Struggles of a Dreaming Realist

It sounds complicated, because it is.  I have entitled this post "Struggles of a Dreaming Realist", but that's really only a condensed title.  It could be "Struggles of a Christian Dreaming Realist Who Happens to be a Single Mennonite Young Woman Taught in a Conservative Church Environment, Always Too Concerned What Others Will Think of Her".  Now that provides a little more context.  But I think modern writing laws likely forbid such lengthy titles.

This is essentially an article that explains why I am the way I am, at least to the extent that I'm willing to share publicly.  I find myself in a transition phase of life once again, trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, and how am I possibly going to get there.  I am 22, single, unemployed, and evaluating my options in terms of work and education.  I just finished a summer of volunteer service in NY, but find myself wading through the struggle again of finding my place, having to make ends meet, trying to find something I actually enjoy doing, and maybe breaking down some of the barriers in my life that keep me from greater things.

But it's not easy.  The challenges of circumstances, upbringing, and what has been drilled into my brain for the last 10 years doesn't make it easy.  I have come to a place where I don't have to worry for a second that people will shoot down my ideas and dreams.  I do that myself.  And I do that to just about everyone else that make suggestions to me for my life.  I only realized this in the last few weeks and months in the conversations I've had with various people.  They see my potential, the things I'm capable of, the knowledge, the ability, the talent and tell me about what I could do.  My response usually ends up being my well thought logical reasoning (ahem, excuses) of why it's not possible.

I wasn't always this way.  Eight years ago, I was going in 10th grade, and like everyone else, trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I had good grades and teachers had high hopes for me.  I was going to defy my cultural upbringing, go on to university, and build a successful career.  I took up a feminist flag and was going to follow my dreams.  I just hadn't ironed out the details yet.

Then life changed.  I had a spiritual breakthrough, started to home school, and a year later my dreams and life goals consisted of getting married, having a family and home schooling my children.  And I expected it to start happening fast, like, before I was 20.  (Are there ever prayers I'm thankful God didn't answer!)  With such a life ideal, there was no need to pursue a career.  Not only was there no need, it wasn't Biblical.  This was my way of thinking at the time.  So a post-secondary education at an institution was a waste of time and money that I didn't have anyway.  As a young woman, I was expected to stay at home, honour my parents, live a quiet life, prepare for marriage and wait until God brought my husband to me.  Oh, and no matter what happened, I had to be content!

Over the next few years, I swayed from this.  Prince Charming didn't come riding in before I was 20 and I was destined to become an old maid.  I began to toy with the idea of going back to school.  I had a love for writing and studying classic literature, maybe philosophy, and I wanted to do that from a Christian perspective.  But a visit to a university convinced me that for that, I was better off studying at home.  Besides, what if Prince Charming happened to show up during that time, or what if he would have come into my life, had I not gone off to pursue my education?  I hate to admit it, but the elusive prince was (and still is) always in the back of my mind when it came to making big life decisions.  I didn't want to do anything that might crush that dream and doom me to be single forever!

I started to become a rebel of sorts in my Christian surroundings.  I had grown in my faith under some solid teaching and had adopted some strong standards and convictions in everything from courtship, modesty, media, and Biblical womanhood, many for which I am incredibly grateful for.  But things tended to slip at times.  When tested, my convictions didn't stand.  I compromised.  And I realized many of the convictions I held to weren't actually my own.  I had only adopted them from others.  And when convictions are not your own, they don't stand the test.

And so I began to take risks and became more "me."  I would voice my daring opinions, do things others might not, and live a slightly more exciting life than some of the young people around me.  I tried new things and went places others hadn't.  There were some choices I'm very happy about, and there are also many I regret.  But today, I still find myself concerned for my reputation and what other people will think of me.

Please understand.  I want God's will for my life.  I really do.  However, God's will and the church's will can often get confused.  And when your ears are so accustomed to hearing the church's expectations and other people are pulling at you from different sides, it can be hard to discern God's specific plans for your life.  There simply is not a cookie cutter mold that fits for everyone.

