Struggles of a Dreaming Realist

It sounds complicated, because it is.  I have entitled this post "Struggles of a Dreaming Realist", but that's really only a condensed title.  It could be "Struggles of a Christian Dreaming Realist Who Happens to be a Single Mennonite Young Woman Taught in a Conservative Church Environment, Always Too Concerned What Others Will Think of Her".  Now that provides a little more context.  But I think modern writing laws likely forbid such lengthy titles.

This is essentially an article that explains why I am the way I am, at least to the extent that I'm willing to share publicly.  I find myself in a transition phase of life once again, trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, and how am I possibly going to get there.  I am 22, single, unemployed, and evaluating my options in terms of work and education.  I just finished a summer of volunteer service in NY, but find myself wading through the struggle again of finding my place, having to make ends meet, trying to find something I actually enjoy doing, and maybe breaking down some of the barriers in my life that keep me from greater things.

But it's not easy.  The challenges of circumstances, upbringing, and what has been drilled into my brain for the last 10 years doesn't make it easy.  I have come to a place where I don't have to worry for a second that people will shoot down my ideas and dreams.  I do that myself.  And I do that to just about everyone else that make suggestions to me for my life.  I only realized this in the last few weeks and months in the conversations I've had with various people.  They see my potential, the things I'm capable of, the knowledge, the ability, the talent and tell me about what I could do.  My response usually ends up being my well thought logical reasoning (ahem, excuses) of why it's not possible.

I wasn't always this way.  Eight years ago, I was going in 10th grade, and like everyone else, trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I had good grades and teachers had high hopes for me.  I was going to defy my cultural upbringing, go on to university, and build a successful career.  I took up a feminist flag and was going to follow my dreams.  I just hadn't ironed out the details yet.

Then life changed.  I had a spiritual breakthrough, started to home school, and a year later my dreams and life goals consisted of getting married, having a family and home schooling my children.  And I expected it to start happening fast, like, before I was 20.  (Are there ever prayers I'm thankful God didn't answer!)  With such a life ideal, there was no need to pursue a career.  Not only was there no need, it wasn't Biblical.  This was my way of thinking at the time.  So a post-secondary education at an institution was a waste of time and money that I didn't have anyway.  As a young woman, I was expected to stay at home, honour my parents, live a quiet life, prepare for marriage and wait until God brought my husband to me.  Oh, and no matter what happened, I had to be content!

Over the next few years, I swayed from this.  Prince Charming didn't come riding in before I was 20 and I was destined to become an old maid.  I began to toy with the idea of going back to school.  I had a love for writing and studying classic literature, maybe philosophy, and I wanted to do that from a Christian perspective.  But a visit to a university convinced me that for that, I was better off studying at home.  Besides, what if Prince Charming happened to show up during that time, or what if he would have come into my life, had I not gone off to pursue my education?  I hate to admit it, but the elusive prince was (and still is) always in the back of my mind when it came to making big life decisions.  I didn't want to do anything that might crush that dream and doom me to be single forever!

I started to become a rebel of sorts in my Christian surroundings.  I had grown in my faith under some solid teaching and had adopted some strong standards and convictions in everything from courtship, modesty, media, and Biblical womanhood, many for which I am incredibly grateful for.  But things tended to slip at times.  When tested, my convictions didn't stand.  I compromised.  And I realized many of the convictions I held to weren't actually my own.  I had only adopted them from others.  And when convictions are not your own, they don't stand the test.

And so I began to take risks and became more "me."  I would voice my daring opinions, do things others might not, and live a slightly more exciting life than some of the young people around me.  I tried new things and went places others hadn't.  There were some choices I'm very happy about, and there are also many I regret.  But today, I still find myself concerned for my reputation and what other people will think of me.

Please understand.  I want God's will for my life.  I really do.  However, God's will and the church's will can often get confused.  And when your ears are so accustomed to hearing the church's expectations and other people are pulling at you from different sides, it can be hard to discern God's specific plans for your life.  There simply is not a cookie cutter mold that fits for everyone.

At the present time in my life, I find myself very torn.  I desire God's will for my life in all areas.  I still desire marriage and a family, and I still want to focus my energy on raising and teaching my children, as opposed to being a working mom.  But that dream remains on a distant horizon.  In the past year and half, I have volunteered, traveled, and discovered great ways to use my gifts and talents.  I have had many people observe me and encourage me to use those skills and to find a good, well-paying job.  I have also had more encourage me to continue my education, so that I can pursue the better-paying careers and make the most of my skills and talents.

In one way, I'd love to.  These people have shown me that I have let a part of myself die.  They have dared me to dream again, to revive old interests and talents, and to become everything I could be.  And they mean well.  They really do.  And I appreciate them for that.

