What Did I Do?: Masks, Funnel Cake, and Whip Kicks

Well, I'm feeling the hurt of lack of creativity, but I'm trying and learning new things nonetheless.

March 5: Last Wednesday, I saw an interesting snippet in the local newspaper, but it didn't occur to me that it was something new. The next day, I pulled that snippet out of a newspaper and got it drilled in my mind. According to The Aylmer Express, "Daylight Savings Time was originally instituted during the First Great War as a way to save energy in Europe, U.S.A. and Canada. It was cancelled at the end of the war but reinstituted during the Second Great War." I did not know that. I know that I don't mind falling back, but springing forward is a little more difficult to adjust to.

March 6: Although I'm not really into a whole lot of beauty stuff, what do I do on a day I feel under the weather? Pamper myself, of course! So I attempted the facial mask. I had researched some different recipes, many of which seemed pretty straightforward. I found some interesting ones, like the one that used ground coffee and cocoa, but I couldn't justify wasting a 1/4 cup of expensive Hershey's cocoa on my face. Another one that intrigued me was one for acne-prone/acne-scarred skin, which called for a pureed onion. But then it occurred to me that putting pureed onion on my face could become an emotional ordeal. In the end, I settled for grinding up some oatmeal in my Bullet, adding some honey and water. It smelled good. And I confess, I ate some before putting it on my face.

The facial is supposed to tighten your skin, and my skin definitely felt tight with oatmeal drying on it! I won't post pictures of that, because I don't look so good with breakfast on my face. But while I was waiting for 15-20 minutes, I sang this simple song, which has been on my mind a lot lately, and seemed fitting for the occasion.

"I have so many masks to cover up and hide."

Washing all the oatmeal off was a bit tedious, and I found myself thinking "I don't think I'm going to do it this again." But afterwards when I saw and felt how nice my face was, I wasn't so sure anymore. Who knows?

March 7: After my shift at work Saturday, I fried myself a funnel cake. I had never had a funnel cake before, and although we unfortunately didn't have ice cream or berry sauce or any other kind of yummyness to put on it, we did have whipped cream. Oodles of sweet, fatty goodness!

March 8: On Sunday, I saw a video about how to use a seam sipper in a way I didn't know. Not that I sew. In truth, the thought of sewing terrifies me. I would do just about any household chore before trying to sew. But if I do try, the seam ripper has to be handy.

Then I also read an article from which I learned some new things, although it also left me somewhat disturbed and disgusted. In 1951, doctors could take tissue samples from patients and use them for research without the patient's permission. And so, one woman's cells were mass reproduced and sold for research and other medical and scientific discoveries. I had very mixed feelings about the situation, especially when something is taken from a person and turned into a multibillion-dollar industry without their knowledge.

March 9: In my swim class, I tried learning the whip kick. By this I mean there was a whole lot of kicking going on, but I wasn't going much of anywhere. I can almost guarantee people that if they were in a pool with me during one of my lessons, the two phrases they would hear out of my mouth most often would be "I hate this!" and "I can't do this!" Thankfully, I'm not ready to give up. I enjoy it, even when I'm frustrated, can't figure something out, or just don't have the strength and endurance. I do sometimes wonder what people think of me when they see my talking to myself, trying to talk myself through what I'm supposed to do, or should have done before sinking below the surface again. However, I did have a great conversation with the lifeguard afterward, just encouraging each other in our faith, and swimming has been one thing I'm so glad I'm learning.

March 10: Since I would like to learn how to knit and crochet, an article about the history of knitting caught my attention on Knowledge Nuts. It turns out, men used to knit professionally while women weren't allowed. There were guilds that men could get into but it was about as difficult to become a professional knitter as becoming a blacksmith. Only in the Victorian Era did knitting become a hobby dominated by women.

March 11: On Wednesday morning, I was reading in the book of Acts, and in Acts 22, the word "tribune" caught my attention. It occurred to me I didn't know what a tribune was. I held that thought and kept reading, becoming aware of the number of times the words "tribune" or "tribunal" came up. Then I headed to my computer for some research, and I learned more than I initially anticipated.

According to Dictionary.com, one of the definitions of "tribune" is as follows:

" 1. a person who upholds or defends the rights of the people
2. Roman History
a. any of various administrative officers, especially one of 10 officers elected to protect the interests and rights of the plebeians from the patricians
b. any of the six officers of a legion who rotated in commanding the legion during the year."

Between the dictionary and Wikipedia, I learned a number of things. Plebeians were the common body of free Roman citizens, while patricians were the ruling class of ancient Rome. A tribunal was a raised platform where officials would take their seats.

Going back to the text with this knowledge, a lot more made sense now. When the centurion was going to flog Paul in Acts 22:22-30, he called the tribune. It was the tribune's job to intervene on Paul's behalf, a common Roman citizen. This also explains why, when Paul's nephew comes to Paul in the barracks to tell him about the ambush planned against him in Acts 23, Paul asks the centurion to take his nephew to the tribune to speak to him. This tribune was Claudius Lysias. Lysias actually comes on the scene already in Acts 21, but it didn't occur to me then to ask what a tribune was.

There were also military tribunes as mentioned in Acts 25:23. And although I'm not exactly sure what he meant, Paul says he's standing before Caesar's tribunal in Acts 25:10. So I don't know what everything means, but what I learned does give me a better understanding of what's going on in these chapters. I also learned that the barracks referenced in Acts 21-23 when connected to Lysias's cohort, refers to the Tower of Antonia, which was rebuilt by Herod. This tower was located on the northwest side of the temple in Jerusalem.

