How Can I Give....?

I've been searching my brain all week for something to write about, but I feel like I'm coming up empty.  It's not necessarily that I don't have ideas, but they all seem incomplete, it's not the right time, or I'm not sure how to make them work.  I've been mulling over my year end post, like I have down for the past few years, but I have to wait a few weeks to share it.  With other ideas, I just don't know how to bring across what I'm want.

If this blog is ever a disappointment to you, I'm sorry.  I really am.  But I don't want to put out pointless content for the sake of there being something new here for you.  There's enough writers with nothing to say and I don't want to add to the number.  I truly want to offer insight here that would uplift and inspire people, and if I'm not doing that, I don't want to be writing.

I started on a new journey of sorts a couple months ago.  Before this point, I often felt like I didn't have anything to offer, like I had nothing to give, like I didn't make a difference.  It took me walking through a process with a mentor of sorts to see that I did have a difference to make.  But there was still a question pressing on my heart that I had to put before him: "How can I give what I don't have?"  Yes, I recognized I had a difference to make (I do even more now), but I felt like it wasn't real in my own life.  How could I inspire other people to have vision, when my life was directionless, when I wasn't even sure I had one?

He helped me get past that, and many other things and I can't begin to describe in a few words how exciting this journey has been for me.  But it doesn't fix things.  Yes, God has blessed me with wonderful people to help guide me in a very uncertain time in my life, but there's still a lot to work through.  I honestly can't see past this year.  I have most of this next month here planned out, but as soon as 2012 hits, I am almost clueless as to what I will have ahead of me. I know I want to reach people through my writing, but sometimes, I just don't know how to do it.  I don't know what to share with readers.

About a week ago, I told a friend something like "God won't expect you give what you don't have.  He will fill you."  Today I have to remind myself of that.  I have been seeking God in many things recently, and my writing is one of them.  I believe He has shown me in part what He has in mind for me in this area, and it's much bigger than my own ideas.  But then I feel empty. I hit a phase of writer's block, and it doesn't seem possible.  I look at my life, and it seems like something that will never fly.  Ever.

As I was thinking about this, I was reminded of a lesson by a former Sunday school teacher.  He had an interactive way of teaching that made you remember his lessons years later. Even in my youth group, we still talk about the things we remember from years back, things like "start righteousnessing."  I could provide a whole list of things I remember.  I don't remember the exact topic of this lesson, but I remember the key verse he used.

Psalm 81:10 (ESV)
I am the Lord your God,
who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

I remember this verse because he used a picture to illustrate it, like he often did.   It was a picture of a nest full of baby birds, with their beaks wide open, waiting to be filled.  If we open up our mouth wide, God will fill it.  If I continue to seek God, and take time to listen to His voice, He will fill me.  He does not expect us to go on empty.  Although this teacher no longer stands and speaks to us on Sunday mornings, his words, his message still rings loud in our lives in many ways.  His impact is not forgotten.

No, I don't know what my life holds.  I don't know how far my words will reach.  I don't always know what my words will be.  But if I ask God, He will fill me.  I don't have to give what I don't have.  If I don't always turn out something significant here every week, be patient with me.  As the Lord leads, it will come.

Blessed Spring Life

Life during this month has been nothing short of interesting. It has been full of joyful delight and anticipation. However, it has also been accompanied by a cold/cough that doesn't want to go away and concerns about life. It seems to be much in tune with the weather; some days we enjoy radiant, warm sunshine while others bring to us cold winds and rain.

My life could at present be described as an array of loose puzzle pieces, waiting to be fit together into a beautiful masterpiece. (I feel that God does want to make a beautiful masterpiece of my life.) They just seem to be having a difficult time finding each other.

I'm excited about getting some more hours at my job. I'm looking forward to doing some extra stuff on the side, like improving my writing skills and hopefully planting some flowers and a vegetable garden soon. I'm excited about the prospect of being able to get out more, cleaning up the yard, going for walks, taking out my bike and just enjoying new life. Along with all that, a car has also been on my mind a lot lately and I've been looking around at many different possibilities. All in its own good time, I suppose.

