians" would disagree with, although I don't quite like putting it in those terms.

The truth is that the things I write will not please everyone. If I had to please everyone, I would have to quit altogether. My desire is to live a life and write in such a way that is pleasing to the Lord, but I'm still prone to mess up a lot. Some people want to hear the truth and some people don't. I was reminded of Proverbs 3:1-4. Although there are scriptures that tell us living a life pleasing to God may bring persecution, verse 4 there tells us that we can also gain favour in the sight of man when we live a life pleasing to the Lord.

The things I do and write do make a difference. I was reminded of that again last week in several ways. I may be young, but people are watching and listening. And for my older readers, my advice is this: there are many people, especially young people who are looking for godly examples or mentor-figures in their lives. Don't be afraid to be one of them. What you write, teach and live out matters. It makes a difference.

It's disappointing when you write an article you're excited about or want feedback on and nobody comments. Now, in saying this, I don't want to make you feel guilty, but I would encourage you to respond to writers or anybody else for that matter. If you like what they have to say, tell them; if you disagree, tell them gently. Remember (and I need to tell myself this a lot more often) to disagree with the idea and not attack the person. Although God's approval is ultimately what matters, we as humans need reassurance from others as well. We need to know that it's making a difference. It's what keeps us going.

If you haven't yet, I would encourage you to read Stirring Up Inspiration. It's an article I did in January where I discuss feelings of inadequacy, fears we face about making our thoughts and feelings known and the influence we have on those around us. I ask questions and suggest ideas that may not be popular among some. Forgive my rambling in the beginning of it if you find it annoying.

I don't know exactly what God would have me accomplish in my life or through my writing, but judging from the feedback I have gotten and the doors it has opened, I do have influence. It may be small, but it certainly doesn't go unnoticed.

Stirring Up Inspiration

I'm feeling inspired. No, I'm not on the brink of doing some sort of huge crazy thing. It's not like that. I don't know how to describe it or if "inspired" is even the word for it.

What I do know is that I'm being awakened to the idea of how much I'm actually capable of. I've found myself coming up with great ideas (in my opinion) in the oddest of times and places. Okay, so it really hasn't happened that often but I still think it's great. Normally I stress over not having anything to write about, but lately I've gotten frustrated over not having time to write stuff down. Actually, truth be told, after I'm done this, my ideas are gone.

Back to my point. I think we often underestimate ourselves. I don't think we realize our full potential. Thomas Edison once said, "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." I find that I often fail to use my God-given imagination and creativity. Sometimes I think I don't have any. Is it possible though that we all have something great within us that just needs to be discovered and cultivated? Is it possible that we could do so much more with our lives if we started to believe we could?

I was recently reminded of a quote I heard in a movie a few years ago that inspired me and I wrote down. It wasn't until now that I actually discovered who it was by and that there was actually more to it and I'd like to share it here. It comes from Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. Please note, I have not read the book, so I'm not endorsing it or anything. To be honest, I can't say I entirely agree with the quote. I did find it inspiring though and thought there was a good deal of truth in it. So there's my disclaimer.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were made to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same. And as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." --Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

I think all of us deal with feelings of inadequacy at some point in our lives. We wonder if we're good enough. We're convinced somebody else could do it better. We hold back and never put as much as we could into things for fear of failure. Is it possible though, that we fear excellence because we don't think we're worthy of it?

Even as I'm writing this, I'm cringing. Maybe some of my readers didn't even make it this far. I'm sorting out my thoughts as I go, and to be honest, I don't know if anything I'm writing is even right. Sometimes things just spill out of nowhere and I have no idea where those thoughts and ideas come from. Maybe some Christians are reading this and praying I'll one day see the light and come to the knowledge of the truth. I'm taking that risk. I think people would really grow as individuals if they learned to do this. Sometimes you have to ask questions, you have to wonder about the possibilities, you have to speculate.

You're not going to impact the world by thinking about it. Your ideas, as great as they may be do no good inside your head. It's all useless there. It's once you get it out, speak it, write it, sing it, whatever, that it takes on power. But that's exactly the part that so many people are afraid of. They're afraid to be wrong. They wouldn't be the first one. They're afraid that others may not agree or appreciate what they have to say. Guess what? They don't have to! They're afraid nobody will listen, it won't do anything, it won't make a difference. But what if it does? And so we sit around with endless power locked up inside of us and never do anything.