Isn't it funny how often I can read something over and over again and never really know what it means? Sometimes it's just because I'm too lazy to put the effort into finding out. But I'm glad I'm taking the time this year to put in the effort.

What Did I Do?: Ueberraschung!

Well, I feel like I'm finally getting caught up on things I was behind on and moving ahead. I must say I have been feeling a little computer illiterate trying to adjust to this new piece of technology. As you will no doubt notice, when I'm busy, I'm not very creative with new ideas. It's made even more difficult when I'm left without a computer to research anything on. I also lost part of my idea list, so I have to try to remember some of my ideas.

February 19: I won! 

On Thursday, I won an interesting Facebook challenge posted by my friend Kevin Abell. The prize? This Monroe thermometer. I don't think I've ever won a Facebook conversation before and it's also my first picture with Kevin.

 February 20: According to Knowledge Nuts, people have a false idea of how many rats there are in the world, particularly in big cities. News sources have exaggerated the numbers, saying there are twice as many rats in New York City as there are people, but it's not true. Personally, I think I only ever saw one rat while in NYC, that was running along the subway track. I admit I got pretty excited about it. Maybe it's because of signs like this one that I didn't see more.  Yep, I had to take a picture of one.

February 21: On Saturday, I learned about bed bugs, how to detect them, and identify bed bug bites. I had a bit of a freak out on the weekend, but now I can rest assured I don't have bed bugs.

February 22: On Sunday, I tried eating a kiwi with the skin. I really like kiwi when it's ripe and sweet and I've heard of people eating the whole thing, but the fuzzy skin has never appealed to me. Well, I determined to try it, especially after watching my nephew munch through the skin and explain how healthy it was. I looked at the kiwi before eating it with more contempt than a piece of raw fish. I managed one crunchy sour bite, then sliced it in half and scooped the inside out with a spoon. But now I can say I've tried it. If it had been a little riper, it might have not been so bad.

February 23: I can't wait for the day I can go to the pool in a T-shirt or even a sweater. It's way too cold. But to another swim class I did go, and it was rather grueling. I hadn't been to the pool in two weeks and not having exercised since my last class didn't help. I'm still learning not to drink pool water when I sink. When I came up coughing and sputtering to no end, people stared at me like I almost drowned or something. It reminded me of a similar experience I had a few years ago in the Atlantic Ocean. It was a little traumatic.

I also learned some interesting things about James Dole, "the Pineapple King" who turned the whole Hawaiian island of Lana'i into the world's biggest pineapple plantation. In 1927, he offered a $35,000 cash prize for the winner of an airplane race from California to Hawaii. The conditions were very dangerous. Add that airplanes weren't exactly what they are today and that nobody had ever flown to Hawaii before. Many entered the race but only two actually finished it. Ten people died trying. In the end, the winner shared the prize money with the second contestant to finish, but alas, they weren't the first people to fly to Hawaii. Two army pilots got there before the race started.

So that was tragic and James Dole felt really bad, for good reason. But back in 1913, his company made a machine that peeled 100 pineapples a minute. That's pretty cool. It would take me entirely too long to just peel one. I'm afraid though I might feel a little guilty from now on when I buy Dole pineapples. Not fair.

February 24: You know those annoying parking meters? Well, I found out who came up with that idea. Carl Magee, a U.S. reporter invented the parking meter. He was an interesting man who exposed corruption. However, he also shot and killed a bystander when he got into a fight with a corrupt judge he had just berated in his newspaper. The judge didn't get shot as intended, but someone else did. He was acquitted, however, and when he moved to Oklahoma City, he came up with the idea of the parking meter in 1932, in order to resolve the city's massive parking problem.

February 25: What I'm about to share next should be taken with a grain of salt. I apologize to my readership who won't be able to understand much of what I will share next, and to my Mennonite, Low German speaking readership, I apologize for my horrible spelling. I never did become proficient in reading or writing my mother tongue. Also, I can't use an umlaut, so I have to improvise. And I'm definitely about to become less serious.

I learned a number of new things through an afternoon of browsing a Mennonite cookbook compiled in Mexico. I must say it provided a fair share of amusement to me, a Mennonite born and raised in Canada. Although my roots are in Mexico, I've only been there to visit a handful of times. What made this cookbook particularly interesting was the different German words they use for things. It seems to have a wealth of great recipes if you can figure out how to read and understand them. In all likelihood, this cook book is correct in the German it uses, and the Low German language I'm used to is just so far removed.

Something I have often noticed is that our Low German vocabulary is rather small. We don't seem to have words for a lot of things, or we just take English words and pronounce them to sound German. And there are things that are just different between German and Low German. Well, to understand this cookbook, I think you needed to be proficient in German, Low German, English, Spanish and possess some imagination. It also seemed they have some food products in Mexcio that we don't have in Canada, or perhaps we just couldn't understand them. There were a number of canned milks that showed up in recipes, but we could only figure out evaporated milk for certain.

My favourite word I learned was ueberraschung, which means surprise. This was through a recipe for Schokoladenueberraschung. To learn that ueberraschung meant surprise was a surprise! I didn't know we had a word for surprise! Maybe if someone had thrown me an "ueberraschung geburtstag fest" when I was a kid, I would know this stuff! I also think the word sounds an awful lot like our Low German word for "backwards", but maybe that's just me.