At the present time in my life, I find myself very torn.  I desire God's will for my life in all areas.  I still desire marriage and a family, and I still want to focus my energy on raising and teaching my children, as opposed to being a working mom.  But that dream remains on a distant horizon.  In the past year and half, I have volunteered, traveled, and discovered great ways to use my gifts and talents.  I have had many people observe me and encourage me to use those skills and to find a good, well-paying job.  I have also had more encourage me to continue my education, so that I can pursue the better-paying careers and make the most of my skills and talents.

In one way, I'd love to.  These people have shown me that I have let a part of myself die.  They have dared me to dream again, to revive old interests and talents, and to become everything I could be.  And they mean well.  They really do.  And I appreciate them for that.

The problem is, the realistic thinker kicks in and explains the challenges of the rural area in which I live, the commuting distance for those better jobs, and how my lack of post-secondary education disqualifies me in the eyes of so many employers.  "Have you considered going back to school?", or something like that, is a question that comes up with increasing frequency.  And I continue to explain my circumstances.  Finances presently do not allow and I am incredibly adamant about living debt-free as far as I possibly can.  Besides, I can't decide exactly what I want to do, so I don't want to invest the time and money.  And if I do, I have to make sure that it doesn't conflict with my long-term family goals.  On and on I go, spitting out my reasoning, trying to make myself sound like an intelligent young woman, trying to convince them I'm right.  In the back of my mind, and in prayer, I continue to wrestle with what God's will for my life is.  And what about, what about...the prince?

Today, I sat down and explored some more educational options.  I'm trying.  I am.  I'm trying to evaluate which educational or career path would be best for me, what would be the best use of my skills and interests, what would open up the most opportunities.  Do I go for something that seems safe, or something I would really enjoy?  Something that would mean being out in the work force, or allow me to work from home?  There are many options, many possibilities, all of which are currently out of reach.

I made a plan about a month or so ago outlining how I was going to begin opening up opportunities for my life, how I was going to try things I've always wanted to learn, like swimming and crocheting, how I was going to study literature again and work on my writing skills again.  And yes, even buy my own flute and start playing again.  I put all these goals, these hopes, into charts and neatly prioritized and applied the finances required to see some of these dreams fulfilled, in the midst of all the other demands on my time and finances.

It felt good.  It felt good to dream again, to have a plan, to know I could go home and forge ahead, see things happen, achieve a level of success, accomplishment, and just do things I had so often wished I could.  But as so often happens, God showed me just how quickly he can turn everything upside down, and nothing but dust may be left of my dreams.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how great my dreams, and how much I plan, I'm not in control.  It means nothing if it's not what God desires for me.  And perhaps sometimes He sits on His throne, shaking His head, wondering "Why is she trying this again?"  I have seen God change my plans time and time again.

No matter what I do, life is still unpredictable.  Everything can change in a heartbeat.  The plans, the hopes, the dreams that once mattered so much can become entirely insignificant.

So what does this long rant and explanation of my life leave me to conclude?

I can try.  I can dream.  I can make plans and set goals.  But without God's leading, it means nothing.  I can put myself on the throne and force things, make them happen, no matter what the cost, but it will mean nothing.  I will not be happy or fulfilled.  And people would have no reason to applaud me for any of my accomplishments.  I could give all my time, resources and energy and perhaps attain success, but completely miss the mark!

So how do I respond?  I have but one choice that makes any sense.

If the Lord wills, I will.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." --Proverbs 16:9

Is College Worth It? by William J. Bennett and David Wilezol

In Is College Worth It?, William J. Bennett and David Wilezol "expose the broken promise of higher education."  They examine the financial crises caused by student loans, the rising tuition costs, how tuition money is being misused by universities and how many students are often unable to find employment with their degrees after accumulating thousands of dollars of debt. They take a hard look at the quality of education students are receiving and whether or not a college education is worth the investment. Alternative post-secondary educational options for various types of students are also discussed.