The problem is, the realistic thinker kicks in and explains the challenges of the rural area in which I live, the commuting distance for those better jobs, and how my lack of post-secondary education disqualifies me in the eyes of so many employers.  "Have you considered going back to school?", or something like that, is a question that comes up with increasing frequency.  And I continue to explain my circumstances.  Finances presently do not allow and I am incredibly adamant about living debt-free as far as I possibly can.  Besides, I can't decide exactly what I want to do, so I don't want to invest the time and money.  And if I do, I have to make sure that it doesn't conflict with my long-term family goals.  On and on I go, spitting out my reasoning, trying to make myself sound like an intelligent young woman, trying to convince them I'm right.  In the back of my mind, and in prayer, I continue to wrestle with what God's will for my life is.  And what about, what about...the prince?

Today, I sat down and explored some more educational options.  I'm trying.  I am.  I'm trying to evaluate which educational or career path would be best for me, what would be the best use of my skills and interests, what would open up the most opportunities.  Do I go for something that seems safe, or something I would really enjoy?  Something that would mean being out in the work force, or allow me to work from home?  There are many options, many possibilities, all of which are currently out of reach.

I made a plan about a month or so ago outlining how I was going to begin opening up opportunities for my life, how I was going to try things I've always wanted to learn, like swimming and crocheting, how I was going to study literature again and work on my writing skills again.  And yes, even buy my own flute and start playing again.  I put all these goals, these hopes, into charts and neatly prioritized and applied the finances required to see some of these dreams fulfilled, in the midst of all the other demands on my time and finances.

It felt good.  It felt good to dream again, to have a plan, to know I could go home and forge ahead, see things happen, achieve a level of success, accomplishment, and just do things I had so often wished I could.  But as so often happens, God showed me just how quickly he can turn everything upside down, and nothing but dust may be left of my dreams.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how great my dreams, and how much I plan, I'm not in control.  It means nothing if it's not what God desires for me.  And perhaps sometimes He sits on His throne, shaking His head, wondering "Why is she trying this again?"  I have seen God change my plans time and time again.

No matter what I do, life is still unpredictable.  Everything can change in a heartbeat.  The plans, the hopes, the dreams that once mattered so much can become entirely insignificant.

So what does this long rant and explanation of my life leave me to conclude?

I can try.  I can dream.  I can make plans and set goals.  But without God's leading, it means nothing.  I can put myself on the throne and force things, make them happen, no matter what the cost, but it will mean nothing.  I will not be happy or fulfilled.  And people would have no reason to applaud me for any of my accomplishments.  I could give all my time, resources and energy and perhaps attain success, but completely miss the mark!

So how do I respond?  I have but one choice that makes any sense.

If the Lord wills, I will.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." --Proverbs 16:9

Responsible Single: Manage Your Finances

I get to dive into a fun topic today.  Actually, it's more of a stressful topic.  Managing finances.  I like money.  Money is good.  But it doesn't grow on trees, and sometimes we can't seem to make enough of it. As I have mentioned in my last few posts, I have learned how to manage small incomes and stretch my dollars.  It's not easy.  It wasn't easy at 15, and it still isn't.

When you want to manage your finances, you must start by defining your wants and needs.  For me, some of my needs are clothes, food, a roof over my head and a car to get to work.  Some of my wants right now would include things like a work desk for my room, a bookshelf, an e-reader (yes, I did say that!), a new wardrobe, etc.  For others it may be an iPhone, tablets, gaming systems, a dream house, etc.

Sometimes wants and needs become confused.  Many people think they "need" a cell phone.  I don't.  But I have wants that I think are needs and I get frustrated about things I can't reasonably afford.  Sometimes I have to go to certain work events and I feel like I don't have the right professional clothes, accessories or shoes, but I can't go to the mall and fluff up my wardrobe (although I do hope to do so Boxing Week).  As I write this, I'm going to a 50s themed youth banquet in a week and I have no dress to wear.  I'm frustrated because I don't want to be different, but it's currently not reasonable for me to spend a lot of money on an outfit for one evening.  Some mornings there's nothing good in the fridge to take to work, but I know I can't buy lunch all the time, so I make a sandwich.

Managing my finances means discipline.  It means denying myself a lot of things.  It means making sure my bills are paid before I get my wants.  It means making a sandwich instead of buying lunch, making coffee at home instead of stopping at Tim Horton's, and not buying the top I really want because it's so overpriced. 

Here's what I do to help me manage my finances.  Every month, I collect all my receipts, or I write down money I spend that I don't have receipts for.  At the end of the month, I sit down and put all my income and spending into an Excel spreadsheet.  I divide things up between my regular expenses (insurance, rent, fuel, tithe/donations, Internet, etc.), car maintenance, health expenses, groceries, eating out/snack food, clothing, books (that used to be a big one,) recreation/entertainment, etc.  Then I total each section, my income, expenses, calculate what's left over at the end of the month and hope it's not in the red.