We figured out that plaetzchen are cookies and kuchen is cake. To me, kuchen means cookies and cake is cake. And we figured out that kekse are cupcakes. Karrotten Kuchen is carrot cake, but I say "gelmehren." We eventually determined zimt meant cinnamon, since it was in with recipes for Cinnamon Rolls. At home, that's still just koernel rollen to me. When providing instructions for icing cookies or cakes, it uses the word "streiche", oba ekj do kuchen beschmeiren. Schokoladenschnitzel are chocolate chips. I get the chocolate part, but to me schnitzel is milanesa.


One of the ones that had us stumped for awhile was Schlagsahne, which we finally concluded was whipping cream, or whipped cream. To me, cream is Schmaunt, and if I'm reading a German recipe, it's Rahm. This made me wonder, if whipping cream is Schlagsahne, then what do they call Schmauntfaht? There are a lot more examples, but I simply can't write about them all.

Ah, yes, we Mennonites are a unique people with a unique language, and we could argue with no end about words and pronunciations! With this cookbook, the nice thing is if you need clarification on a recipe, it not only provides the name of the woman who submitted the recipe, but also her Campo number, phone number, and husband's name if applicable.

In the end, what is my conclusion to this matter? Dit es bloss nicht wo wie dat gelieht han!

And for the song I was singing constantly this week.

"If you wanna know how far My love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see how much you mean to Me
Look at My hands, look at My side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean." --"Drops in the Ocean" by Hawk Nelson

What Did I Do?: Raw Sushi!

I'm finally back! I got a new laptop, had a busy weekend, and now I'm hoping to finally be able to reorganize and catch up on things. It was a hard week. If humiliation could kill me on the spot, I would have been done last week. I am thankful for grace, even when I lose sight of it and try to keep my head above the water myself.  A bit more on that later, but first, what did I do?

February 12: On Thursday, my whole morning started bizarre. I stole (I mean, ahem, picked up) a shield from somebody's car that had gotten stuck under my car and was dragging along the road, which made me stop on a busy city road to get out and dislodge it. Yeah, that's a mouthful. I also had a Coffee Culture craving for some time, which I don't indulge easily because it's a little more pricey. But I needed to try something new, so I got a Chocolate Chai Latte and a Spinach & Feta Twister. Two lattes and said pastry cost me a whopping $14. It was good, but certainly overpriced. I came home only to discover my laptop seemed like it had finally died. It lasted five and a half years and had given me fair warning that it was in its last days, so I had most of my important files backed up. Even so, such things are an inconvenience. And I learned, never splurge on unnecessary things because I think I'll be okay financially. Always be prepared for the unexpected.

February 13: Working at an arena, I serve a ton of fries with those little wooden fry forks. One of the condiments we put out is malt vinegar. I don't get what the deal is with malt vinegar, or why people want it on their fries. I couldn't recall ever having put even white vinegar on my fries. So, in a little time to breathe, I threw in some extra fries for me and ate fries topped with malt vinegar and a little fry fork.

Rest assured, I don't serve such epic proportions of food to my customers. I merely wanted a taste, lest I shouldn't like it. But I found it rather enjoyable. Then I took the rest of the fries and turned it into a poutine. I don't easily crave it, but did it ever hit the spot. And then my craving was satisfied for some time.

February 14: On busy days, I take it pretty easy. After having some awesome sweet potato wedges and ribs for dinner, I had a "double date" on Valentine's Day. Translation: I took my nephews to a hockey game and they loved it. I'm not sure I've had sweet potato fries or wedges before, but these were certainly the best ones I've had.

Also, just to fluff my day, I pulled out a dictionary. Yay for printed dictionaries when the computer is down.

curare: a resinous bitter substance prepared from certain S American plants, paralyzing the motor nerves, formerly used to poison arrows by Aboriginals of S America, and as a muscle relaxant in surgery

February 15: Sunday was definitely the highlight of my week! I heard a faculty member from Heritage College & Seminary, had a shift a work, and then had a special sushi outing for dinner. I had a Japanese teacher one year in grade school, and she introduced us to a California roll kind of sushi, so I had had sushi like that before. But one thing on my list this year was to try raw sushi. I had never been so excited to eat raw meat!

Of course, I had to take pictures for my readers. I started off with some sort of crab sushi.

This is a spicy salmon roll.

This, I believe, was the spicy dragon roll. This was one of my favourites. The orange sprinkles are fish eggs. They added some texture. So now I've had raw fish AND fish eggs.

A yummy fried tempura shrimp. It was so good I just kept eating. Then I noticed something crunchy.... Don't eat the tail!

I had some of whatever this is too.

This here was as hardcore as I was able to go: a slice of raw salmon on top of rice. I had two little bites of one piece and I was done. I determined I am not ready to brave sushimi, which is just a piece of raw fish.

I even braved a teensy tiny bit of green wasabi.

Fiddled with chopsticks and dropped one of the floor. Had a mango salad, which was good aside from the fact that the mangos were green.

I tried green tea ice cream for dessert and finished with a cream puff and some cheesecake. All that was missing was the coffee.

February 16: pareve: "(of food) being or containing neither meat nor dairy and so kosher for use with either, according to the dietary laws (includes fruit, vegetables, fish, etc.)"

Pareve is an adjective pertaining to Judaism, but does anyone else find that definition confusing?

February 17: I made Garlic Bubble Loaves on Tuesday to go with a pasta casserole for lunch. It was one of the funnest breads I have made. You shape the dough into little balls, and then roll them in melted butter mixed with garlic powder and parsley flakes, then place them in loaf pans. It was super fluffy.