There were several aspects of this book that I appreciated, like how they exposed the misuse of student and taxpayer money at many universities to pay presidents and faculty outrageous salaries, offer programs and courses with little academic value, and improve campus aesthetics.  It opened my eyes to how much our culture looks down on blue-collar jobs, when there's actually a great need for skilled workers to fill those positions.  It also points out that classic literature, disciplines and character training are no longer being taught, nor do students learn to effectively write, speak, teach or make decisions.  Tolerance and diversity has become the great mission of many universities, meanwhile identity studies are actually damaging to individuals and societies.

However, despite the positive qualities, I also found the book to be quite boring at times.  I recognize that statistics and numbers are necessary to prove where the education model is lacking, but I think the information could have been presented in a more interesting manner.  Although the book is definitely informative, I don't think a teen considering what kind of post-secondary path to pursue would likely read through the book far enough to make an informed decision. Overall, I would rate this book 3 out of 5 stars.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher through www.Booksneeze.com and was not required to write a positive review.

Responsible Single: Keep Learning

One of the things I have greatly enjoyed in my single years is learning after I completed my secondary education.  I have decided not to pursue a formal post-secondary education, largely due to financial reasons, but I have greatly enjoyed learning at home.

When I say keep learning, that can mean several things, and depending on your personality, it could mean something totally different than what it means to me.  For me, it has meant studying literature and working on my writing.  This past year, I became involved with IJM and read several books on justice issues.  I've also started learning more about abortion and the pro-life view.  I consider that a part of my learning.  I'm growing my knowledge and understanding of issues I didn't know as much about before.  For many learning may mean a formal education at a university.  For others it could mean learning a new skill, developing a talent, learning a new computer program, practicing a household skill, or learning how to make something creative whether it's with needles and tread or yarn or wood, or whatever you use.  For some, it may be researching a topic that interests you or even just taking more time to study God's Word.

Unfortunately, my job right now doesn't allow me to do as much learning as I want to.  But when time allows, I have lots of unread books on my shelf, some of which I want to study, I want to work on my writing skills, and perhaps one day I will further study such things as philosophy, political science, justice, or other social issues.  Writing this post is exciting and frustrating for me because it reminds me of everything I want to do and I miss working part time and having the time to do them.

For those of you who have want to pursue post-secondary education but can't afford it, or it doesn't seem to be a reasonable choice, I want to share some things I have found that can be very helpful.  One of the reasons I haven't pursued university is because most of what I would study there I can learn at home at a fraction of the price.  I just miss the opportunity for discussion, having my work graded and getting the credits.  If I want to study literature and writing, I can walk into Chapters or go onto Amazon.ca and buy my education for a fraction of the price of an institution.  But there are also an abundance of free online resources that I began discovering last year.

If you have iTunes on your computer, you can go to the iTunes store and under the menu there's a cool feature called iTunes U.  iTunes U is a great collection of university lectures covering a wide range of subjects, a lot in video and most of it's free.  You can also search for this on some university websites.

Something else I got really excited about this year was when Biola University, a Christian university in California, added a whole section of free content open to the public called Open Biola.  There is so much there I'd want to watch and learn that I could spend months there.  It's awesome that Christian universities are giving back in this way.  We live in a time where so much is available at our fingertips. You don't have to go to a university or even a library anymore. Use it wisely and make the most of it.

It doesn't matter so much what you're learning about, but that you're thinking.  Don't neglect to exercise your mind.  Having said that, use discretion.  Learn about things that will build you up and allow you to build up others.  Spend your time on things that matter and are profitable.  Filter what you're learning through the Word of God so you're not being deceived or swept away with worldly, unbiblical views that sound good to our fallen human nature or wander into things that will cause you to sin.  Let Philippians 4:8 be your guide:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think abut these things."

Next Post: Take a Risk

What Do I Do Now?