As for my bookshelf, I've been able to enjoy some more reading lately. Last week, I read Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy. If you feel as I do, strengthening your devotional and prayer life can be very difficult. This book is a great help to get motivated and serious about your prayer life. It takes time and work, but in the end I believe I will be able to say it's more than worth it and I will eagerly long for more. If you don't know about Eric and Leslie Ludy, I strongly encourage you to check them out here. I'm really blessed by their books and teaching. If you desire more in your Christian life than you currently have, they can help you grab a hold of it.

I'm also finishing up Life on the Edge: A Young Adult's Guide to a Meaningful Life by Dr. James Dobson. After that comes Alex and Brett Harris' newest book Start Here. I try to balance spiritual growth and fiction to get more variety, so I also started reading The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, which, believe it or not, I have never read before. And if you haven't noticed, I keep a book list on the side here which I regularly add to as I read stuff. If you have questions about anything, please just drop a comment.

I often can't help but wonder what will be next in my life, but I can only take it one day at a time and seek wisdom from God. I have to faithfully do the work I have in front of me and seek to make an impact right where I am.

Often as a young person, I'm filled with dreams of changing the world and making a difference. But you don't have to go to a different country or start some huge movement or anything to do that, although it's wonderful if you can. Sometimes, it's in the little things right where you are. Often just an encouraging word or smile can go a long way. My eyes were opened to this awhile ago when I watched the movie A Greater Yes, which tells the story of Amy Newhouse, also something I recommend. It will challenge you to reach out to those around you and make a difference right where you are. And yes, it's Rebelutionary.

These are just a few of the things on my mind lately. I hope that the things I write will be a blessing and encourage you in your walk with the Lord. Blessings!

Missing Something?

I know that I often have a hard time posting once a week, so twice a day is especially rare. But I'm back because I did something funny today and it sparked many thoughts.

I was getting ready to have lunch. We had some leftover soup, so I put that on the stove and went about making a sandwich. So I did what I usually do: open up the fridge and pull out my desired items to complete my ham sandwich. Before long, I had a couple of slices of bread in the toaster and spread before me I had my package of smoked black forest ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, avocado, Miracle Whip, and honey mustard. Well, after putting it all together and cutting it diagonally, I took my first scrumptious bite. Not too bad, if I do say so myself. Another bite, and another, and yet another. Somewhere, as the delicious flavours combined in my mouth, it seemed something was missing, but I couldn't place my finger on it. All I knew was this was still really good. About halfway through, my eyes settled on the opened package of ham in front of me...Of all things I could have forgotten! I picked up the top triangle of bread and nestled a couple of slices on top of my honey mustard and mayo smeared lettuce. There. Now, it really was a ham sandwich.

How could I have forgotten the most important part? It's not a ham sandwich without ham! I know you're all thinking I have to be pretty dumb, but this brunette here is allowed one blond moment a day. Well, people do this all the time. There are people who call themselves Christians and Christ isn't evident in them at all. They claim to believe in something, teach something, do something, all in the name of Christianity, but somehow, it's still done without Christ. There are many people who like to teach good moral principles, but don't want to associate them with Christ. They could give you many legitimate reasons why you should or should not do something, why not to lie, steal, or "cheat" on your wife, but the simple fact that something is a command of God just doesn't seem to fit in. That could be really offensive, you know?!!

This year has gone by really fast again and Christmas is only a months away. Ooops! Did I just say CHRISTmas?!! Aahh, what a better time to focus on anything but the truth! Okay, so I'm being a little sarcastic. The fact is, most people celebrate Christmas, especially stores! Time to roll in the big bucks! Many people could tell you by now they have all their shopping done, and everything is already neatly wrapped and lookin' right perty under the tree. Children are one hyper mess about everything they want. But go into a store. Look at the banners, flyers, advertisements: Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings...You don't see Merry Christmas very often anymore. That has Christ in it and they don't want to offend anybody! A big X is often used to replace the word, but that's only a short form, you know! It's ridiculous! Listen to music. You won't hear many traditional carols about the birth of Jesus in public anymore but anything else that sounds happy and upbeat that goes right with the hectic atmosphere and stressed out shoppers will be just wonderful.