Carbs are supposed to make up the largest part of my diet, right?

February 18: And finally, I was reading Anne of Green Gables on Wednesday, where Anne talks about a piece of poetry that she likes, or rather two lines in particular.

"Quick as the slaughtered squadrons fell
In Midian's evil day."

Anne doesn't know what 'squadrons' means, and it occurred to me that I didn't either, although I had a slight idea. So I looked it up.

"squadron n
1. a principal division of an armoured or cavalry regiment consisting of two or more troops.
2. the basic administrative unit of an air force, usu. consisting of two or more flights.
3. a formal unit in a navy consisting of a number of ships.
4. often jocular an organized body of people or things."


Now, back to one of my thoughts from the beginning. In the midst of a slightly crazy week, this song was on my mind a lot last week. I go to music a lot when I'm down. This is probably my favourite song so far from For King & Country.

"My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders" --"Shoulders" by For King & Country

What Did I Do?: Granny Dresses, Empty Whipped Cream Cans, and Dutch Candy

Week 3 is over! Sigh of relief.  It's bad I feel that way already some days. Although I feel stuck some days, I did have a lot of fun this past week. I have a big list of great ideas, but I can't do them all at once. That would drain my idea bank too fast, and I'd be more broke. Besides, I have to wait for summer to do some of them.

January 15: I tried making dairy-free hot cocoa. Because I'm somewhat lactose-intolerant, I often take lactase tablets if I drink regular hot chocolate, unless it's diluted with coffee. Even if it's mixed with just water, the mix has milk ingredients in it. So I tried making stovetop cocoa using almond milk. I have made chocolate milk with it before, which was pretty good, but hadn't tried cooking it.

It had a quite a distinct almond taste to it, so if you don't mind that it's a good alternative. I curled up with a blanket, my mug of cocoa, and watched an adaptation of Great Expectations.

I also tried pomegranate juice. I've had a pomegranate before, but I find they're a lot of work to eat, and I don't like the bitter white seeds. But drinking the juice straight is also really strong. You would think it's a very healthy juice, but I was disappointed that it didn't even contain any Vitamin C.

January 16: On Friday I went on a shopping escapade. I had a couple potential ideas swirling in my mind, but I definitely settled on one when I looked at the dress section in the first thrift store I walked into. One of the items on my list was to try on granny dresses in a thrift store, and this place had some great finds! Sadly they were all a little too big, and the three other dresses I tried on that I would have bought all didn't fit quite right.

I wish I had had a hat and pair of binoculars. Safari!

This one is rather nightgown-ish.

This one might have looked alright if it wasn't so big.

And I'm sure this one was real classy in its day. 

I didn't buy any dresses, but I walked out with two pairs of jeans for $4.50!  I also took the opportunity to stop in and see The Grace Cafe.  As I was leaving town, I tried to ignore a man standing at an intersection with a sign. But I couldn't. I turned around and went back.

January 17: I had too much fun! I tried to deepen my voice by sucking the gas out of an empty whipped cream can. I think the idea is that it has the opposite effect of helium. I got it for a couple seconds, but it doesn't last long.

This is an afternote. I actually don't recommend anyone trying this. I did later on, but experienced dizziness and a headache. This can't be wise.

January 18: Remember those dutch candies I mentioned last week? Well, I tried one.

And this is what they do to you afterward.

Naw, that's actually just me being crazy and wanting a cross-eyed picture of myself.

I also started reading God's Gift to Women by Eric Ludy. Although written for men, I realized quickly my need for this book right now. Although I have been happier and freer in the last month and a half than I have been in a long time, my relationship with God has suffered, as I have filled my life with distractions and noise. As a Ludy book always does, this book points back to my relationship with Christ, and I've been realizing how much I need to refocus my life.

January 19: I made some improvements in my swim class. I got to use them giant flipper things to swim. I worked on my side swim, and then my back. I was pretty proud of myself when I figured out I could make it across the width of the pool on my back with flippers.  I had this moment where I was suddenly like "I feel like an otter!" I was even prouder of myself when I made it over half the width of the pool without the flippers. It felt great.

January 20: We recently got a new coffee/drink machine at work, which makes Coffee Crisp Cappuccino.  I tried one and it was like awesomeness in a cup! I just can't have sweet drinks like this often. I also went to a store for a glucosamine supplement, and was also introduced to collagen. I asked "What's collagen?" It's like the glue that holds us together.  We lose it as we get older and that's why we get wrinkles. That's about as much as I learned about it then.

January 21: I tried curling my hair with my straightening iron. TRIED being the key word. Because I have natural curls that frizz like crazy, I had to straighten it first. Then I tried curling it. I had next to no clue what I was doing, so I found a Youtube tutorial. I watched it, tried, watched it again, tried. I succeeded in getting a couple decent looking curls, but couldn't get the hang of the technique and there was no way I was going to spend my whole morning trying to do all my hair. Just not worth it. I lose a lot of hair when I straighten it, and I wanted to have a presentable amount left when I was done. And I knew the longer I tried, chances were I'd be accumulating burns on my fingers, ears, forehead, etc. I don't look like a diva, and people who know me know I'm next to clueless when it comes to fashion, hair, and makeup, but especially makeup. That's one of the reasons I don't wear it. But I also just don't have patience for spending a lot of time beautifying myself. So the morning did not result in a new awesome hairstyle. I'll stick to taming my natural curl with cremes and mousse. That's a lot easier.