It seems to me that it comes back to influence. We are all in possession of a circle of influence. We can't avoid that. What we do with it is up to us. We can use it for good or bad, to build up the people around us or tear them down. We can use it to lead others to the Lord or drive them away.

People are watching you. You're always communicating something, even if you never say a word. But you do have power over what you communicate. You can decide whether you will share your thoughts and ideas with other people or keep them to yourself. Just remember, people rarely make a positive difference by remaining silent.

Dear Singleness

Dear Singleness,

We have known each other for a really long time, about eighteen and a half years to be precise, and we have spent a lot of time together to say the least. You have always been there and stuck by me even when I wished I could get rid of you. If anybody claims to have never known a faithful friend, they sure haven't met you yet!

I have been thinking about you lately and the many years we've had together. We've shared so many memories, many filled with laughter, some with tears. We have spent time with family and friends, pushed through the dreary years of school and jumped into the real world of responsibility. We've grown up together, and now as I'm embarking on the journey of adulthood, whadda ya know, you're still with me.

You were there by my side as I sought the Lord and now continue to learn to love Him more. As I have grown spiritually and have now become a young woman, you were the one who always reminded me of my need to make Christ my first and only love and to seek my fulfillment in Him. You have done your job well.

As I grow older, I realize that our time together may be drawing to a close. Within a few years, it may be necessary for us to part and a new friend will take your place. I now it sounds like betrayal and abandonment, but it's not. You were created for such a time, and it is you who will make it all the more beautiful. I know I haven't always loved you the way I should have, and for that I am sorry, but I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all that you have taught me. God has used you to shape me into who I am and I know He will continue to do so until the day we say Good-bye.

In the meantime, Singleness, let's make the most of the remaining time we have. Let's love and serve the Lord together, pouring ourselves out for Him. The coming years will go by fast enough, so we must treasure every moment. Thank you for all you have ever been.

With all my love,
Margaret

If It Can't Be Done, Then Do It

Last night I was speaking to my youth leader about what my next plans are. The fact that I had finished school through correspondence also came up. He mentioned that it was good to see somebody stay committed to it and actually finish, because many people that start don't. When I started, many people questioned whether or not I would really follow through with it. They pointed out that many people they knew started and didn't finish and some just really didn't think I would either. This really frustrated me. I didn't like having my commitment doubted and I was determined to do it and prove them all wrong. My youth leader asked if there had been pride in that, and to be honest, I had never given that a thought there. Maybe there was some pride involved, but that's not what I'm going to talk about.

When I thought about that later on I came to the realization that people need to do what I did more often. Prove people wrong. Often people come up with these great, brilliant, wonderful ideas that would be of so much good, until they tell someone else. Of course they're excited and want to tell somebody and rally some support, but instead, they get a response something like this: “Are you sure that's such a good idea? You aren't exactly qualified, don't have the resources, support, and would it really make that big of a difference? I mean, what if it doesn't work out in the end? You would have wasted all that time, energy, effort, resources, and good talent that could have been better used elsewhere.” And the person responds something like this, with a bit of a discouraged sigh: “Yeah, I guess you're right. If you think about it, it is quite risky and there's a lot to lose. And if I failed, I would just look like a total loser. I'll just forget about it.”

I think this is pretty common. Chances are, most brilliant ideas don't even make it into the world for fear of rejection. Can you relate to this in your own life? The truth is, we weren't meant to give up on ideas or settle for it-probably-won't-work-out-anyways. As Christians we are meant to step up, fight, and conquer, to live a victorious life and do great things for God. This is the Rebelutionary life.

Maybe that some brilliant idea that you have does look, according to all reason impossible. That's why we serve a great God who delights in doing the impossible and coming through for us, ensuring that all the glory goes to Him. If you look into the Bible, we see God constantly doing the impossible. He parted the Red Sea, defying the law of gravity. The virgin Mary conceived the Lord Jesus, which is physically impossible. Jesus fed 5 000+ people with five loaves of bread and two fish, which goes against all human reason. We have a God who delights in doing these things. And if we are called to be like Jesus, then we must do so as well.

Now, I don't want to throw away the issue of godly counsel, because it's often very important. There may very well be cases where God uses individuals to tell you something is not such a good idea and I don't want to make that void. But all too often, I think we could do a lot more great things in life and for God if we really just aside the can't-do-it attitude and just did it. And when it's done, give God the glory. I wouldn't have been able to finish school on my own. I relied heavily on God's strength and grace and devoted much prayer time to the matter. But I put forth my best, and praise God for what He did.