At Christmas, we Christians celebrate Christ; the Son of God come to the world in the flesh. But what does the rest of the world celebrate? What is their reason for the gifts, banguets, dinners, get togethers and all the other fun stuff. What many celebrate is a lie, passed down from one generation to the next. Children are taught to celebrate the image of a big jolly man in a red suit with a snowy white beard that goes all over the world in one night with his reindeer and his sleigh bringing presents to all the "nice" and "good" people. A "holy day" has been covered up with lies and distractions to keep people from the truth.

I hope you get where I'm coming from in all this, even though I did have a bit of a rough time making my point. Just like you can't have a ham sandwich without ham, you can't have Christians or Christmas without Christ. This was for me a good reminder for me today and I hope it will be for all of you as well.

Answering Questions

When asking for suggestions on what to post about, I got several suggestions and I will now expand on a few.

I finally have some more information on my job. As I said in my last post, I got a part-time position at a cafe in my hometown. I will simply be a counter attendant, and will be going back and forth from cash, coffee and other hot drinks, making smoothies, making sandwiches and so forth. I'm looking forward to it and know it will be a good challenge finding a proper balance between work, school, home, and a social life. This week, I'm still making preparations, making uniforms, doing some studying, cooking while I still have time, and so on.

I also got a suggestion on writing. Now, my book hasn't made any progress since the summer. It hasn't particularly been a priority as I've been getting busier with other things and I prefer reading books over trying to write one. There are a few things that I have learned about writing, though. When you write, you find out a lot about yourself. I have more than once surprised myself when I write because I guess I myself don't often expect what actually comes out. More often than not, though, I see where my line of thinking is wrong. I discover what I really believe, but I can't say I'm always pleased by what I find.

So there's another random post about not a whole lot of anything, but since I asked for suggestions, I might as well post about them.

New Seasons

I absolutely love watching the colours change as autumn comes around. I feel fresh and new today, but I can't say it's always been like that the last few weeks. I've been trying to deal with a lot of things as God is purifying me...it's been really hard. But I also feel a spiritual rain coming. I was blessed to take a walk this morning, with my skirt blowing in the wind and the leaves dancing around me. Then after I came back, spending some time with my nephew, playing in the leaves, as the rain came. I managed to convince him to come inside before we got too wet and get some of the morning's pictures and videos on the computer.

I was reading in James this morning and came across these words:

James 1:2-4
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Joy? Perfect and entire, wanting nothing? That's not exactly now I would describe how I've been feeling the last couple of weeks. But it can be! Why should I count it all joy? Because I am growing stronger! No, it isn't easy, but it's definitely worth it in the end. The victory is mine. I just have to take hold of it.

You may know what it's like to seriously exercise after you haven't done it for awhile! You may feel pretty sore for a few days. Normally, I would complain and moan over the pain, but not this week. I actually find that it feels good to be sore. I know I'm getting stronger and it feels good. I thank God that He has given me the ability to exercise and use my body.

I was almost in wonder this morning. While some trees are already bare, some are still green. ...and that's wonderful! It's easy to be discontent and want someone else's life but maybe it's a lot like the trees. When they change at different times, we can enjoy the colours longer. It's more exciting when things are different.

Here are a few pictures I got this morning:
God bless you as you continue to serve Him!

Not Qualified?

Acts 4:13
"Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus."

Do you ever feel inadequate or far from qualified for the task set before you? We all fall into this one at some point. Some one asks us to do something, and we like to step back, putting up our hands defensively and going on, reading out of our book of excuses why we can't do it. I do it myself all the time. We feel inadequate. We don't qualify. We don't have the talents, skill, or abilities. We know someone else who would be much better suited for the position. WHY ME?!!!

So when I read this verse this week, I took fresh courage. When Jesus chose His disciples, He chose ordinary people. Ordinary people, living ordinary lives, to serve an extraordinary God, and thus do extraordinary things. Fishermen. Not incredibly remarkable individuals, not particularly educated and intelligent...just ordinary people. I take fresh courage in that. Possibly God wants to show Himself strong in my weaknesses. Not possibly; I know He does.

God uses ordinary people, the unqualified, the inadequate. He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. He takes our fears and failures and uses them for His honour and glory. But we can't do it ourselves; it has to be God's working in and through us. Peter spoke, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and thousands were added to the church. He couldn't have done it himself.