Now I need to figure out what I all want to do in the next week. Hmm. 

Jesus Loves Me

I just had a horrible week.  I was miserable, and then I finally snapped.  I'm not going into the details here.  Quite frankly, I'm not comfortable with being that transparent right now.  But by the end of the week, I had done everything from beat myself up, battled fears, hated myself, and been extremely angry and screaming inside.  And I just had to cry to let some of it out.  Yep, when I become miserable, it's bad.  And usually when I'm miserable, I don't write publicly, but today I am.  I'm rarely daring enough to be this real, or I think my life is too messed up to share anything.

I can point to the source of a lot of my misery.  Giving into temptations, the school course that is filled with so much I would normally never consume that changes the way I think and feel (that makes me curse inside, even if I wouldn't say it out loud), the pressure of trying to make my plans happen, the frustrations of trying to manage my small income when I have huge expenses, and wondering if I can make it all work out.  Trying so hard to remain in control of my life, and realizing I just can't do it.

There is one thing that keeps me going, aside from a handful of people praying for me, is carrying me through this.  Just one simple truth.  Jesus loves me.  No matter what happens, what I go through, and what I face, Jesus loves me.  On the days I know I deserve anything but His love, Jesus loves me.  His love is deep, strong, and unchanging.  It remains firm.  His love and faithfulness is all I can bank on when it feels like everything is falling apart.

I don't know what this coming week holds, the rest of this year, or next year.  But I know what I'm holding on to.  Jesus loves me.  It's all I got.

Confessions of an Aspiring Hermit

Last month, I came home from serving in NY, and as great as it always is, I must confess something unusual happens to me when I come home.  I crash and become depressed.  There, I said it.

I haven't been able to completely understands why this happens to me.  It seems to vary depending on the circumstances that are present in my life at the time.  But when I come home from serving, I have often become depressed, self-absorbed, crabby, and no good to be around.  I have spent weeks giving of myself, from the time I get up, to the time I go to bed, and now suddenly, I don't want to.  I don't want to give of myself anymore.  I don't want to sacrifice for other people.  I want to be left alone, to myself, and do my own thing.

Again, it seems to vary based on circumstances.  I come home to no job, therefore I find I have little motivation to get up in the morning.  Without what I perceive to be a meaningful way to give of myself, I become very unmotivated and selfish.  Yes, there's my family, but sadly I have discovered that it's often a lot easier to give selflessly somewhere else than it is at home.  No, it shouldn't be this way, but that's often how I become.

So in my depressed, unmotivated state, I come up with a grand, noble idea.  I'll become a hermit!

 

Noooo! I don't want to be a crab!

Wait a minute.  Did I say before I was crabby?  Uh, yeah, about that..... 

A hermit.  I want to be a hermit.  Since I don't want to go anywhere or do anything or see or talk to anyone, I'll just stay at home.  I'll take the opportunity to read, and study, and spend time with Jesus, and it's gonna be wonderful!  If I don't go anywhere and don't talk to anyone, I won't hurt anybody and nobody will hurt me.  I will keep to myself, learn and blossom in knowledge and in my relationship with the Lord in the parameters of my two rooms.  Oh, just the thought is almost bliss!  What could possibly be wrong with this?

Here's my confession though.  I have never been a happy hermit.  At least not for very long.  Every time I set out to be a hermit, the excitement is short-lived.  But instead of simply becoming sociable again, a raging war ensues.  You see, when I make up my mind to become a hermit, it's hard to persuade myself to get out of my shell, even after I know I won't be happy in it.  I mean, it can be hard to get out.  My mind can conjure up so many great excuses, that I can make sound very legitimate, why it's best to stay home.  Alone.  I become almost like Gollum and Smeagol, arguing with myself.  I can spit out lists of things I could do, time, finances, health, or other clever things depending on the situation.  But deep down I know.  This isn't for my long-term good.

"No man is an island."  Ah yes, one of the famous quotes we learn in school.  It's true.  As much as I would like to convince myself I could live a happy life as a hermit, I need people.  There is a risk in opening ourselves up to people, true.  But it is needful.  We need community.  Bad things often happen to people who shut others out.

As the body of Christ, we need each other, the church.  We need people to come alongside us and lift us up when we're weary.  And instead of just focusing on ourselves, we also need to be there for others when they are down and weary.  We are meant to bear each others' burdens and encourage each other in our race on earth.  When I get into my depressed, hermit-like mood, I have to remind myself of Proverbs 18:1.  "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment."  Isolating ones self from other people is not wise. 

Tenth Avenue North recently released a song that speaks on this matter.

So take their words to heart.  We're not meant to live this life alone.

To Carry Your Compassion

I come back once again briefly to explain my future absence.  As God has called me to various things this spring and summer, writing will be low on my priority list.  I will be traveling to Haiti for a week this month on a mission trip, and then in June I will be returning to Staten Island to serve as a long-term volunteer with MDS.  The next few months will be a time of learning and growing in new ways.  No doubt, there will be lots to be shared, I just don't know when time will allow me to do that.

As I go through different seasons of life, there is usually a song that describes my vision or what it is I'm going through.  One that is fitting to this season of life is "The Power of Your Name" by Lincoln Brewster.  I appreciate the lyrics of this chorus and it's my desire that my life would be a demonstration of that as well.