Music artist Jason Gray once shared a story of a time when he was discouraged and ready to give up. He called up a friend hoping for some sympathy, but instead, he told him the truth. He said “Jason, if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, then you're on the Lord's side. And if you're on His side, then you're on the side that's gonna win. And if you're on the side that's gonna win, when exactly do you think is a good time to give up?”

If it looks too hard, then do it. If it can't be done, then do it. If it's impossible, then do it. Do hard things. Be a Rebelutionary and give all praise and honour to God.

So Much to Learn at a Concert

So, I went to see The Glorious Unseen in concert last night. If I had the choice to go again, I probably wouldn't. I like their albums, but the concert was just not my thing. Altogether, it was really, really loud. I think I felt just about every organ in my body vibrating. And although many of the songs had beautiful lyrics, the singer's voice was at times drowned out, and all I was hearing at times was just a bunch of noise. Some people may wonder why I don't like the really hard Christian music, and it's really just that; a whole ton of noise.

Now, I'm by no means "dissing" this group; I like their recorded albums and will continue to listen to them. They have some beautiful, very prayerful songs. But the thing was, I found myself thinking, how is God possibly going to speak and make His presence known through all this noise? However, I prayed that God would allow me to not be judgmental and show me something through it; to truly look past what I saw and heard around me. He didn't speak to me through the music, but through other things and in thinking over things later on in the evening.

Actually, the first thing was really the noise. I didn't think the Spirit could speak through the noise, and although I'm sure He can, I believe there is some truth to that. I was reminded of an account in the Old Testament where God displayed some mighty things to Elijah:

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD, And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:
And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice."
--1 Kings 19:11, 12

When I read this passage, I hear a lot of noise, but God didn't speak in the midst of any of that. He waited until it was calm and quiet. And seeing as He spoke in a still small voice, Elijah wouldn't have heard it anyway. Now, music aside, what kind of "noise" do we have in our lives that may prevent God from speaking? Maybe it is literal noise, maybe you always have music playing, whatever it is you're doing. But what about the other things that fill up and clutter your life, things you constantly have going on, things you're always busy with? These things may not necessarily be bad; they may actually be very good. But could it be that you're surrounding yourself with so much "noise" that God is unable to speak, or that you are unable to hear Him when He does?

The other thing that stuck out to me was the Gospel message shared at the concert. At first, I kind of groaned within myself for several reasons: the man used a different Bible translation I wasn't familiar with and wasn't sure I liked, I wasn't crazy about the way he started off, and it was based on the parable of the prodigal son, which I was all too familiar with and hear the passage spoken on all too often, or so I thought. But I learned something very unexpected: it's great to hear the same thing again from a total new perspective. He brought out new points and insights that were totally new to me, things that I had never thought of or heard anybody speak on before. It gave me a new appreciation for the passage and for the insight of other teachers.

Last, was not really something I learned, but rather something I was amazed and challenged by. During the concert, The Glorious Unseen sang the song How He Loves Us, which was not written by this group. It was not my favourite song, but has an amazing story behind it, which you can hear from the writer personally here if you want, but I'll share the gist of it as well, as well as my thoughts. The morning before the person wrote this song a few years ago, his best friend who was a youth leader was in a prayer meeting. And he prayed that if God would shake the youth of the nation, he would give up his life. He said he would die today if it meant that God would shake the youth of the nation. He died that night in a car accident. The writer of this song trusted that if God heard the first part of the prayer, he would follow through with the second. And although this man, who became a youth leader himself, saw many wonderful things, he didn't see a movement happen. This song that he wrote the morning after his friend's death, actually did end up changing the lives of many teens.

I believe this song is only a small part of that man's prayer. I mean, here was a man who not only prayed for change, but laid His life before God, ready to die, if it only meant that God would bring change. It's amazing for me to think of the possibility of our generation turning their lives over to the Lord and living lives surrendered to Him is because of a man's prayer and sacrifice. I also believe that the Rebelution is one such movement that is an answer to this man's prayer and death. I believe that God is working and He will fulfill that man's request. His death shall not be in vain. How will you respond? Will you surrender up your life to God, living it fully for Him, laying aside all the cares and things this world has to offer, and follow Jesus no matter what the cost?

To close, I apologize for my lack of blogging this year. It has been a busy one, but it's also been a good one, in which I have seen many amazing things. I'm done school now, and with having some more free time on my hands, I hope to post more consistently, if anybody's still paying attention. Blessings!

Are You Satisfied?