Acts 5:38,39
And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought:
But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.

Even this Pharisee, Gamaliel, recognized that men's work comes to nought, but God's work will always prosper. It cannot be overthrown. Does that mean we won't ever face opposition when God calls us to do something? No. Jesus tells us that we will face opposition, but it will prosper.

Sorry, I hardly know how to put my thoughts into words. I hope that made some sense. Blessings!

The Work of the Lord

And, yes, the Lord is doing a mighty work. My sincerest apologies for waiting so long to post again. The Lord is doing much pruning, chastising, and refining once again. I'm most definitely an ongoing project that's never finished. I was thinking about this last week when my mom and I were doing some sewing. We had made a skirt last year that hadn't turned out and so now we were going to do some alterations to get it to fit. So after tearing out this seam and doing this or that, we could just not get it to fit right and look nice and there were many other problems along with it. Quite discouraged, my mom suggested that if it was alright with me, we would just leave it for now.

The next morning, I woke up with this thought: Isn't it wonderful that our Heavenly Father doesn't do that? He never gives up on us. He doesn't put us aside when we don't immediately respond to his molding. Rather He tears open this seam and redoes that one until it's just right; He doesn't stop until the work is finished and perfect and that makes me rejoice. Yes, it hurts and it's not always fun, but He holds our hand every step of the way and great is our reward.

So there's just one of my recent thoughts. God bless.

A Matter of Perspective

I was really blessed today to take some time to free my mind, reflect, and just be quiet before God and allow Him to speak to my heart. Psalm 34:8 says "O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." Somebody can tell me about the goodness of the Lord. I can open my Bible and read about the goodness of the Lord just as well. But until I taste and see for myself that the Lord is good and experience God myself, I don't really know that...it doesn't mean nearly as much to me.

I've been blessed in my babysitting job. For a long time, I was learning to be content with it, but now I'm actually enjoying it. Today a thought came to me. This eight year old boy really likes to brag about me. He's convinced I'm an awesome chef (I'm glad somebody thinks so), I'm a "pro" at Dutch Blitz, and likewise a "pro" at badminton. Now, I am pretty good at cooking, at least I think so, but I know many people who are much better at it than I am but he doesn't know that. Again, I'm pretty decent at Dutch Blitz, but I know many who are much better at it than me and he's only learning now. He's also fresh at the sport of badminton but so am I. Yes, I played badminton in high school, but the coach's elementary school boys beat me no problem. And had any seniors been in watching me practice, they would have been scratching their heads wondering how I managed to make the team. But see, this eight year old doesn't see that. He's only half as old as I am and lacks experience...he just hasn't seen as much as I have. It's like when I tell a six year old girl that I'm 16, she thinks I'm old. It's a matter of perspective.

So, when I was reflecting on this I remembered a portion of scripture I recently read in Luke 7 where a woman comes to Jesus, washing his feet with her tears, wiping them with her hair and then anointing them. In verse 47, Jesus says "Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little." Thinking of this, a man who is a convicted murderer, who has done all kinds of horrible things and will be spending the rest of his life behind bars, when He discovers God's love and learns what Jesus has done for Him, and that all his sins are forgiven, he will have much greater love for God than someone who was only forgiven a lie he told. To the one that told a lie, salvation, forgiveness, and the remission of sins doesn't mean nearly as much so his love will not be as great. Suppose there was a group of people chosen, for whatever reason, that automatically had eternal life without Jesus, which we know can never happen. But if this were by chance the case, Jesus' death and resurrection and what He accomplished on the cross may not mean anything because they have not experienced what the next person has. He has not experienced the joy and relief when Jesus says "Thy sins are forgiven thee." Does that make any sense? I hardly know how to put it all in words.

Well, that's a bit of what was on my mind tonight. God bless.

God is Working

It's been almost a week since I last posted...it feels like yesterday. This week has gone by much faster than I initially anticipated. I know my posts haven't had very much in them lately but that doesn't mean my life is boring right now. Completely the opposite, actually. God has been doing a marvelous work in my life. It's not easy, but He's with us even through the fiery trials. I'm learning so much and He speaks to me in such everyday ordinary things if I'm willing to listen and learn. I'm learning not to get distracted in my life but rather to focus on the task at hand; serving my Lord and Saviour where He has placed me right now. Otherwise the results may not be so good at all. I hardly know what to say...words don't do justice what I've been learning and God's marvelous works in my life, even if I tried to explain.