Before I started doing this, I had no idea how much money I was spending on little things, like coffee or occasional lunches.  It helped me to see where I needed to make adjustments and what I should be reasonably spending in a month.  I could also see how much of my income was needed to pay necessary expenses.  This was an excellent tool when I was considering financing a car earlier this year.  I had a one year track record of my income and spending that helped me evaluate whether or not I could reasonably afford a car payment. 

I would also encourage you to get a savings account where a sum of money automatically goes into every month, and then don't touch until you really need it, or save it for a car, house, education, wedding, or whatever.  If need be, make an account that you can't withdraw from without calling in and requesting a transfer.  Also, use your credit cards wisely.  I'm not trumping credit cards.  I use mine all the time to save on service charges and occasionally for online purchases.  But remember it's not actually paid for when you swipe the card.  Don't use your credit card unless there's money in your chequing account to pay for it, and make sure you pay your bills on time.

Finally, live debt free as far as possible.  Don't finance anything that depreciates.  Houses are the exception.  If you can't write the cheque, don't buy it.  OWN your stuff.  This is something I have been very stubborn about, and I'm happy for it.  I've seen the burden debt leaves on people and don't want that hanging over my head.

I know this has probably been a bit to digest, but if you learn to manage your finances and budget your spending, I don't think you'll regret it.  Yes, it's hard.  But that's life. If you don't learn to manage your income now when you have yourself to look after, how much harder won't it be when you have a family to look after?  And again, if you manage your money wisely while you're single, I think you will appreciate what your husband will one day do in providing for your family much more.

Next Post: Meet a Need

Responsible Single: Make Some Money

I'm going to get into a topic in this post that can be controversial in some Christian circles and that is young women getting jobs, or developing some other means of making an income.  Some Christians believe that women belong only in the home and should not be in the workplace.  I don't entirely agree.  I will share in this post what I have done in the past five years and what encouragement I have to offer single young women.

When I was 15, I started babysitting and this was my first small, somewhat consistent stream of income.  With that money, I completed a year of my secondary education and put myself through Driver's Ed.  From there, I had a couple short term jobs, before I got a part-time job at a local Christian bookstore where I was for almost three years. This year, I have taken on an administrative position (that came with a lot of non-administrative tasks) at a solar company that has stretched me to the limits at times.

Why should a single young woman go out and work?  I see several benefits to this.  First of all, it's not good to be idle.  Idleness breeds discontentment and sometimes unhealthy habits in our lives.  I know at times when I haven't worked much, even if it initially seems fun to spend most of my days at home, I quickly become depressed and restless.

Second, I think it's good to learn to meet your own needs.  In my home, I had to learn to do this much earlier than most young people, as my last paragraph indicates.  Through my small, part-time minimum wage income, I got my full driver's license, paid my insurance, purchased and maintained my own car, paid room and board, and paid for my other needs and wants.  I learned how to take care of myself.  I learned the value of work and money.  I learned what it takes to pay the bills and make ends meet.  I'm so glad I had the opportunity to learn this responsibility when I did.

Third, I believe it's good for young women going into marriage to understand the value of work and money.  So even if you desire to be a housewife, I think it's good to have some work experience behind you.  I fear that if a young women doesn't have this experience, she will not value what her husband does in efforts to provide for their family.  (And yes, I believe it is his responsibility to provide.)  She will not understand how difficult it sometimes is to stay faithful at a job and make sure there's money to meet expenses.  I fear she will in turn take advantage of what he does and what he brings home.

I said in my introduction that I would be honest about what I perceive to be disadvantages to the topics I cover, so I will take a moment to address that.  One of my fears for myself is that in working, I have become so independent, and so used to providing for my needs, I will have a hard time letting someone else do it for me.  Not that I would have a hard time staying at home while my husband works, but I fear that I will not feel like I deserve the money he works for.  I think I may at times feel guilty about spending our income on things beyond necessities that I want because I don't earn it.  This may not be a challenge for a young woman whose needs have always been met by her parents.

As I mentioned in my introduction to this series, the Proverbs 31 Woman was an entrepreneur.  She was a wife, mom, and managed her own business, making and selling goods.  She made money, she purchased land.  She was competent in financial and business matters.  If you as a young woman see an opportunity to pursue your own business venture, or be a part of a family business, I would encourage you to take it.  It's still a desire of mine.  Finding a job can be hard, but starting your own business is harder, and not everyone is cut out for it.  But I definitely see it as something that can be very beneficial when you're single or married.