Life is one big confusing jumble of decisions.  I'm at an exciting transition point right now where I'll be making many in my life in the next few months.  As much as I'm looking forward to it, a part of me doesn't want this season of my life to end.  I feel like I was just starting to get some things figured out.  I was excited about what I was able to do.  And now, depending on what happens in the coming weeks and months, I might not have the time to do those things anymore.

I have only the last little fringe of my teenage years left, and I already wish I had done some things differently.  I already wish I had made more of them.  And I know there are thousands of young people, especially young women, who are walking the same path I did and are discontent.  I want to speak to you specifically today, although I encourage all my readers to go through to the end.

I have come to believe that a part of the reason many Christian young women waste away their single years in discontentment is because they haven't found anything meaningful to do with their time.  Many finish school, with plans of being a homemaker someday, which is great, but then they just sit around waiting for life to happen, waiting for Prince Charming.  They get stuck and start to feel lost during their in-between years and grow very discontent.

That pretty much sums up the last few years of my life.  I'll be honest.  I used to think I would get married young.  Like, by now.  I'm still here, as single as ever.  But I'm happier now.  Yes, I still wonder how soon I will get married.  Probably almost every day.  But I've also started to fear how soon I will get married.  Why?  Because I have discovered something that excites me and I want to pursue that fully!  And I now have the best time of my life to do it, and it is oh, so short.  I don't have enough time to do all I want!

As Christians, we're often told not to follow the feminist expectations of our culture.  I agree.  But I'm also beginning to wonder if our young women are falling into a trap, by following the expectations of the church in some cases.  The church often likes to lay out it's own set of expectations for us.  It may go something like this: finish school, stay at home with your parents while you prepare to be a godly wife and homemaker, get married, have babies and homeschool one big, happy family!  Or go into missions if you're to singleness.  Something like that.  That's great, until you run into a problem.

Becoming a godly woman is an ongoing process.  Although spiritual maturity is important when considering marriage, you don't have to attain a certain degree of perfection first. (I believed that lie for awhile.)  I already know how to cook, bake, clean, do laundry and all those other things that come into managing a household.  What do I do now????  I have to do more than grow spiritually and help Mom keep house.  Well, get a job.  Done.  Life is still more than all that and work.  It won't be the end of discontentment.

I think part of the problem is many young women aren't keeping busy with meaningful pursuits.  They spend so much time thinking about their futures and waiting for life to happen.  The truth is, life is happening, and it's in your hands.  Do something great with it!

Simply put, find something that gets you excited, seek the Lord about it, and then pursue it with all your heart.  I'm talking about something you always long to do, and get super enthusiastic every time you do it or even think about it.  It will be different for everyone.  For me, this has come in the form of studying classics/literature.  I get so excited about it sometimes, I literally squeal.  And I have few people in my life who share my interest in it.

I want to take a moment aside to discuss the issue of education.  Young women in some Christian circles are often discouraged from pursuing further education or preparing for a career, especially if they desire, or are expected to be homemakers.  It doesn't seem practical and sometimes it's simply not affordable.  Very often, you won't even use it later on.  That's exactly why I haven't done it.  But someone once told me you can only teach your children what you know.

Education doesn't have to mean a degree or studying in a formal setting.  Education comes when you're inspired to learn.  You can do that at home.  Determine what you want to study, whether it's as broad as literature, or even just a new skill or computer program, and you can do a lot through books and online resources. That's what I'm doing right now.  I'm learning now what I want to put into my children to raise, teach, and inspire them to be the godly leaders this world needs. It's much easier to learn a lot of that now, than later on when I'm trying to take care of them all.

Girls, find something you love, pray about it, then pursue it with all your heart.  Catch a vision, and follow it.  If you can work part-time to make some money, and help at home and work on your pursuits the other part of the week, that's fantastic.  I have loved being able to do that.  If you want to learn, study.  If you have a special gift or talent, hone it and creatively use that to bless others.  Spend time serving in your church or community.  If you have a burden for the lost, bring the Gospel to them.  If it's for the sick and needy; minister to them.  If you have a burden for slaves and the sex trade, look into volunteering for the International Justice Mission.  If you grieve over abortion, be a voice for those babies.  Search your area for organizations where you can use your time and skills to bless the world and make a difference. 