The last few weeks I've often gone back to the Psalms for words of strength and encouragement.

Psalm 63:7, 8
Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.
My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.

One day I randomly turned to Psalm 60 and something caught my attention:
Psalm 60: 9-12
Who will bring me into the strong city? who will lead me into Edom?
Wilt not thou, O God, which hadst cast us off? and thou, O God, which didst not go out with our armies?
Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man.
Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies.

Isn't that amazing! It reminds me of Job.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
-Selah, Before the Throne of God Above

God bless you and keep you. Give Him praise.

A Little Bit of Everything

So, I'm supposed to be leaving for China on Sunday. *gasps, What?!!!* That's a great reaction. But no, I had a dream this week that I was flying out to China this Sunday and I was going to be doing some work there for a month. Of course, everyone thought I was crazy. I had a dream last night that I broke my bottom retainer and I nearly did this morning. I accidentally tried putting it in upside down and bit down on it really hard. (Don't try that...I doesn't work.) But anyway, I feel like I'm at a point in my life where God has something big right in front of me, I just don't see it yet. I see myself out in the mission field someday, but not right now. I'm content doing what I do right now, and yet eager to move on. I was reading in Matthew this morning and I noticed that Joseph always stayed where He was until God showed him otherwise. He stayed with Mary and Jesus in Bethlehem until he was told to flee to Egypt, then Israel, and later they settled in Galilee. So I shall stay right where I am until God shows me otherwise.

Last night at gym night, some of us girls played soccer and was that ever an interesting affair. I hadn't played since the Wissmanns were at our church last year and it felt like we were just running around in circles until a couple of guys came in to help us. And just to clarify their error we are Lighthouse Gospel Church.

I read 1 Kings 10 awhile back and have gone back to it a few times, so I thought maybe it was time to post about it. But first, in chapter 3, God speaks to Solomon in a dream allowing him to ask for whatever he wants and he chooses wisdom. Then God says, read I Kings 3:11-14. Notice that God does not say I will give thee but rather "I have given thee." At this point I'm going to ignore that Solomon had 700 wives and princesses and 300 concubines because that just scares me, not to mention that they turned away his heart. Now, in chapter 10, the queen of Sheba comes to visit Solomon. She's heard all kinds of things about his wisdom and riches and can't believe it's true so she has to go see for herself. Then she says in verses 6 and 7:

"And she said to the king, It was a true report that I heard in mine own land of thy acts and of thy wisdom.
Howbeit I believed not the words, until I came, and mine eyes had seen it: and, behold, the half was not told me: thy wisdom and prosperity exceedeth the fame which I heard."

Can people say this about us and our character? Do we hold such a testimony that people don't believe others when they talk about us? Do they have to come to us and see for themselves and only find that we are much greater than of what they heard? I think you'll all agree that you are by no means that kind of person but you can strive to be. It may not be fame of riches and wisdom, but simply godly character and a heart that loves Jesus. I liked how in Do Hard Things, Alex and Brett talked about being known more for what you do do than for what you don't do. What kind of impression do others have of you?

Enough rambling for today...Seek Jesus and Him alone.

After A Wonderful Weekend

Ok, so I got the day off because they tell me it's a "holiday" so here I am updating my blog. Yesterday another church invited our youth for a barbecue. It wasn't exactly barbecue weather so we were inside most of the day but it was good.

A verse that I've been thinking about is Proverbs 17:3 which says "The fining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold; but it is the Lord who trieth the hearts." This is an encouragement to me to know that the hotter the fires I go through the more precious the outcome. To be honest, the last few weeks have been a little hard for me but our adult Sunday school and message yesterday really helped. A couple of days there I felt this emptiness and void in my life like my life just felt really vain. I tried filling it with different things but it just seemed to get worse. Then in Sunday school yesterday I realized what I needed was to really know God. Not to just read my Bible and pray but to really know and experience God. All week I was praying about different things but God just seemed silent. I kept saying "Lord, I want to know You!" When He finally did speak it's like He was saying, "Do you really? Because if you want to truly no Me then I want all of you. Not just a part of you or bits and pieces of you but I want all of you and notjing but you. I don't want you dragging extra stuff behind you; I want just you. Nothing more and nothing less.