Having said all this, I know it can be difficult to find a good job, especially if you want something in a good environment.  Depending on your education, skills, and geographic location, it can be even more difficult.  But I encourage you to make an effort.  You don't have to work full-time.  Although I do work full-time now, I do prefer to have more time at home where I can cook, bake, study, pursue my writing further and the like.  I definitely miss that often about my last job.  If possible, find something where you can not only use, but grow your skills and talents, a job where there are new opportunities in sight.  It may be hard at times, but it will prove to be much more rewarding.

In the end, the goal should be to be productive, to learn how to provide for your own needs and to understand the value of work and money.  I hope that whatever you pursue, you can learn, grow, and enjoy it all at the same time.

Next Post: Learn to Drive

Lies Young Women Believe

A couple months ago, the girls in my youth group started going through the Lies Young Women Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them Free study by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh.  In all honesty, before we started, I didn't think I needed it.  As it turns out, I didn't realize how badly I did need it.

Lies Young Women Believe examines the 25 most common lies Christian young women believe about God, Satan, themselves, relationships, guys, media, sin and their futures and reveals God's Truth about them.  There's a Companion Guide that goes along with the book, which I would definitely recommend using.  It splits the book into a nine week study and there are study questions and exercises that correspond with what you're reading that week.  They also make good use of colour and graphics so it's visually appealing.  Sure, you may wonder why you need to spend the money on two books (so did I), but it is well worth it.

When I started this study, I knew there were many areas of my life that needed to change, and as much as I wanted the change, I was afraid of the pain that would come with it.  This book doesn't just expose lies we believe; it exposes sin.  It doesn't beat around the bush.  It looks at gritty issues for what they really are.  There were many issues that came up in this study where God was already convicting me.  There were things that He was repeatedly teaching me and were coming up in so many different places, that I just couldn't run from them.  I had to face head-on lies I was believing about sin, purity, authority and media and deal with them.

One of the blessings that came out of this study was simply spending more time in the Word aside from just my morning devotions.  This study wasn't about the book, it was about the Book, and it sent you searching through the scriptures all the time.  It also emphasized memorizing scripture, something I always want to do, but have a hard time sticking with.  A verse came to me last week, that wasn't mentioned in the study, but I feel it kind of sums it up.

Psalm 119:11 (ESV)
I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.

I would definitely recommend this book to young women.  If you're around the age of 20+, don't look at it and think you're too old for it, especially if you're still single.  (I kind of did that.)  The issues discussed in the book do still apply to you.  If you're married, you can always look to Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. 

For more mature young women, I would also recommend And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh, which I read a few years ago.  Earlier this year, she also published What Are You Waiting For?: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex.  I haven't read it in it's entirety, but I have skimmed portions and would recommend it as well to more mature readers. (She speaks frankly about sexual issues.)

As young women, we are called to be examples to the world.  If you want to grow in your relationship with God and be filled with His Truth, this study is a great place to start.

Where Are the Men?

I wrote an article for the girls a couple weeks ago, now this one is for the guys.  Hold on tight!  Some of you may write this post off, and I would understand why. I'm not here to bash men, but to share an article that addresses a common question among women, share my perspective, and hopefully encourage any guys who may end up reading this.

It's "Dude, Where's Your Bride?" by Kevin DeYoung.  I loved this article and not just because it tells the men to be men.  Kevin takes into account both sides of the problem, which is necessary.  I laughed right off at the start where he made that remark about girls reading Just Do Something and thinking he would be sympathetic, because I knew exactly what he was talking about.  I read the book a couple years ago and loved what he had to say on the marriage issue.

Before you go further, please read Kevin's article.  It'll save me some explaining.  It speaks best for itself.  I'm just here to add my thoughts to it. 

I've been reminded often of how lucky I am to be part of a church/youth group with nice guys who respect and look out for the girls.  Not every young woman has that.  But even so, the girls waaaay outnumber the guys.  When people ask me why I'm single (even at my young age), I have a number of answers, but.....I hate to put it this way, (and it's certainly only a small aspect of the issue), but I can count the number of eligible men older than me in my church on one hand.  And there's a lot of girls!!!  I know there are churches who have the opposite problem, but I'm not about to go "church-shopping" in hopes of finding someone.

Even so, the issue does not rest solely on the shoulders of the men, and I think it was very needful for Kevin to address that. Some girls are simply desperate, and well, scare the guys away.  Or they have impossible, fairy-talish standards.  Many of these graduate women that are filling churches aren't pursuing careers because they're feminists, but because they have to find something to do in the meantime.  Kevin addresses this matter more in depth in Just Do Something. Delayed marriage really does complicate education and career decisions for women.  As much as they want to marry and raise a family, they have to find a way to be profitable now.

