Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Where Are the Men?

I wrote an article for the girls a couple weeks ago, now this one is for the guys.  Hold on tight!  Some of you may write this post off, and I would understand why. I'm not here to bash men, but to share an article that addresses a common question among women, share my perspective, and hopefully encourage any guys who may end up reading this.

It's "Dude, Where's Your Bride?" by Kevin DeYoung.  I loved this article and not just because it tells the men to be men.  Kevin takes into account both sides of the problem, which is necessary.  I laughed right off at the start where he made that remark about girls reading Just Do Something and thinking he would be sympathetic, because I knew exactly what he was talking about.  I read the book a couple years ago and loved what he had to say on the marriage issue.

Before you go further, please read Kevin's article.  It'll save me some explaining.  It speaks best for itself.  I'm just here to add my thoughts to it. 

I've been reminded often of how lucky I am to be part of a church/youth group with nice guys who respect and look out for the girls.  Not every young woman has that.  But even so, the girls waaaay outnumber the guys.  When people ask me why I'm single (even at my young age), I have a number of answers, but.....I hate to put it this way, (and it's certainly only a small aspect of the issue), but I can count the number of eligible men older than me in my church on one hand.  And there's a lot of girls!!!  I know there are churches who have the opposite problem, but I'm not about to go "church-shopping" in hopes of finding someone.

Even so, the issue does not rest solely on the shoulders of the men, and I think it was very needful for Kevin to address that. Some girls are simply desperate, and well, scare the guys away.  Or they have impossible, fairy-talish standards.  Many of these graduate women that are filling churches aren't pursuing careers because they're feminists, but because they have to find something to do in the meantime.  Kevin addresses this matter more in depth in Just Do Something. Delayed marriage really does complicate education and career decisions for women.  As much as they want to marry and raise a family, they have to find a way to be profitable now.

"If you are single, pray more for the sort of spouse you should be than for the sort of spouse you want."  Yes!  I've realized this more in my own life.  If you want a great man, you have to be a great woman deserving of him!  You can't expect to have it all, and he gets little in return.  Keep praying for that amazing, godly man, but start praying more that God would change you to be that amazing, godly woman deserving of him!  Very often, our idea of marriage during this season of life is totally selfish.  Now's the time to turn it around.

Honestly, Kevin sums up perfectly what girls want in this one paragraph.  Guys, we aren't asking for you to be rich and attain the world's definition of success.  But this is what we are asking for.

"I don’t think young women are expecting Mr. Right to be a corporate executive with two houses, three cars, and a personality like Dale Carnegie. They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday. Where are the dudes that will grow into men?"

I didn't share this to join the crowd of exulting women shouting "Preach it!  Let 'em have it!"  No, I just wanted to share my brief perspective on both sides of the issue.  I want to encourage the men to rise up and be men and  to share what it is that we as young women wish to see, at the same time acknowledging that we have a lot of work to do to be the wives you deserve.  We don't expect you to be rich, but we want to see you have a vision and godly ambition, being leaders in the church and in the home, to be able to trust you to provide for our children, and we pray that we would be worthy of that. 

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