Are you satisfied with your life? Are you content with what you have? Are all the blessings and gifts God has given you enough? As I have been reading John Piper's book Desiring God, I have been forced to ask myself these questions. He shared something by C. S. Lewis under a section titled "We Are Far Too Easily Pleased" while speaking on the matter of worship. In a sense, in that statement he's saying, "You are settling for too little; what you have is not enough; how can you be satisfied and content with what you have?" Doesn't that sound horribly selfish, unthankful, unholy, ungodly, and unrighteous? At first glance, yes, it does. But as I read this portion, I was inspired but what he had to say and I felt the longing to share it.

"If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that the Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
--C. S. Lewis

In response to this, here is what Piper says:

"That's it! The enemy of worship is not that our desire for pleasure is too strong, but too weak! We have settled for a home, a family, a few friends, a job, a televison, a microwave oven, an occasional night out, a yearly vacation, and perhaps a new personal computer. We have accustomed ourselves to such meager, short-lived pleasures that our capacity for joy has shriveled. And so our worship has shriveled. Many can scarcely imagine what is meant by "a holiday at the sea"--worshipping the living God!"
--John Piper, Desiring God

What I hear Lewis and Piper saying here is that man is content with the pleasures this world has to offer that only provide temporary satisfaction and fail to delight in God at whose right hand are pleasures evermore. We fail to delight ourselves in the Lord--which we are commanded to do--and rather seek the things in this world that will all be gone when we die.

Do you long and thirst after the living God? Is your treasure found in Him? Has He captivated your heart that you just can't get enough of what He has to offer? Is He your desire and delight, the source of your joy? Or are you still shopping around for the next new thing, trying to find fulfillment in the newest gadget, keeping up with the latest fashions, a relationship, having the perfect body, and all other things that satisfy temporarily and only leave you feeling empty and discontent again?

The truth is, there is so much more to be had, and that we can claim it. God offers us Himself, and He alone can fully satisfy our longings and desires.

All That Really Matters

I know that my blogging was really weak last month, and I'm not intending to make any promises for this year, as I know it will be busy enough.

This week, I started reading John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life. I believe that I'm in a very fitting time in my life to read this book and a few passages have particularly caught my attention. Not only is it a new year, but a time in my life where I have many trials ahead of me, where I trust God will show Himself strong and I will learn to love Him more.

You don't have to know a lot of things for your life to make a lasting difference in the world. But you do have to know the few great things that matter, perhaps just one, and then be willing to live for them and die for them. The people that make a durable difference in the world are not the people who have mastered many things, but who have been mastered by one great thing. If you want your life to count, if you want the ripple effect of the pebbles you drop to become waves that reach the ends of the earth and roll on into eternity, you don't need to have a high IQ. You don't have to have good looks or riches or come from a fine family or a fine school. Instead you have to know a few great, majestic, unchanging, obvious, simple, glorious things--and one great all-embracing thing--and be set on fire by them.
--John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life (emphasis in passage mine)

In the end, all that will really matter, is do we know God and does He know us. This is what it will all come down to: Do you know Jesus and does He know you? That second part is as important as the first. No Ph.D, no houses, land, or other accumulated possessions will matter. I like how Jim Cowan says it in his song When It's All Been Said and Done:

When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth
Did I live my life for You
When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I've done for love's Reward
Will stand the test of time

This year, I long to live for Christ and Him alone, because knowing Him is all that matters. No matter what I accomplish here on earth, unless I know Him and live to love and glorify Him, I have nothing but wasted my life.

John 17:3
And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

Knowing God is eternal life!

And thus a cross-centered, cross-exalting, cross-saturated life is a God-glorifying life--the only God-glorifying life. All others are wasted.
--John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life

May we remember these words this coming year.

But It's So Tiny!

Yesterday when I was babysitting my nephew, he did something that showed me how we, as Christians, often treat sin. I was busy doing something when I noticed he was squatted down on the floor, as he usually does when he's looking at something he's fascinated by. So I went over to see what he was looking at and was almost a little alarmed when I saw he was trying to pick up an earwig. The little critter was violently wiggling around in his fingers, trying desperately to sting the curious little boy. Of course, I told him immediately to leave the bug alone, that it was going to hurt him, but he didn't seem to react much. I got him out of the way and swept up the bug, much to his disappointment.

Coming back, I had to wonder why my nephew would attempt to play with an ucky bug. I told him to leave it alone because it was going to hurt him but that didn't cause him to draw back. In his two year old mind, he's probably thinking, "That thing is so small, what's it gonna do to me?" He doesn't know nor does he understand how that's even possible, so he just ignores my caution.