"If you are single, pray more for the sort of spouse you should be than for the sort of spouse you want."  Yes!  I've realized this more in my own life.  If you want a great man, you have to be a great woman deserving of him!  You can't expect to have it all, and he gets little in return.  Keep praying for that amazing, godly man, but start praying more that God would change you to be that amazing, godly woman deserving of him!  Very often, our idea of marriage during this season of life is totally selfish.  Now's the time to turn it around.

Honestly, Kevin sums up perfectly what girls want in this one paragraph.  Guys, we aren't asking for you to be rich and attain the world's definition of success.  But this is what we are asking for.

"I don’t think young women are expecting Mr. Right to be a corporate executive with two houses, three cars, and a personality like Dale Carnegie. They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday. Where are the dudes that will grow into men?"

I didn't share this to join the crowd of exulting women shouting "Preach it!  Let 'em have it!"  No, I just wanted to share my brief perspective on both sides of the issue.  I want to encourage the men to rise up and be men and  to share what it is that we as young women wish to see, at the same time acknowledging that we have a lot of work to do to be the wives you deserve.  We don't expect you to be rich, but we want to see you have a vision and godly ambition, being leaders in the church and in the home, to be able to trust you to provide for our children, and we pray that we would be worthy of that. 

What Do I Do Now?

Life is one big confusing jumble of decisions.  I'm at an exciting transition point right now where I'll be making many in my life in the next few months.  As much as I'm looking forward to it, a part of me doesn't want this season of my life to end.  I feel like I was just starting to get some things figured out.  I was excited about what I was able to do.  And now, depending on what happens in the coming weeks and months, I might not have the time to do those things anymore.

I have only the last little fringe of my teenage years left, and I already wish I had done some things differently.  I already wish I had made more of them.  And I know there are thousands of young people, especially young women, who are walking the same path I did and are discontent.  I want to speak to you specifically today, although I encourage all my readers to go through to the end.

I have come to believe that a part of the reason many Christian young women waste away their single years in discontentment is because they haven't found anything meaningful to do with their time.  Many finish school, with plans of being a homemaker someday, which is great, but then they just sit around waiting for life to happen, waiting for Prince Charming.  They get stuck and start to feel lost during their in-between years and grow very discontent.

That pretty much sums up the last few years of my life.  I'll be honest.  I used to think I would get married young.  Like, by now.  I'm still here, as single as ever.  But I'm happier now.  Yes, I still wonder how soon I will get married.  Probably almost every day.  But I've also started to fear how soon I will get married.  Why?  Because I have discovered something that excites me and I want to pursue that fully!  And I now have the best time of my life to do it, and it is oh, so short.  I don't have enough time to do all I want!

As Christians, we're often told not to follow the feminist expectations of our culture.  I agree.  But I'm also beginning to wonder if our young women are falling into a trap, by following the expectations of the church in some cases.  The church often likes to lay out it's own set of expectations for us.  It may go something like this: finish school, stay at home with your parents while you prepare to be a godly wife and homemaker, get married, have babies and homeschool one big, happy family!  Or go into missions if you're to singleness.  Something like that.  That's great, until you run into a problem.

Becoming a godly woman is an ongoing process.  Although spiritual maturity is important when considering marriage, you don't have to attain a certain degree of perfection first. (I believed that lie for awhile.)  I already know how to cook, bake, clean, do laundry and all those other things that come into managing a household.  What do I do now????  I have to do more than grow spiritually and help Mom keep house.  Well, get a job.  Done.  Life is still more than all that and work.  It won't be the end of discontentment.

I think part of the problem is many young women aren't keeping busy with meaningful pursuits.  They spend so much time thinking about their futures and waiting for life to happen.  The truth is, life is happening, and it's in your hands.  Do something great with it!

Simply put, find something that gets you excited, seek the Lord about it, and then pursue it with all your heart.  I'm talking about something you always long to do, and get super enthusiastic every time you do it or even think about it.  It will be different for everyone.  For me, this has come in the form of studying classics/literature.  I get so excited about it sometimes, I literally squeal.  And I have few people in my life who share my interest in it.

I want to take a moment aside to discuss the issue of education.  Young women in some Christian circles are often discouraged from pursuing further education or preparing for a career, especially if they desire, or are expected to be homemakers.  It doesn't seem practical and sometimes it's simply not affordable.  Very often, you won't even use it later on.  That's exactly why I haven't done it.  But someone once told me you can only teach your children what you know.

Education doesn't have to mean a degree or studying in a formal setting.  Education comes when you're inspired to learn.  You can do that at home.  Determine what you want to study, whether it's as broad as literature, or even just a new skill or computer program, and you can do a lot through books and online resources. That's what I'm doing right now.  I'm learning now what I want to put into my children to raise, teach, and inspire them to be the godly leaders this world needs. It's much easier to learn a lot of that now, than later on when I'm trying to take care of them all.