In the message a point was made that we have to walk by faith. We can't just use a formula or apply a three step process to anything but we have to walk by faith. Also, that when something comes up in our lives we have to let God in on it but before we do that we need to firmly decide that whether we love it or hate it, we will do what He says.

I also went back to some notes and things I had written down from a book I read about two months ago and was reminded that what I truly longed for was a deep, intimate relationship with God. In the book the author shared some insight on a portion of scripture which really summarizes my desire. Matthew 13:45, 46 says "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all he had, and bought it." There are five points we can get out of this: There is a pearl of great price (Jesus), We are to seek it, We are commanded to purchase it, It costs us everything, and It is worth the price.

So that's about enough for today. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. God bless!

Quick Post

Since you're probably all wondering where I've been I decided to pop in for a quick post. Short at that for many reasons. I started Driver's Ed this week which is not bad but it feels really wierd after not being in a classroom with a bunch of high school kids in over a year. Alex and Brett over at the Rebelution nearly made me cry after reading their last blog post about five minutes ago on cereal. Had I been there in person I could have screamed at them for at least five minutes but you'll all have to go check that out for yourselves. I read this week in Proverbs that before honour is humility and I've been meditating on that. And there's all the chemistry that I'm not doing which is why I have to make this quick and I'll be going right about...now!

Fellow Blog Readers

Hello again to my fellow blog readers whoever you all are. My week has been busy. My mom and I made a skirt for me this week and after working on it for three days, we've just a little bit to finish. We had to readjust the pattern a couple of times to get the right fit (good thing we had lots of fabric) and hemmed it twice. I learned many things about sewing and one major unrelated thing. Even when I really don't think so, Mom really is a whole lot smarter than I think. We made the skirt really long and my mom kept saying that we would have to take a few inches off the bottom. But of course I didn't believe her and insisted that by the time we did this and that and hemmed it, it would be perfect. But sure enough, by the time we thought we were finished, it still dragged on the floor (even with shoes on). May I add that my mom hadn't liked hemming it all and now she had to cut a couple of inches off the bottom and do it again. For modesty purposes, we sewed a slip right into, so now we pretty well just have to shorten that by a few inches.

Lord willing, I'm starting Drivers Ed next week with a couple of friends. I don't have all the money together yet but I trust that God will provide. Hey, there's something you folks can all pray about. There'll be three or four of us Christians there so we could really have an impact, being salt and light.

Thank you guys all so much and God bless! And remember, chances are Mom really does know more than you do!

What Do We Seek After?

This is a crucial question for everyone. But not only what do we seek after but what takes up our time? Do we get distracted by the things of this world and put our relationship with God on hold? I tend to do this quite a bit and I also tend to daydream when I should be working on something. In a way I have actually set up idols in my life the last couple of days, things that aren't helping me grow and bring only hardship instead of joy. In the end we're left feeling that our life is vain and empty and it is. But we need to seek Christ; to find our joy, peace, contentment and security in Him. Nothing else can truly fulfill the voids in our life no matter how promising they look.

I was reading this morning in Proverbs 1 and I completely saw myself. God was calling out to me and I refused to listen. He called again and I said no again. When I finally realized that I was tearing my own self apart, I called out but it felt like God just wasn't willing to listen. Before I enjoyed sweet fellowship and communion, an understanding relationship that was alive but now I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. This probably hurts more than anything; God refusing to listen because of your sin. Until we repent and turn back to following Him, there's a blockage in our life and the water can't flow freely.

So let us lay aside the false and vain things of this world and look to Christ. He will chastise us until He has us back and it saves us a lot of pain as well. Look to Jesus for He alone is worthy.

The Lord is Good!