As I was thinking about this throughout my day, I discovered that this is often how I treat sin. I see it, and thinking it's small and harmless, my curiosity gets the better of me and I try to play with it. God warns me and tells me to leave it alone, but I can't see any reason why. Like my nephew, I ignore the caution from Someone who knows how it will work to my hurt, then, I get hurt, of course.

The thing is, we don't always need to understand, we just need to trust God that He knows and always wants what's best for us. He sees the bid picture while we're only aware of what's directly in front of us. We only need to believe Him and be obedient when He says, "No!"

Not Qualified?

Acts 4:13
"Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus."

Do you ever feel inadequate or far from qualified for the task set before you? We all fall into this one at some point. Some one asks us to do something, and we like to step back, putting up our hands defensively and going on, reading out of our book of excuses why we can't do it. I do it myself all the time. We feel inadequate. We don't qualify. We don't have the talents, skill, or abilities. We know someone else who would be much better suited for the position. WHY ME?!!!

So when I read this verse this week, I took fresh courage. When Jesus chose His disciples, He chose ordinary people. Ordinary people, living ordinary lives, to serve an extraordinary God, and thus do extraordinary things. Fishermen. Not incredibly remarkable individuals, not particularly educated and intelligent...just ordinary people. I take fresh courage in that. Possibly God wants to show Himself strong in my weaknesses. Not possibly; I know He does.

God uses ordinary people, the unqualified, the inadequate. He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. He takes our fears and failures and uses them for His honour and glory. But we can't do it ourselves; it has to be God's working in and through us. Peter spoke, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and thousands were added to the church. He couldn't have done it himself.

Acts 5:38,39
And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought:
But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.

Even this Pharisee, Gamaliel, recognized that men's work comes to nought, but God's work will always prosper. It cannot be overthrown. Does that mean we won't ever face opposition when God calls us to do something? No. Jesus tells us that we will face opposition, but it will prosper.

Sorry, I hardly know how to put my thoughts into words. I hope that made some sense. Blessings!

Time

Somebody shared this recently:
If there's a time for everything, then now is not the time for everything.

The Lord is Good!

Well the Lord has been pruning, chastising, and pretty well cleaning up a lot of junk in my life. It's not easy but I praise God for the work He's doing in my life. I really don't know exactly how to describe it but I know that if I will seek God, I will find Him. He's opening and closing doors. . . Why I'm not really sure. Maybe He just wants to know whether I'm willing to be obedient. Just a few verses that I'm trying to apply to my life:

Proverbs 27:12
A prudent man forseeth the evil, and hideth himself, but the simple pass in, and are punished.

Proverbs 28:26
He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.

That's all I have for today but I hope to get another post in tomorrow.

"If You say go, we will go.
If You say wait, we will wait.
If You say step out on the water and they say it can't be done,
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come."
From the song If You Say Go

Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God

I was faced with a question this last weekend: Do you remember a time when you loved God more than you do now? I'm sure many of us can say that there was a time in our life that we had a greater passion and zeal for God than we do now. If so, what brought this downslide? For me it was my proud, stubborn, selfish attitude. Along with that, my lack of faith and trust in God.

Early on this year, God showed me that this year wasn't going to go as I had planned it to. For the past couple of weeks I have been desperately looking for a job. I was now presented with an opportunity but with a very low income. I look around saying I need this and I need to do that but I can't do it without money. As I was thinking about this this morning, I remembered the verse:

Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

How much do I really trust God for His providence? I may not get all the things I want, but I will get all the things I need. I love how this verse is a promise; Jesus doesn't say all these things may be added unto you or I'll think about it but is spoken with assurance. I also think of a verse in Psalms:

Psalm 37:4,5
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 1:2,3
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Again and again we see great and precious promises but each one is attached to a prerequisite: that we seek God and love Him and delight in Him. I wonder why we often get so worked up about things rather than grabbing hold of God's promises. It would make life so much easier.

Philippians 4:6
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

Here we have another requirement: thanksgiving. One thing I have seen is that God cannot put me into the workplace until I'm content at home. It's like this with so many other things as well; God cannot call us to marriage until we are content in our single life and He can't send us out to another country to be a missionary until we learn to be a missionary at home. Well, I guess that's enough rambling for one day. Blessings!

Psalm 105: 3,4
Glory in his holy name: let the heart of the rejoice that seek the LORD.
Seek the LORD, and his strength: seek his face evermore.