Girls, find something you love, pray about it, then pursue it with all your heart.  Catch a vision, and follow it.  If you can work part-time to make some money, and help at home and work on your pursuits the other part of the week, that's fantastic.  I have loved being able to do that.  If you want to learn, study.  If you have a special gift or talent, hone it and creatively use that to bless others.  Spend time serving in your church or community.  If you have a burden for the lost, bring the Gospel to them.  If it's for the sick and needy; minister to them.  If you have a burden for slaves and the sex trade, look into volunteering for the International Justice Mission.  If you grieve over abortion, be a voice for those babies.  Search your area for organizations where you can use your time and skills to bless the world and make a difference. 

There is so much we as young women can do with our single years.  They don't have to be wasted in discontentment, waiting for life to happen.  Yes, we still face certain roadblocks, but there's so much we can do more effectively and easily now than when we're raising a family.  We have time and a lot less responsibilities.  There are dreams we can pursue.  We can find purpose and fulfillment now.  Don't wait till it's too late then look back and wish you had done more with this time in your life. You don't have to follow someone else's definition of success.  Just set goals, develop a plan, then follow the desires that God places within your heart.

I could say more, but I will end with something author James L. Rubart wrote last week. I've read something similar before and it's really got me thinking. "At the end of the age I don't think Jesus will say, 'Did you sell a bunch of books?' I think he's more likely to say, 'Did you follow the passion I put inside you with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, no matter the outcome?'"  I want to be able to say "Yes!" to that.

Dear Singleness

Dear Singleness,

We have known each other for a really long time, about eighteen and a half years to be precise, and we have spent a lot of time together to say the least. You have always been there and stuck by me even when I wished I could get rid of you. If anybody claims to have never known a faithful friend, they sure haven't met you yet!

I have been thinking about you lately and the many years we've had together. We've shared so many memories, many filled with laughter, some with tears. We have spent time with family and friends, pushed through the dreary years of school and jumped into the real world of responsibility. We've grown up together, and now as I'm embarking on the journey of adulthood, whadda ya know, you're still with me.

You were there by my side as I sought the Lord and now continue to learn to love Him more. As I have grown spiritually and have now become a young woman, you were the one who always reminded me of my need to make Christ my first and only love and to seek my fulfillment in Him. You have done your job well.

As I grow older, I realize that our time together may be drawing to a close. Within a few years, it may be necessary for us to part and a new friend will take your place. I now it sounds like betrayal and abandonment, but it's not. You were created for such a time, and it is you who will make it all the more beautiful. I know I haven't always loved you the way I should have, and for that I am sorry, but I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all that you have taught me. God has used you to shape me into who I am and I know He will continue to do so until the day we say Good-bye.

In the meantime, Singleness, let's make the most of the remaining time we have. Let's love and serve the Lord together, pouring ourselves out for Him. The coming years will go by fast enough, so we must treasure every moment. Thank you for all you have ever been.

With all my love,
Margaret

The Set-Apart Life

Once again, I have read an inspiring Ludy book and want to write about it. In fact, you may be reading many of these Ludy posts in the near future, as I'm currently working my way through many of their books. This past week, I completed Authentic Beauty: The Shaping of a Set-Apart Young Woman by Leslie Ludy.

One of Eric and Leslie's main themes is living a set-apart life. That is, a life primarily set-apart for God, and also for your future spouse. They offer no form of casual, comfortable, or compromising Christianity because truly the Christian life has much more substance than that. What they offer is far from easy, but if you search Scripture, you will see that it is nothing short of what Christ Himself put forth.

What does it mean to live a life that is set-apart? I don't think there's a short, one sentence answer for this question, and to be quite honest, I'm not sure exactly how to accurately define it. It's a life all about truly knowing your Prince, not just knowing about Him. It's about cultivating a deep and intimate relationship with the Lover of your soul. It's not about fitting Jesus into your life, but building your entire life around Him, where He is at the very core of every aspect of your life. It's about creating an inner sanctuary for Him and protecting it. It's about a lifestyle that is lily white.

Creating that inner sanctuary, that place for intimacy with your Prince, can be a painful cleansing process. It means taking out a lot of trash and removing anything and everything that hinders that deep relationship with God. And sometimes, you may find it has to be done on a regular basis. All sinful habits and activities have to go. Anything that demands our time, love and attention above God and takes our focus off of Christ must be rooted out. This is part of what it means to live a life set-apart for God.

