Reflecting Him Part 1

This post was written after a tiring week, but I don't know when it will go onto my blog.  As for some background, at New Year's, my primary vision for 2013 was that in good times, and in hard times, God's grace and strength would be reflected in my life.  This post is a look at my week and what I learned through it. (I have been non-specific about some things to keep some aspects of my life/work more private.)

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I go to bed earlier to catch up on sleep I missed the night before.  Monday went alright, but I know I have stresses and long days ahead of me yet.  I need the rest and energy, and I pray for a good night.  I fall asleep quickly, or at least I think so.  The next thing I remember is various thoughts going through my mind.  I'm in a half-awake and dreaming at the same time.  I begin to shake underneath my blankets.  No, I can't get sick now.  I have an important meeting today.  I wonder if I will have to call in.  I've never had to do that before.

Wondering how much time I have before I have to get up, I turn over to look at the alarm clock.  It's only 11:22.  I still have over six hours.  I push the covers back and head down to the bathroom.  There I continue to shake violently.  This happens all too often to me.  I try to relax my shaking body, then go to the kitchen where I measure a spoon of antacid into a glass of water.  I drink the bubbling mixture, hoping it will work quickly and I will be able to sleep again.

Shortly hereafter, I make my way back to bed, only to come back down to the bathroom several times.  I try to vomit, but am not successful.  After being up for about two hours, I drift off to sleep.  In the morning, I pull myself out of bed, force some breakfast down, take a Gravol and go to work.

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I have been praying about this meeting for weeks.  I have feared it.  I stare out the window watching scenery and traffic go by and pray again.  I know we'll need it.  Afterward, I walk out confused.  It went totally different than expected.  Better than expected.  I want to thank God, but I'm so confused, I only wonder when the next attack will come.

Why do I do this? Why is it that when things go better than expected, I either think I was worried for no reason, or that something bad is yet bound to happen?  I pray for weeks about something, and then when it goes well, I don't even give credit to God.  Why do I strip Him of the praise He deserves?

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I come home late.  It has now been 14 hours since I left that morning.  Another fearful meeting has gone better than expected.  I'm very tired and hungry.  Nothing is prepared for me.  I pull out a carton of almond milk and Cheerios.  This is as much supper as I can handle half an hour before bed.  Must try to get 8 hours of sleep tonight, because I have the same kind of day ahead of me tomorrow, although likely not quite as late.

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I drive myself to another meeting.  It's an hour to my destination.  I can follow Christian radio stations for the whole drive, but I'm looking forward to getting past the next city where the traffic thins out.  These are moments I'm thankful for.  After the meeting, I make a similar drive home, although slower than usual with the snow in some areas.  I arrive home earlier than last night.  I had noticed pork chops thawing on the kitchen counter that morning and looking forward to something close to a real supper.  There are, however, no pork chops left.  I cut a bagel in half, push down the toaster, and pull a jar of Cheez Whiz out of the fridge. I don't even like this stuff, but I crave it occasionally and don't want butter again.  How does that work?

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So there's snippets of a few of my days.  What did I learn from all this?  Although I was busy, tired, and had little time to think or focus on anything other than work, I can never shut my mind off completely. Some of the things I have described are common for me.  Others perhaps not so much.  What I saw though is that when I desire to reflect God's strength, my circumstances don't always change.  God doesn't always sugar-coat things for me or smooth out the road.  Life is still hard.  I still get tired.  I still feel sick during nights I really need sleep.  I still have to get up and go to work when I really don't want to.  So how do I reflect God's grace in all of this?

Response.  That's what it comes down to.  I can whine and complain, or I can invite God into my circumstances.  The difference is in how I respond.  And to be honest, my response is generally to complain and get irritable with people around me, to mope in my self-pity.  Perhaps that's largely what I've been doing in this post.  

When I look back on this week, I can't identify a moment where God's strength was incredibly evident.  But I do recognize where I had peace that I normally would not have.  I have recognized meetings that went better than they should have.  And yet, my first instinct wasn't to praise God and give Him credit for these things, although I had prayed significantly about them.  I know I'm not the only one to do this but why do we do that?  Why do we dismiss things and say that maybe we were just overreacting or getting worried for nothing when things go better?  Why do we try to credit our own strength when we can go to work when we don't want to, when we can speak with confidence and peace, when just the thought of something half an hour earlier terrified us?  It's something I don't entirely understand.

This I do understand.  We reflect God's grace and strength in how we respond to circumstances.  We reflect His grace when we give Him the credit that's rightfully His.  We also reflect Him when we intercede for others in our own hard times.  

But that's too much for this post, and I will continue my story later.

To be continued....