"And I will live to carry your compassion

To love a world that's broken

To be Your hands and feet

And I will give with the life that I've been given

And go beyond religion

To see the world be changed

By the power of Your Name!"

Praying for Your Man

The girls in my youth group are going through a book study again, and one of the first things we were reminded of is the importance of praying for our future husbands.  Now, this was no new concept to me.  I've been doing it for years.  But it's something some girls do struggle with, or don't think of doing, so I will write about my experience.  (And yes, I am still single.  I have not seen my prayers fulfilled, but I know God is in the process of answering.)

For some, praying for a person you don't know is kind of weird.  Yeah.  That was probably the biggest struggle I faced when I started.  How do I pray for someone if I don't even know who he is, or don't know what's going on in his life?  The wonderful thing is, you may not know who you will marry, or what's going on in that man's life, but God does, and He cares about this area of your life.

You may not know the specifics of what is going on his life, but you can still pray.  You can start by praying that He would follow after God whole-heartedly. You can pray that he would be a man of the Word and a man of prayer.  What kind of character qualities do you want to see in him?  Pray that He will grow in those areas.  Do you want him to be part of a ministry or serving in an area of the church?  Pray for that. Pray that he would walk in purity, that he would flee from temptation and youthful lusts, that he would keep his heart, mind and body for you.  Pray that he would cut off sin from in his life and walk in holiness. Pray that God would use him in his single years for His service and glory.

Pray that God would direct his heart to you and have wisdom as to when and how to initiate and lead your relationship.  Pray that God would prepare him to be the spiritual leader and provider for your home, that he would have wisdom in raising your children when God so blesses you.  It's probably also wise to pray that your parents and other counselors in your life would have the wisdom to help you discern God's best for you, and allow yourself to be open to their counsel.  

Now, remember, this isn't all about who you want your husband to be.  Chances are you have lofty dreams of this man and, if you're smart, you're praying about some great and amazing things for him.  I know I do.  But if you want to marry Mr. Awesome, you have to be a woman suitable for him.  So instead of just praying for him, pray that God will prepare you to be the woman, the help meet that he needs.  Keep yourself pure, and conduct yourself in a way that would be pleasing to your husband if he was watching you.  Honour him, even now, with your life.  And keep yourself busy and productive, serving the Lord and others while you wait for God to bring you together.

I have prayed about all these aspects at some time or other, and most on a very regular basis.  I admit though that there are still times when I definitely feel stuck.  What do I pray for?  How do I pray about this man?  Sometimes I feel like I say the same thing over and over.  One of the things I have done at times is ask God how He wants me to pray for my future husband.  I ask God to lead me as I pray.  Something changes in the way I prayed when I do that.  At times, I don't understand why I am asking God for the things I am, but I trust it's His leading.  One day, the purpose of it all will be revealed to me.

It could also be that as you pray for your future husband, or ask God to lead you, that you will start praying in a way you don't necessarily understand.  You may start praying for qualities you otherwise didn't consider.  It may be that God will guide you to pray about someone specifically.  I don't know how God moves in everyone's prayer times.  I don't know what He will do when you seek His direction in this area.  But I encourage you to pray boldly, persistently, and daily about this area of your life.  When you marry the man you're praying for, you will enter into a covenant that is a representation of Christ's relationship with His church.  That's not something to take lightly, and thus, it's something to pray about diligently.

Some who will read this post will certainly be familiar with the song "Faithfully" by Eric and Leslie Ludy.  The idea of waiting faithfully is not a very popular one in our world.  Many may not understand why you're giving up pleasure now for something they don't believe exists, or why you're praying for someone if you don't even know who he is.  Listen to this song.  It may give you an ache in your heart, but I also hope that you will take the words to heart and commit to faithfully waiting and praying for your man.

Is Following Jesus Worth It?

I saw this justice video by Micah Bournes a few weeks ago.  Like most videos by this word artist, I really liked it.  Near the end, I thought you could almost replace the word "justice" with "following Jesus" in this video.  There are many striking similarities between pursuing justice and following Jesus, and how it is perceived by the world around us. (Please watch the short video before reading further.)

Following Jesus does seem to be a very futile pursuit for many people.  It doesn't promise success and prosperity, although some try to make it sound that way.  You probably won't see a grand increase in the world's goods if you follow Jesus' command to deny yourself daily, take up your cross and follow Him.  It likely won't be very profitable if you try to measure it in those terms.

The thing about following Jesus is, we'll never reach a point in this life where we'll be able to say "I've made it.  I'm done working for God, and now I can sit back and relax until Jesus comes."  No.  We work until He comes or your physical bodies die.  Only then have we finished the race.  We can give up along the way if we want to.  But if we understand the price Jesus paid, and the reward that follows, we won't. 

Most people in this world don't perceive following Jesus as worth it.  Many Christians at some point wonder if it's worth it.  I know I have.  (I also think our churches are full of people who are tired of the idea of following Jesus, because they're not actually doing it the way they should.)  But as in pursuing justice, I don't think the question "Is it even worth it?", comes very often from those who have laboured for years for Jesus Christ, who have given their lives to the ministry, to preaching the Gospel.  I don't think it comes often from those who have spent years in the mission field, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, healing the sick, caring for orphans and widows, freeing the captives and being the hands and feet of Jesus to the least of these. 