Yes, cultivating a more intimate relationship with our Prince can be difficult and it takes time (I'm speaking from experience), but it is so worth it. Take adequate time on a daily basis to spend in the Word and in prayer. Take delight in Him by maintaining a quiet heart and a spirit of worship, communing with God even while accomplishing your everyday tasks. You don't have to limit your relationship with God to your quiet time in the morning.

This life is also about being set apart for your future husband. As young women, it is so easy to be consumed with being noticed by the opposite sex and it's easy to strive for that attention we long for. But God has a much greater plan for our lives, and if we give Him the pen, He will write a love story far beyond what we could ever dream.

Part of His amazing plan for our lives is keeping ourselves for our future spouse and that means so much more than the simple "save-sex-for-marriage" mentality that many Christians put forth. It means keeping our hearts, minds, emotions, and body for the man you marry. It means living a life that honours him, even if you haven't even met him yet. And yes, this is often very hard to do, but it will save us a lot of pain and heartache and make it so much more beautiful in the end.

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of this is maintaining pure thoughts. It's so easy to allow ourselves to entertain fantasies that may seem perfectly harmless, especially since nobody has to know that they're there. (I'm also almost certain that if there was one aspect of your life that you were most afraid of being exposed, it would be your thought life.) It's easy to leave unchecked, but it is something we must strive to keep pure. When temptations or impure thoughts come to mind, we must choose to shut them out immediately. Even in this, we can do a lot to honour our future spouses.

Even if you haven't kept yourself pure, or maybe you have suffered from sexual abuse, know that God is forgiving and can bring healing to your life. He can take your broken life, your shattered heart and create something beautiful out of it. He can give you a fresh, lily white start and you too can experience a beautiful God-written love story.

If you haven't read Authentic Beauty, I would strongly encourage you to do so. I would however, advise caution with younger girls (as Leslie also does in her introduction) because of a lot of mature content and details. I have the updated and expanded edition, which is really great because it includes a "Studying Manhood" portion by Eric where he talks about the making of Warrior Poets and it is fantastic! I would also recommend Leslie's book Set-Apart Femininity, which I have previously read.

My desire is that you too would be challenged to be a set-apart young woman and live for the glory of the Lord.

Are You One of the Few?

Over the last few weeks, I read A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot. Amy Carmichael, lovingly known as Amma to those close to her, was a remarkable woman. It took Elisabeth Elliot near 400 pages to put her life into words so this short post will hardly do her justice, but I will try my best.

To describe or write a review on this book, I must describe Amy herself. She was born on December 16, 1867 and grew up in Ireland where she was raised in a Christian home. Even as a child, she was a girl of courage and bravery, qualities that would prove to be very beneficial in her future work. She also possessed the heart of a servant.

Her missionary work began in Ireland, primarily in Belfast, where she devoted herself to helping and ministering to the people around her, especially the lowest members of society. It also took her to Japan, Ceylon, and eventually to India. In India, her initial intention seems to have been to simply spread the Gospel. However, she soon found herself rescuing children from temples where they were raised to live lives of immorality and she established the Dohnavur Fellowship.

In the Fellowship, the children were raised, educated, taught to love and serve the Lord and Amy was, of course, their Amma (Mother). Over the years, the work grew and Dohnavur also came to include a House of Prayer and hospital, or Place of Healing, as it was called. The work of the Fellowship still continues today and is run primarily by the people of India, many of who came to Dohnavur as infants.

If Amma had to be described in one word, it would be love. Love was at the core of all that she did. Next to that there were many qualities that she valued and her life clearly displayed. Among these were loyalty, unity, commitment and service. Indeed, everyone was a servant.

Commitment was very important to her. Commitment to the work, children, workers and above all, to God was absolutely necessary for anyone who wanted to be a part of the work at Dohnavur. They had to be prepared to live for the Lord and pour themselves out in service to Him no matter what the cost.

Amy was a woman who experienced intimate communion with God and embraced the beauty of God's creation. This is best revealed in her poetry, lines filled with the beauty, wonder, and majesty of God. Everything was taken to Him in prayer and every step she made was taken in faith.

In 1931, Amy had an accident which confined her mostly to her bedroom for the rest of her life, years that were marked by much illness and pain. Even so, she kept on working, leading and directing. She maintained a personal relationship with each of the workers and children, always writing notes and letter to individuals and spending time with them. This is also when she wrote many of her books.

After almost 20 years of illness and pain, Amma went to be the Lord on January 18, 1951. Her body was humbly laid to rest in the Garden of God with a simple bird bath to mark the place of her burial. Her desire was that people would see it and look to God instead of her.

Although I'm well aware this brief summary does not do her life justice and I left many details out, I fear that many more words would still fail to adequately describe this woman of faith. I would encourage you to read this book for yourself, or better yet, some of Amy's personal works. I hope that you are also blessed, encouraged, and challenged to a deeper relationship with God and to pour out your life in service to Him.