There is so much we as young women can do with our single years.  They don't have to be wasted in discontentment, waiting for life to happen.  Yes, we still face certain roadblocks, but there's so much we can do more effectively and easily now than when we're raising a family.  We have time and a lot less responsibilities.  There are dreams we can pursue.  We can find purpose and fulfillment now.  Don't wait till it's too late then look back and wish you had done more with this time in your life. You don't have to follow someone else's definition of success.  Just set goals, develop a plan, then follow the desires that God places within your heart.

I could say more, but I will end with something author James L. Rubart wrote last week. I've read something similar before and it's really got me thinking. "At the end of the age I don't think Jesus will say, 'Did you sell a bunch of books?' I think he's more likely to say, 'Did you follow the passion I put inside you with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, no matter the outcome?'"  I want to be able to say "Yes!" to that.

The Great Books Reader

Introducing: My New Project!  Well, one of them at least.  It's called The Great Books Reader: Excerpts and Essays on the Most Influential Books in Western Civilization and edited by John Mark Reynolds.

Working in the book industry, I often get to discover great titles long before they come out and this was one of them.  So I was eagerly anticipating the release of this book, and it ended up getting delayed by over two months.  Frustrating. 

Now, for a little background on the book.  It was compiled by John Mark Reynolds, founder and director of the Torrey Honors Institute, the Great Books program at Biola University in California.  I tell ya, there's some universities I wish I could pick up and move here, and Biola is one of them.  Then if tuition paid for itself, I'd be all set.  This liberal arts and biblical studies program is like one of those far distant dreams that will never be realized.

I didn't really know what to expect before I got the book.  I didn't have a chance to preview it before I purchased it.  Being a couple inches thick and weighing nearly three pounds, it's a good-sized book.  It contains excerpts and essays on 30 different classics.  It was designed for those who didn't have the opportunity to study at a university to be introduced to these works.  People like me!  And the best thing is, it examines these works in a Christian context.  In his introduction, Reynolds explains why Christians should be well-read and how to approach the great books.  He explains how to go about studying these excerpts and bringing the ideas in line with God's Word.

I began by reading the selection of The Odyssey by Homer.  After working on it for a couple days, I must admit, I didn't really "get the point."  However, I wasn't ready to give up after that.  Next was an excerpt of The Republic by Plato, which I'm still working on.  Can I say WOW!!??  I got so excited reading it that I could hardly contain my joy.  I think I'm still just in the beginning of this study.  I'm pondering the meaning of justice, why people choose to be just, how we view justice or injustice and so forth.  That may sound boring to you, but there really is something thrilling about reading a work from around 2500 years ago, understanding their view of the world and human nature, and realizing that a lot of ideas really haven't changed!  It's incredibly inspiring!

I have a lot of work ahead of me.  In the coming months, I'll be diving into the likes of Augustine, Dante, Milton, Wesley, Shakespeare, Tolstoy, Chesterton and much more.  Oh, then there's my other projects in between all that.  I get excited about all this stuff.  Yes, to get the full benefit, you have to do some tough thinking, but it is so rewarding.

"Readers lead, but the surrounding world does not encourage us to take the time to read.  It has never been easier to get books but never harder to find the quiet needed to study them." --John Mark Reynolds

Proverbs 3:13, 14 (ESV)
Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
and the one who gets understanding,
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver
and her profit better than gold.

The Kids' Social Club

Have you ever listened to or been part of a conversation where a parent has been considering homeschooling?  Concerned individuals of the motion usually aren't concerned about the quality of education the child will receive, although whether their education will later be valid is a good concern that will come up.  The most common question is this: How will your kids learn to socialize?

I tire of hearing this lame question.  Since when is school about socializing?  Unfortunately that's become a very important, if not the most important aspect in today's system, but it shouldn't be.  There are many reasons why parents choose to homeschool, but shouldn't the quality of their education be a primary concern, rather than their social life?