Oh, I'm sure they get tired.  I'm sure there are days some have no strength of their own and only God's strength sustains them.  But as tired as I'm sure they often get, I don't think they often wonder if it's worth it.  They know it is worth it.  They know because they have communed with Jesus.  They have spent time in His presence and they have grown to have a heart for the things He has a heart for, for the people He has a heart for.  They have developed a Christ-like love that empties and pours out self for the good of someone else.  They have given their lives for the broken-hearted, for the wounded.  They have toiled to see souls come into the kingdom and set free from the power of sin.  Like Jesus, they have come to see that their lives are worth the sacrifice.  And for those who follow Jesus like that, I think it would be offensive for them to be asked if it was worth it.

Where's your relationship with Jesus?  Are you busy following Him, or have you grown tired of the idea?  For myself, I admit I have at times probably grown tired of the idea.  But I don't want it to stay that way.  I want to come to the place where I commune and identify with Christ, where I have a heart for the people and things He has a heart for, so much so that it becomes offensive to me to be asked or to wonder if following Him is worth it.  I want to be able to cry out myself "What do you mean, is it worth it? Of course it's worth it!"  How do I know?  Because I was worth dying for to Him.

Reflecting Him Part 2

This post is a continuation of Reflecting Him Part 1.  Just so you know, my weeks aren't always that hard, and I did highlight the hard parts.  I did get some feedback that indicated surprise.

What I began learning at the end of that hard week, and am still in the process of learning is to intercede for people even in the midst of my trials.  To intercede means to plead on another's behalf or to act as a mediator in a dispute.  The word is often used a term for praying for other people.  And although I'm learning the importance of that, I'm also learning to go beyond praying for them.  I'm learning the importance of reaching out to them personally.

You see, I'm not the only one with problems.  I'm not the only who is going through or has gone through pain.  I'm not the only one who hurts, who gets depressed, who faces family challenges, work challenges, who lacks clarity, who struggles spiritually, who gets sick, etc.  I am surrounded by hurting, broken people who can't walk their road alone.  I'm surrounded by people who need a friend to come alongside, to listen, to share their pain.  Even if I don't always know how to help them, sometimes they just need to know somebody else cares, that they're not forgotten.

Think about this.  It is possible that for some reason, you are the only one who sees another's pain.  Perhaps other people notice, but choose to ignore it.  Or perhaps you're the only one a person has had the confidence and trust to share their struggles with.  Perhaps you've just experienced something that allows you to understand what that person is going through.  Don't assume someone else will talk to a hurting person.  This really hit me personally last week when somebody said "You're the only person who asks me."

Sometimes it's hard to make the effort.  It's hard to reach out to others and to listen when I'm bogged down in my own problems.  I'm working through a massive load in my life right now, but there are a few individuals and families that I have had to be intentional about staying connected with.  I've had to be intentional about showing them that I care about them too, and that I'm not just dumping my problems on them, which I can do very easily.

There are days where I feel like I have a right to my "down time".  Some people like to just "veg" and recharge.  Jesus needed down time too.  He needed time away from His work and peoples' demands, but most often, He wasn't just sitting by Himself in a mountain somewhere.  He was spending time with the Father and recharging by His strength.  No, I don't know what He always prayed about, but I think He probably spent a good deal of time interceding for others.  And after that, He went and served them again.

We all get worn out.  We all have hard days and seasons where we just don't know how to keep going.  Tenth Avenue North has a song called "Worn" which has really come to mean a lot to me personally the last couple months.  It echoes how I have felt many days, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I encourage you to listen to it, and gather strength, knowing there's hope and this is not the end.  Then look around for someone who needs your prayers and encouragement.

King's Letter from Birmingham

Today, Americans remember the life of Martin Luther King, Jr.  And although I'm not an American, so do I.  A few weeks back, a young woman posted King's letter from a Birmingham jail on her facebook page, quoting from the letter "But more basically, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here."  This was posted days after making the move to a different city to give herself fully to pro-life work.  I have taken the time to read the letter and it left me crying.  I would like to further share my thoughts here.  You can read the letter or watch this video that shares the letter.  It is lengthier, but well worth it.

This letter was written from a jail in Birmingham after King had been arrested for parading without a permit.  It was in response to criticism from clergymen about his non-violent activities to protest against segregation.  It's one of the few times he responded to the criticism he often received.  He begins by explaining why he is in Birmingham, since he was previously in Atlanta.  He was invited, but more than that, Birmingham was a place of grave injustice.  So he went where he was wanted and needed.  He went to where the injustice was, instead of staying in Atlanta.  Not once did he say that the injustice in Birmingham wasn't his problem.  He recognized that injustice in one city directly or indirectly affected the entire nation and he didn't shrink back.

In order to fight injustice in Birmingham, King and those who worked alongside him had "to undertake a process of self purification."  They had to prepare themselves, ask themselves hard questions, and evaluate whether or not they were willing to bear the cost of their actions.  For King, it ended up meaning going to jail.  He was willing to disobey unjust laws and accept the consequences "to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice...." 

In his letter, King addresses some of his disappointments. One of his disappointments was the white moderate.  These are the white people who would rather sit on the fence about segregation and desired to keep the peace instead of speak out against injustice.  They were the people who thought they needed to give it more time.  Time, however, as King made clear, would not change anything. 

Another one of King's disappointments, the one that really caught my attention, was his disappointment with the church.  "I have been so greatly disappointed with the white church and its leadership."  He goes on to acknowledge some exceptions.  "But despite these notable exceptions, I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church."  This man was not speaking out of criticism, but out of love.  He was a minister of the gospel and dearly loved the church.  Here was a man who had been expecting support from the church, and was finding that people in the church were some of his greatest opponents.  For them, the issues of injustice had nothing to do with the Gospel.