1 Corinthians 3:12,13
Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw--
each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test which sort of work each one has done.

I like what Elisabth Elliot said in one part of the book:
"The preoccupations of seventeen-year-old girls--their looks, their clothes, their social life--do not change much from generation to generation. But in every generation there seem to be a few who make other choices. Amy was one of the few."

Are you one of the few?

A Different Kind of Woman

We are creatures of a great master Designer, and His ordering of our lives is sure and certain, yet many people live without any visible order or peace or serenity. The way we live ought to manifest the truth of what we believe. A messy life speaks of a messy--an incoherent--faith...
The way you keep your house, the way you organize your time, the care you take in your personal appearance, things you spend your money on all speak loudly about what you believe. "The beauty of Thy peace" shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul.
-Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

Let's face it. People watch us. They watch us, they look at our lives, and they make note of the various things we do or don't do. When I read these notes on orderliness and self-discipline, I really have to think, What does my life look like? Often, it probably looks like a complete mess. But as Christians, we are called to adorn the Gospel, and make it look attractive. If we go aimlessly through life with no real purpose, we do the exact opposite. But if you look simply how people go about their day, how they handle various situations, it speaks volumes about their character. If I'm having a crazy hectic day, it's usually because there's unrest inside of me, because what's inside comes out.

Later on in Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot says something else that I feel goes hand in hand with this matter:

We are called to be woman. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I'm a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God's idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that He wants me to be.

I think I won't go any further into this, but I would encourage you young ladies, if you can get a hold of this book, don't miss the opportunity to read it.

Where's Our Place?

I'm currently reading Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot and I'm looking forward to share some excerpts that really stick out to me. This is one of the first parts that really caught my attention:

Women during the past decade have contrived to place themselves very much in the center of attention. They are talked about, puzzled about, argued about, and legislated about, and it is women who have done most of the talking, arguing, and perhaps the legislating, while it is men, I suppose, who have done more of the puzzling. A torrent of books about women has been pouring from the presses urging women to cast off traditional roles, to refuse the socialization that has for many centuries, they say, controlled and confined them, and to move into what some of them called "human" (as distinct from biological or reproductive) pursuits, which, whether they are interesting and uninteresting are said to be male territory.

My question is why is it that women cannot seem to accept, no, rather appreciate and love, who God has created them to be? We live in an age of feminism, where unless you, women, go to college or university and pursue a respectable career, are considered unsuccessful. It seems that being a housewife and raising children is of little value anymore. Many women get negative reactions when they speak of staying at home and homeschooling their children. They get remarks like "You're never going to make ends meet on a single income," or "How will your children ever learn to socialize?"

In this, I'm not discouraging obtaining a post-secondary education and pursuing a career, if that's what God calls you to do. But I feel we have lost sight of who God has created women to be. He has created us for a very special purpose that many seem to look down on. Women don't like the idea of being a weaker vessel, created under men, but God made us because it was not good for man to be alone. He saw that man needed someone and that someone was a woman. He indeed has a special place and purpose for us.

We don't need to step and try to prove ourselves. God has created me a woman, so that's exactly what I want to be. I don't want to try and make myself somebody I'm not, wearing a mask, living a life that's not my own. Let us not strive after this world's idea of success but rather who God has created us to be.

Please feel free to share any thoughts on this or throw in your two cents. God bless you!

Do You Measure Up?

So, I just read Proverbs 31 again...the chapter I think all young women got to to see if they "measure up" and lets just say I have a long way to go. Guys, this post probably won't help you much but if I could say one thing, it would be raise your expectations. I can 99.9% guarantee you that the woman of your dreams won't be perfect and I know 100% that the man of mine won't be, but don't settle for just anything. But anyway, reading this chapter I came up with a few points.

A virtuous woman is:

• Precious; "her price is far above rubies"
• Honoured and can be trusted; "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her" and "strength and honour are her clothing"
• Works hard; "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens...her candle goeth not out by night...She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." and many verses in between.
• Strong; "She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms."
• Loving and wise; "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy...She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."
  
• Loves God more than anything; "Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."

In that, I could have given you the whole chapter but you can read it yourself. I could have gone into modesty as well but I didn't; read 1 and 2 Timothy or anything that talks about women or youth in general; study godly women of the Bible and in history. You might say, "Well, I'm only 16, I've a few years to go." But I would encourage you now to become that woman worth waiting for and remember that we are now the bride of Christ. We belong to Him now and that should make us strive for this all the more; to develop a meek and quiet spirit and to serve God with our whole hearts. I myself am only in the tiny baby steps toward what this chapter describes, but it is a work that is never done.

God bless each one of you as you continue to grow and seek His face.