The Lord is good. I could recite Psalm 145 to describe this but I won't. Can I magnify Him for what He has done in my life? Absolutely. Can I begin to describe His goodness? That's somewhat more difficult. I was asked yesterday why I loved Jesus. I considered answering that it was because He first loved me. But that just doesn't say enough. When I consider what He has done for me, how He suffered and died to pardon me from my sin, what do I owe Him? My life, my love, my full devotion and adoration. But I know that. What do I really owe Him? To extend the same measure of love to others that He has extended to me. This is what I owe Him along with my life and this is the best testimony that I have Christ living in me: the love I extend to others. It will not always be easy. It wasn't easy for Christ to die for us. Nevertheless, this is what we owe Him.

So that's my random meditation for today and God bless you as you continue to have sweet fellowship with Him.

Learning From a Rough Week

I'd been sick for a week now and I'm still recovering although feeling much better. It seems I had gotten a nasty case of food poisoning (not fun) and after nobody else got it and it lasted for so long, I knew it wasn't just a stomach flu. It's so easy to take our good health for granted. This was probably the hardest week I've had in long time. For the last few weeks I had been learning to take everything to God in prayer so that's exactly what I did. Last Thursday night I still felt fine but I had a bit of a cold so I prayed for God to take it away and I woke up in the morning with this. Personally I would rather have taken the cold. And every time I prayed for healing it just got worse and just when I thought I was starting to feel better it got worse again. My faith was really under fire.

Sometimes you get bored from doing chores and the same things all the time, but don't complain. It's really hard when you're too sick to do the things you normally do. After hardly being able to eat for a week, loosing nearly ten pounds (and I'm fairly small as it is), and being extremely weak, I was pretty well left in bed a few days. Then you see that Mom could use a lot of help but you can't help her and when you offer she sends you to bed. So don't ever complain about all the work you have to do; thank God for the health that you can do those things.

Anyway, I have a lot to do but I'll try and post again early next week. Blessings!

Are We Available?

I feel this to be a critical question for all Christians. We all want God to use us to do great things but are we truly available. You may find yourself hesitating to surrender your will to God and become fully available because He might ask you to do something you don't want to do. We need to realize that God often has much different plans for us than we have for ourselves: bigger and better. No, it doesn't always seem that way but we don't always see what He sees. It isn't always easy and that's the whole point. God doesn't ask us to do easy things but the hard things that are much more rewarding. We may have a great long term vision for the future, but we're so focused on that, we forget to take the necessary steps right in front of us to get there. It may seem small and pointless but have you ever considered that it might just be your training ground?

God doesn't ask us to have it all figured out. What He does require is that we trust Him and be obedient to His will, available for His work. We have an extraordinary God who uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

God bless!

Looking Up

It's been hard having to neglect my blog and it almost feels like I'm running out of things to talk about when I do have time to post. Funny because my life is busier than ever right now. I've been helping my sister out quite a bit, babysitting, trying to cram in a little schoolwork when I can. I feel like time is swallowing me up; there's so much to do but not enough time.

These last few weeks I've learned to be a lot more dependent on God, learning to take everything to Him in prayer. I'm starting to see what it really means to worship in spirit and truth and having fellowship with the Lord right throughout the day and not just in my quiet time or church. In all things we need to look to Jesus. He is everything and we are nothing and can do nothing without Him. Our very breath of life depends on Him for He is the giver of life.

I need to do a chemistry experiment this afternoon yet but I hope I can get something in later.

I'm Back

Sorry, I've been trying to get a post in all week but something kept coming up. I feel like I've had a really busy week but gotten little accomplished. And yet, I've learned a lot. Mainly that I have to be completely dependent on God in all things. Also, the importance of diligently working at the task right in front of me. Some of you may know the feeling; we have a great vision and great things we want to accomplish and here we are inching along not really getting anywhere. But at the same time we're making great progress. We are preparing for great things. We are taking small steps toward the goal but they are very necessary. Things don't happen overnight. We can't expect to wake up one morning and have our greatest dreams fall in our lap.

One of my dreams is to one day serve in Ghana and here I am dragging through my schoolwork, trying to do other things to keep moving. But if I can't be faithful in the small mission fields God has placed me in, I won't be faithful in the big ones later. I've noticed this week that I'm really in a mission training ground. It's easy to get discouraged and discontent with the small hard things we're doing but they are extremely important. Our calling is to seek, serve, love, and learn more about Jesus, to seek His favour and for that we will have great rewards.

Blessings!