This really made me think.  How many people within our nation or around the world would say this about the North American church?  We are not living up to our calling!  But King doesn't stop there.  He goes on to explain how the early church was different.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful--in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed.  In those day the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society.  Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators."  But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey God rather than man.  Small in number, they were big in commitment.  They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated."  By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contests.  Things are different now.  So often, the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound.  So often it is an archdefender of the status quo.  Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent--and often even vocal--sanction of things as they are."

Here I broke down crying.  I cried over how far the church has fallen.

". . . If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century.  Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust."

What I'm about to say in the next couple paragraphs I say to myself as much as to my readers.

These words were written 50 years ago, and what has changed?  It sounds hardly any different from the church in North America today.  This ought to break our hearts.  This ought to disturb us, deeply.  Instead of the church shaking up the world, the world is shaking up the church.  And we are silent.  We are silent as our government allows the killing of millions of children.  We are silent as children are sold for sex.  We are silent as same-sex marriage is legalized.  Many who bear the name of Christian are active participants in the injustice and immorality.  Sure we may speak about these things amongst ourselves, but do our politicians ever hear about it?  Are we having any affect on public opinion?  Or are people just looking at our churches in disgust, as social clubs with no meaning?

It's time to speak up.  It's time to shake our nation.  It's time to stand for truth and for justice until we start receiving some opposition, which may perhaps come from other believers.  It's time for the church to hear again "These people have turned the world upside down!"  We need to return to the power of the early church.  Yes, there will be a cost.  Jesus told us so much.  Have we experienced the extent of the cost He described?

I was told recently that it only takes 3 percent of a population to shift culture.  If that be true, why aren't we doing it?

Where are you at?  In what ways to you need to disturb the peace around you?  Where do you need to stand for truth? 

Find the answers to those questions and go turn the world upside down!

Overcoming Sin: The Surrender

As I mentioned in yesterday's update, I've spent some time in recent days just focusing on God and receiving counsel from other people.  During this time, I have experienced God's nearness and a breakthrough in my life.  In part, it came through a story Kevin Abell shared in Alien Love about a young woman struggling with an eating disorder.  When she asked Kevin if what she was doing to her body was a sin, he responded yes, it was a sin.  When I first read her response to that, I cried.  She said, "That's good.  It's good because I know that Jesus has power over sin.  I know that even if I struggle now, I won't have to go through this forever."

Those words have become more real to me as of late, a precious truth.  The truth is Jesus have power over sin!  It doesn't have power over us.  We are dead to sin and Satan is a defeated enemy.  I've spent a lot of time praying for God's help to overcome sin.  And prayed again. And again.  And it seemed like it would never end and I became very discouraged.  It's in times like these when we have to stop praying for God to help us and thank Jesus for the power He has over sin in our lives.  I thought I was doing that, but it wasn't until I surrendered and claimed the power of Christ that I began to experience the joy and peace of freedom.

I came across Louie Giglio's Passion excerpt on rededication.  I used to do the whole rededication thing too.  After awhile the question "When were you saved?" or being asked to share your testimony almost becomes awkward.  (Which date do you give???)  But I try to overcome sin much the same way.  I've thrown that stick in the fire so many times, saying "That's the LAST time I'm ever doing that." I probably could have cut down a whole tree.  It's like Louie says.  "At the end of the day, it takes the wind out of your sails and it takes the hope out of Christianity." 

But there is hope!  There's hope because we can't do it, but we have an amazing Jesus who can, and it's His work in us that cleanses us from sin!

Hebrews 12:1,2
"let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith."

Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

He's the one who does the work in us.  We can't.  We have to take our focus off of our sin and look to Jesus, because He is the perfecter of our faith.  He will see that it's completed. We have to stop trying and surrender to Him.  That's where freedom is found.  That's when He restores to us the joy of our salvation and experience the peace only He can give.

You Can't Quit!

I'm stopping in to say good-bye to my readers for a short time.  I'll be traveling to Europe in a few days, so my blog may suffer neglect for a couple weeks again.  But first I'll let you know what's been going on in my life recently.

I'm doing hard things.  It seems almost like I haven't been a rebelutionary until this year, now that I'm no longer a teen.  The last few weeks have stretched me to what I think is the max, and the road won't be getting easier any time soon.  I'm going through a big life change at the time, and there have been a number of other things also coming up to make it more difficult.

But even in this time, I have been learning.  Here's a brief list of some of the things that learned in the last few weeks.  As the Lord gives me grace to keep moving forward, perhaps I may expound on them in the future.

• Winners don't quit.  Quitters don't win.
• Sometimes the most effective sermon/motivational talk in your life is the one God gives you and you preach to yourself.
• Giving up may seem easier now, but it will only lower your confidence and make it harder next time.
• God's promises don't expire.
• In order to encourage/inspire others, you must be an overcomer and face the challenges in your life.  You must be willing to fight.
• God's grace is sufficient for each day.  In hard times, He gives just enough strength for the next small step.

This road ahead of me right now is not easy and to be honest, I'm afraid.  But at the moment, my only reasonable option seems to be to trust God and persevere.  Even in difficulty, I can say He has been faithful thus far and He promises to lead me the rest of the way.

The first words of the following song describe how I feel at this point.  But I know I'm not alone.  My desire for this time is that it would bring me closer to God, that I would run to and hide in Him, and encourage others to strive after greater things.