I personally spent 11 mostly miserable years in the public school system and spent two years at home studying through an individual study program.  For the most part, I don't have a lot of good school memories.  Yes, I liked learning and my grades were good, but I was always struggling to fit in.  I often felt like I was near the bottom of the pecking order and many days I just wanted to play sick.  Being smart didn't help either.  Unless you're popular, you're better off being a loser and sitting in the principal's office every week than being a "teacher's pet."  I was more than happy to leave when I did.

How will they learn to socialize?  How do children learn to socialize in public schools?  They learn to form cliques, to shun others, to bite, chew, tear down, and drive the outsiders to depression and thoughts of suicide.  Oh yes, the students listen to countless anti-bullying speeches, but they often seemed pretty fruitless.  Kids learn to stay in touch with the latest trends in our culture, to discover and experiment with drugs, talk dirty and how to have "safe sex" or not so safe. Is that really how you want them to learn to socialize?

The funny this is, as many homeschooled friends as I have, I can't say any of them are anti-social or ill-mannered.  Many of them are much more socially competent than the high school students I knew.  I'm sure there's plenty of bad homeschooled examples.  The fault lies not in the method, but in the parents.  It's up to the parents to teach their children how to socialize and conduct themselves in public.  By getting them involved in church activities, homeschool groups, sports teams, other extracurricular activities and spending time with other young families, they'll get plenty of time with kids their own age.  They don't need a school.

I like how Oliver DeMille examines this issue in A Thomas Jefferson Education.  Although it's not a book about homeschooling, it definitely favours the method over what he calls the conveyor belt method, if done properly.  And according to DeMille, socialization is a lot more than what children are learning in schools.  "The highest level of socialization, the ideal, means the ability to effectively work with people of all backgrounds, stations, and positions, of really caring for them and being able to build and maintain long term, nurturing relationships."

After 11 years on the belt, I never learned to do that.  Let's face it.  The kids' social club doesn't produce good social skills.  Stop giving me that lame objection.  You'll have to come up with something else.  And judging from how many of conversations I've heard, I already have a good idea what it is.  I don't want to hear it anymore.

You're a Genius!

"Greatness isn't the work of a few geniuses, it is the purpose of each of us.  It is why we were born.  Every person you have ever met is a genius.  Every one.  Some of us have chosen not to develop it, but it is there.  It is in us.  All of us.  It is in your spouse.  It is in each of your children.  You live in a world of geniuses.  How can we settle for anything less than the best education?  How can we tell our children that mediocre education will do, when greatness is available?" --Oliver DeMille, A Thomas Jefferson Education

What's the Point?

In this post, I will attempt to answer a question I have been struggling with for some time and I shared with someone last week. "One of my desires for my time now is to study classics and great literature, to study on my own, and to learn how to think. Is there any real profit in that? I would love to study through a university, but don't have the time or finances now and I'm not sure if it would even prepare me to do something meaningful. Is it just a selfish ambition or will it be something that I can actually some day use to make a difference. Is it okay or is it not?"

This desire was birthed in me a year and a half ago when I read A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille. Since then, I unfortunately haven't had the time I would like to devote to that ambition and I have begun to wonder if there's even a point. Would it result in me doing anything meaningful? Shouldn't I rather be active in feeding the poor, helping orphans, or freeing slaves? Is it a God-honouring desire or is it a mere waste of time on temporary things?

No. No, it's not a waste of time. I owe that conclusion to the wisdom of many individuals. I have read many articles on the issues of reading and education, received encouragement from friends, and have concluded that learning is a worthwhile pursuit. I appreciated the articles Alex and Brett Harris posted over at the Rebelution on John Piper's book Think, which I definitely intend to read. In their two posts on the book, they discuss the importance and benefit of reading and thinking hard things.