Responsible Single: Make Some Money

I'm going to get into a topic in this post that can be controversial in some Christian circles and that is young women getting jobs, or developing some other means of making an income.  Some Christians believe that women belong only in the home and should not be in the workplace.  I don't entirely agree.  I will share in this post what I have done in the past five years and what encouragement I have to offer single young women.

When I was 15, I started babysitting and this was my first small, somewhat consistent stream of income.  With that money, I completed a year of my secondary education and put myself through Driver's Ed.  From there, I had a couple short term jobs, before I got a part-time job at a local Christian bookstore where I was for almost three years. This year, I have taken on an administrative position (that came with a lot of non-administrative tasks) at a solar company that has stretched me to the limits at times.

Why should a single young woman go out and work?  I see several benefits to this.  First of all, it's not good to be idle.  Idleness breeds discontentment and sometimes unhealthy habits in our lives.  I know at times when I haven't worked much, even if it initially seems fun to spend most of my days at home, I quickly become depressed and restless.

Second, I think it's good to learn to meet your own needs.  In my home, I had to learn to do this much earlier than most young people, as my last paragraph indicates.  Through my small, part-time minimum wage income, I got my full driver's license, paid my insurance, purchased and maintained my own car, paid room and board, and paid for my other needs and wants.  I learned how to take care of myself.  I learned the value of work and money.  I learned what it takes to pay the bills and make ends meet.  I'm so glad I had the opportunity to learn this responsibility when I did.

Third, I believe it's good for young women going into marriage to understand the value of work and money.  So even if you desire to be a housewife, I think it's good to have some work experience behind you.  I fear that if a young women doesn't have this experience, she will not value what her husband does in efforts to provide for their family.  (And yes, I believe it is his responsibility to provide.)  She will not understand how difficult it sometimes is to stay faithful at a job and make sure there's money to meet expenses.  I fear she will in turn take advantage of what he does and what he brings home.

I said in my introduction that I would be honest about what I perceive to be disadvantages to the topics I cover, so I will take a moment to address that.  One of my fears for myself is that in working, I have become so independent, and so used to providing for my needs, I will have a hard time letting someone else do it for me.  Not that I would have a hard time staying at home while my husband works, but I fear that I will not feel like I deserve the money he works for.  I think I may at times feel guilty about spending our income on things beyond necessities that I want because I don't earn it.  This may not be a challenge for a young woman whose needs have always been met by her parents.

As I mentioned in my introduction to this series, the Proverbs 31 Woman was an entrepreneur.  She was a wife, mom, and managed her own business, making and selling goods.  She made money, she purchased land.  She was competent in financial and business matters.  If you as a young woman see an opportunity to pursue your own business venture, or be a part of a family business, I would encourage you to take it.  It's still a desire of mine.  Finding a job can be hard, but starting your own business is harder, and not everyone is cut out for it.  But I definitely see it as something that can be very beneficial when you're single or married.

Having said all this, I know it can be difficult to find a good job, especially if you want something in a good environment.  Depending on your education, skills, and geographic location, it can be even more difficult.  But I encourage you to make an effort.  You don't have to work full-time.  Although I do work full-time now, I do prefer to have more time at home where I can cook, bake, study, pursue my writing further and the like.  I definitely miss that often about my last job.  If possible, find something where you can not only use, but grow your skills and talents, a job where there are new opportunities in sight.  It may be hard at times, but it will prove to be much more rewarding.

In the end, the goal should be to be productive, to learn how to provide for your own needs and to understand the value of work and money.  I hope that whatever you pursue, you can learn, grow, and enjoy it all at the same time.

Next Post: Learn to Drive

What You Gain Here Stays Here

We can't take anything with us when we die. You've probably heard it way too many times. But has it become a reality to you?

I was at my bank last week looking into some savings options and as I'm trying to understand everything being explained to me, the lady suddenly asks, "If you die and go to heaven, who do you want all your money to go to?" I was taken back to say the least. That question didn't sit well with me and I it certainly wasn't something I wanted to answer. But I had to. I had to decide who I wanted to have my money when I died. I hated doing that.

Now, I know life is short. I've been reminded of that again this past month. I'm not guaranteed a long life, but I live like I am. I plan, I think, I save. But the truth is, when I die, everything I have accumulated in my lifetime I'll leave behind. What I gain here stays here.

I've been studying Ecclesiastes with some girls and this is one of the topics that came up.

Ecclesiastes 2: 18-21 (ESV)
I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity. So I turned about and gave my heart up to despair over all the toil of my labors under the sun, because sometimes a person who has toiled with wisdom and knowledge and skill must leave everything to be enjoyed by someone who did not toil for it.