I Asked God

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for — but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all people, most richly blessed.

Random Ramblings

So, it's finally time for another solid post and even if it's just a long post of random ramblings, I hope you get something out of it. I've been learning many things the hard way all the way from gossip and the daily decisions I make. I've learned that not only do you reap what you sow, but you also reap a lot longer than you sow, a lot harder than you sow, and a lot more than you sow. Now, I'm reaping the consequences of choices I made over a year ago that I never thought would have any future effect on me. Something else is about the doors in our Christian life. If you see an open door, take it. If you come to a closed door, don't camp out in front of it waiting for it to open because then you're useless for anything else. And don't force a door open because it'll only end in a disaster.

There's also been something else on my mind that's going to need a little more explaining and I'm not sure if it'll make any sense at all but here goes. As I look around, children and youth nowadays are in a sad situation. Each one feels that they need to conform to a certain likeness in order to be accepted. They require a certain image, opinion, political viewpoint, or way of thinking in order to be accepted by their peers. By doing this, they wear a mask and completely forget who they really are. They may be able to tell you what they believe but have absolutely no support for it. Why? Because it's not what they believe. It's merely been adopted from someone else. Our generation has become afraid to be different. Our culture and the media has set up so many ideals that everyone is trying to reach. There's the ideal body image, the ideal career, spouse, family, house, lifestyle. Everybody's looking for or trying to work towards these ideals. They put all their time, energy, and money into these things hoping to achieve a certain level of wealth or prosperity. They feel that's where their happiness lies and they only come out disappointed. One day they realize that their ideal doesn't exist or it didn't bring the satisfaction hoped for. They look back feeling as if their whole life has been wasted, thrown away. I have yet to find a person who has a perfect life, the perfect spouse without fault, the perfect house. Many people think that if they only had so much money, they would be happy. But it's never enough. The more they have, the more they want.

The scary thing is these falsehoods have been drilled into the minds of children. That if they're pretty, famous, have lots of money, they'll be happy. They idolize movie stars and celebrities and all their glamour, glitter, and gold not realizing they are some of the unhappiest people yet. They wear a mask in front of the camera that looks good but inside are torn apart. They get into drugs, have broken relationships, suffer from depression and the list goes on. By looking up to these people, children too begin to wear a mask and don't know who they are anymore.

What are we putting into the minds of children? Are we encouraging different lifestyles or asking them to go along with everyone else? Are we putting false ideals in front of them? Or are we pointing them to the cross showing them that only Jesus can bring true fulfillment in their lives? What are we doing for the next generation?

Sorry that was so long, but I hope you got something out of it. Blessings!

What Would Happen If We Were Radical?

I'm currently reading The Life of D. L. Moody. Yes, it is a rather large volume but I'm working my way through. And as I always do when I read accounts of godly men and women of the past, I look at myself and ask many questions. I'll get to that in a minute.

In the introduction, the writer speaks about Dr. R. A. Torrey, a close friend and associate of D. L. Moody and the seven points Torrey described in answer to why God chose to use Moody.

1. "He was a fully surrendered man."
2. "Mr. Moody was in the deepest and most meaning sense a man of prayer."
3. "He was a deep and practical student of the Word of God."
4. "He was a humble man."
5. "His entire freedom from the love of money."
6. "His consuming passion for the salvation of the lost."
7. "He had a very definite enduement with power from on high, a very clear and definite baptism with the Holy Ghost."

So this leads me to a few points to ponder. These seven characteristics, can people say these things of us? Are we really fully surrendered to Christ ready to do whatever, whenever, wherever if He so calls us? I really wonder what would happen if we started to live radical lives like those we love to read about. Can people say of us that they see the love of God in all that we do? We're becoming lukewarm, although we ourselves would never say that. We have this fear of man that we don't even want to talk about Jesus because we're afraid of what the world will think and that's when the devil starts rejoicing. I often think it's time for us to go through some physical persecution to see what our faith is really made of. Are you in a position that God can use you?

"Someday you will read in the papers that D. L. Moody, of East Northfield, is dead. Don't you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now, I shall have gone up higher, that is all; out of this old clay tenement into a house that is immortal --- a body that death cannot touch; that sin cannot taint; a body fashioned like unto His glorious body.
I was born of the flesh in 1837. I was born of the Spirit in 1856. That which is born of the flesh may die. That which is born of the Spirit will live forever."
-- D. L. Moody