I was blessed awhile ago by what a young man shared with me. It was the idea that you can only teach your children what you know. Even if your ambition is to be a mother, you will only be able to pass on to them what you already know. He suggested that the parts of education that we don't "use" but that we remember are the ones that build us up the most.

I have also considered a few other ideas in reaching my conclusion. Classics or the great books are often referred to as the Western canon. These are the writings that have been most influential in shaping Western culture. Among them are works that have endured for hundreds, some over a thousand years. Think about that for a minute. There are people in our day who devote themselves to studying what people wrote hundreds of years ago. If their writings have been so influential and endured for so long that students in universities still study them today, I think I might to know what they had to say!

One of my desires has been to be a writer. In order to write well, you must first be able to read and think well. This can be achieved by reading literature. Also, a lot of what I write now is a result of reading. It has given my writing greater purpose. Thus, the reading and study of classics is helping me to hone my writing skills and brings me closer to achieving my goals.

I recently wrote a number of posts on Jane Eyre, a classic work of fiction. Through my study of the book, I have thought through some difficult issues. Classics often build moral character and offers excellent words of wisdom pertaining to various areas of life. They challenge the way we think and cause us to evaluate what we believe. These are just a few benefits.

I don't know where this desire will go. I don't know if I will ever have the opportunity to study and discuss these works at a college. But I intend to say no to ignorance and to learn what I can where I am. The resources available to me are numerous. And I think I can stop exploring. There's enough books I want to read to keep me busy for a lifetime.

Jane Eyre: Introduction

Today I'm introducing a new series I'll be writing for the next few weeks. I'm not sure how many posts it will be, how often I will share on it, and how many other posts will be placed in between. I did however want to start off with this post to just introduce it and let you know where I'm coming from.

About a year and a half ago when I was almost finished school, I read A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille, which I would recommend to students and parents alike. It's an awesome book authored by the founder of George Wythe University and it's all about teaching a new generation of leaders. It's faith based, compares public, home and private education, and focuses on teaching children through mentoring and the classics. It's about teaching children not what to think, but how to think. This is the book that inspired me to read and study classics.

Right now, I'm studying Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. It's going much slower than I had hoped with all the different things I have going on right now, and I'm not quite half through, but it has already made me think deeply about so many different things. This series will be a discussion of my thoughts. I don't know how it will go or what kind of feedback I will get, but I want to encourage you to study and to think.

I'm also planning on approaching this in a way that may be unpopular and I want to explain why that is. Although the first few topics I will be discussing are faith-based, I don't want to look at them from a strictly Christian/Biblical perspective, although I will do that. I want to consider human reasoning as well. I want to consider matters from different perspectives. Why is this?

I think very often as Christians, when asked what we believe about something start off with something like "Well, the Bible says. . . ." I'm not necessarily saying this approach is wrong, but sometimes what the Bible says is not actually what we believe, or want to believe. We may believe that what the Bible says is right and true, but we don't necessarily like it. We wish it were different. We are humans and by nature we don't always agree with or want what is right and true, although we should. Also, when you enter into discussions with unbelievers, "The Bible says. . ." isn't going to cut it because they don't believe in it. You have to convince them of your reasoning otherwise.

As I've been thinking through the issues of Jane Eyre, I have been reminded what God's Word has to say about things. But in my heart, I want it to be different. I want to believe that a child's bitterness and resentment is justified by her pain and unfair treatment. And in some ways, I believe I can look at scripture and rightly do that. In some ways I can't.

I haven't embarked on this study to believe, think, or feel all the right things. I have embarked on this journey to learn how to think, to form my own opinions and ideas, to look at life from a different perspective, and perhaps to draw some conclusions, although I don't think I will reach many.

I invite you to join in the discussion, or to begin your own journey into the classics. What I will be sharing on here will likely be general discussions that people can understand without having read the book. I'll avoid giving away major plot details, especially later on, although I have no idea how far I'll go. Also, I haven't watched the new movie or trailer. I want to read and appreciate the book for what it is first. If you join the discussion, please don't give away any details.