Basically, when we leave this world, everything we own and worked for goes to somebody who didn't work for it. And on top of that, you have no idea what they're going to do with it. How fair is that? But how does that affect the way we live? I don't go to work thinking my money's going to go to someone else. That's not the plan. But one day, it will.

Keeping this in mind, how does it can change the way you live? Because what you gain here, you have to leave here.

My Wonderful Job

As some of you may know, for the past year and a half or so, I've been working in a local Christian bookstore and I really enjoy my job. This past month though, we've worked hard on making some significant changes. We have repainted, replaced the not-so-pretty hardwood with a nice carpet, got all new shelving and a ton of new products. It looks sharp, to say the least. It has meant a lot of hard work and things looking a lot worse before they looked better, but tomorrow morning we reopen for our first day as a new store and a new name.

I used to love being able to say I worked in a Christian bookstore. But we're not a bookstore anymore. We're now a family store. Our focus is to promote traditional values, faith, family and healthy relationships. So we now carry more products to promote that and bring families together.

It has been so much fun bringing all the things together and digging into boxes upon boxes of wonderful new stuff. We have a ton educational games, toys and other cool children's stuff. And although we're moving back a little on books, we've gotten some neat new lines of children's books as well as classics. We're now proud retailers of Yankee candles, and with their wonderful scents the store will never grow stale. We also carry four awesome line of natural bath and body products. Oh, and did I already mention that we have all kinds of fun, old-fashioned candy?

So, I work in a store that sells books, Bibles, music, greeting cards, giftware, bath and body, toys, games, candy and we also have DVD rentals. I'm probably forgetting about something, but then I could be here forever. Sometimes when I think about it, it seems so random, but I love it.

Our grand opening is tomorrow and I'm definitely looking forward to it. The hard work is so worth it. Also, check us out on Facebook under Returning Home.

Until next time, God bless!

A Peek into my Life

A lot in my life has changed this year while my blog has been neglected. I'm currently working part-time as a sales associate at Words of Life Christian Bookstore. I finished school a couple of weeks ago, which was a huge sense of accomplishment. I had been working through correspondence for over two years now, and although it wasn't nearly always easy, it has definitely been a rewarding experience. People always ask me what I'm going to do know, and I really don't know. I'm definitely enjoying some free time at home, and I'm going to be working more closer to Christmastime. In the new year, I'll definitely be looking for the next step, but I'm pretty clueless right now as to what that will be, and I'm actually content about that. I'm actually okay with not knowing yet, but I trust that whatever God has for me next, it will be good.

My life at work is always exciting and I absolutely love my job. Going to work in the morning is often a mystery, because I usually don't know what I'll be doing that day. Typical days include taking care of sales, answering customer inquiries, maybe some cleaning, and other things involved in running a store. Sometimes we'll get orders in from suppliers and I'll enter and label products and call customers. Orders are generally big so this often takes up the better part of my day. I've also learned to eat on a schedule when I work, having breakfast at home at 8:30, and then I generally always have a snack between 11 and 11:3o. This is because it generally always gets very busier over lunch time, and I'm generally not able to eat until 1:00 or later, and then I generally still have a few interruptions.

My days at home vary a lot. Right now, I'm working on compiling a bunch of loose recipes and ones I've collected online, which may still take me a couple of weeks to finish. Otherwise, I help out around the house, cooking and baking, and hopefully do some more blogging. These days are hard to describe accurately because they're so varied and different things always come up, and days usually don't go as planned.

If finances will allow, I'm planning on attending the Set-Apart Girl Conference 2010 in Greeley, CO in the spring. If any of my readers are going as well, please do let me know so we'll be sure to meet each other.

So there you have a general peek into my life, for those of you who care to know. Blessings to all of you.

Answering Questions

When asking for suggestions on what to post about, I got several suggestions and I will now expand on a few.

I finally have some more information on my job. As I said in my last post, I got a part-time position at a cafe in my hometown. I will simply be a counter attendant, and will be going back and forth from cash, coffee and other hot drinks, making smoothies, making sandwiches and so forth. I'm looking forward to it and know it will be a good challenge finding a proper balance between work, school, home, and a social life. This week, I'm still making preparations, making uniforms, doing some studying, cooking while I still have time, and so on.

I also got a suggestion on writing. Now, my book hasn't made any progress since the summer. It hasn't particularly been a priority as I've been getting busier with other things and I prefer reading books over trying to write one. There are a few things that I have learned about writing, though. When you write, you find out a lot about yourself. I have more than once surprised myself when I write because I guess I myself don't often expect what actually comes out. More often than not, though, I see where my line of thinking is wrong. I discover what I really believe, but I can't say I'm always pleased by what I find.

So there's another random post about not a whole lot of anything, but since I asked for suggestions, I might as well post about them.