Wednesday, 23 May 2012

I'm Alive

I feel like I owe it to my few readers to let them know I'm still here and explain my prolonged absence, especially since I may not be writing much for awhile.  I'm going through a season in my life where I'm asking a lot of questions, lacking understanding of many things, and seeking direction in many areas.  One of the things God seems to have impressed on my heart is to hold back on blogging.  He hasn't given me many new insights, and the things I have written, I have not felt the freedom to publish.  It seems best to me to hold back on sharing my thoughts with the online world until I have sorted through some things.  This isn't to say I won't ever write what's on my heart, but it will certainly be more limited.  But then again, I have felt this way several times this year already.

I will give you a peek into my life at present.  It's mostly split between work which brings about a variety of experiences, the kitchen, some more outdoor work now that summer is coming, and being active with my youth group.  This past weekend, our group had the opportunity to volunteer our time at a campground that needed a lot of work to prepare for the summer season.  I'm looking to get involved in some new things and excited about the activities in the weeks and months ahead.

As for media, I haven't been studying as I was for awhile, although I still have some 30-40 books on my shelf that have not been read.  I've been working my way through This Present Darkness by Frank E. Peretti.  It's a gripping novel of Satan's forces trying to take over a small town and a small band of Christians fighting off the powers of darkness.  It's a good take on spiritual warfare, the battle between angels and demons, and has made me think more of what's going on in and around me.

I'm also almost always listening to music and have discovered some new stuff recently.  TobyMac just released a catchy new song called "Me Without You."  But the one that had a really great effect on me a couple weeks ago was "Outta My Mind" by Anthem Lights.  That morning God impressed something on my heart that I have been praying about for about 16 months.  Although I had often heard this song, that day it articulated what I had been feeling. Watching everybody else be happy, everyone else's dreams come true, other people serving God in ways I had wanted to.  The picture hasn't really come into focus yet, but this song brings a change of perspective and changes the question.  I have to stop asking "What about me?" and start asking "What can I do?"

Even in this time, God has shown me I can rejoice.  My life doesn't make sense, and God hasn't been giving the answers yet.  But I can rejoice that He is God, He is in control, and He will lead me in the way I ought to go.  As He permits, I will continue to share pieces of my journey with you.