Praying for Your Man

The girls in my youth group are going through a book study again, and one of the first things we were reminded of is the importance of praying for our future husbands.  Now, this was no new concept to me.  I've been doing it for years.  But it's something some girls do struggle with, or don't think of doing, so I will write about my experience.  (And yes, I am still single.  I have not seen my prayers fulfilled, but I know God is in the process of answering.)

For some, praying for a person you don't know is kind of weird.  Yeah.  That was probably the biggest struggle I faced when I started.  How do I pray for someone if I don't even know who he is, or don't know what's going on in his life?  The wonderful thing is, you may not know who you will marry, or what's going on in that man's life, but God does, and He cares about this area of your life.

You may not know the specifics of what is going on his life, but you can still pray.  You can start by praying that He would follow after God whole-heartedly. You can pray that he would be a man of the Word and a man of prayer.  What kind of character qualities do you want to see in him?  Pray that He will grow in those areas.  Do you want him to be part of a ministry or serving in an area of the church?  Pray for that. Pray that he would walk in purity, that he would flee from temptation and youthful lusts, that he would keep his heart, mind and body for you.  Pray that he would cut off sin from in his life and walk in holiness. Pray that God would use him in his single years for His service and glory.

Pray that God would direct his heart to you and have wisdom as to when and how to initiate and lead your relationship.  Pray that God would prepare him to be the spiritual leader and provider for your home, that he would have wisdom in raising your children when God so blesses you.  It's probably also wise to pray that your parents and other counselors in your life would have the wisdom to help you discern God's best for you, and allow yourself to be open to their counsel.  

Now, remember, this isn't all about who you want your husband to be.  Chances are you have lofty dreams of this man and, if you're smart, you're praying about some great and amazing things for him.  I know I do.  But if you want to marry Mr. Awesome, you have to be a woman suitable for him.  So instead of just praying for him, pray that God will prepare you to be the woman, the help meet that he needs.  Keep yourself pure, and conduct yourself in a way that would be pleasing to your husband if he was watching you.  Honour him, even now, with your life.  And keep yourself busy and productive, serving the Lord and others while you wait for God to bring you together.

I have prayed about all these aspects at some time or other, and most on a very regular basis.  I admit though that there are still times when I definitely feel stuck.  What do I pray for?  How do I pray about this man?  Sometimes I feel like I say the same thing over and over.  One of the things I have done at times is ask God how He wants me to pray for my future husband.  I ask God to lead me as I pray.  Something changes in the way I prayed when I do that.  At times, I don't understand why I am asking God for the things I am, but I trust it's His leading.  One day, the purpose of it all will be revealed to me.

It could also be that as you pray for your future husband, or ask God to lead you, that you will start praying in a way you don't necessarily understand.  You may start praying for qualities you otherwise didn't consider.  It may be that God will guide you to pray about someone specifically.  I don't know how God moves in everyone's prayer times.  I don't know what He will do when you seek His direction in this area.  But I encourage you to pray boldly, persistently, and daily about this area of your life.  When you marry the man you're praying for, you will enter into a covenant that is a representation of Christ's relationship with His church.  That's not something to take lightly, and thus, it's something to pray about diligently.

Some who will read this post will certainly be familiar with the song "Faithfully" by Eric and Leslie Ludy.  The idea of waiting faithfully is not a very popular one in our world.  Many may not understand why you're giving up pleasure now for something they don't believe exists, or why you're praying for someone if you don't even know who he is.  Listen to this song.  It may give you an ache in your heart, but I also hope that you will take the words to heart and commit to faithfully waiting and praying for your man.

Responsible Single: Get a Mentor

This is a post I have the pleasure of writing because of the special people God has placed in my life.  I have enjoyed having mentor figures in my life in the last few years that have helped shape me into who I am today.  Some have only been there for a short time.  With others my relationship continues to grow. 

If you're older and no longer single, I want you to listen to what I have to say.  We need you.  I'm often very saddened to see the lack of youth-mentor relationships in the church.  Sometimes the potential mentors in the church are busy with careers, family, young children, or their own life issues and just don't have time to give to spend walking a young person through the issues they face.  It's also not always easy opening up about where you're at and sometimes it's hard to find someone whom you trust enough to be vulnerable with.  Some people are very close to their parents and can share anything with them, but I don't have that close relationship and I have to look to others to take this role in my life.

The mentors in my life would likely not call themselves that.  They're more like friends that are about twice my age.  We don't get together once a week for one on one talks, but they do have me in their home and we share what is going on in our lives or we interact online.  The best mentors in my life right now is a couple from another church.  It's an interesting story how they came to be a part of my life a couple years ago,  through the man writing a book and wanting to sell it in the store I worked in.

The beauty of having this couple in my life is that I know I can trust them, share my struggles with them, receive guidance when making decisions, and when necessary, loving correction. I can trust I will be told what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.  They love me, walk with me and pray for me.  They set an example for me of a beautiful marriage and a godly home.  I feel like they have also allowed me to give back to them and I hope they see it that way too.  One of the reasons it has been such a blessing is that I not only have a woman to share things with, but I can get advice from a man's perspective. Of course discretion is necessary and certainly not everything that goes on in my life is appropriate to share with men, but his guidance has often been very helpful.

A lot of young people rely too heavily on the support of their peers when they're going through difficulties or need advice.  Friends are good and they may make you feel better, but since they're often going through the same things you are and don't have as much life experience, they may not be able to give you what you need to overcome what you're going through.  They may sympathize but not have the courage to correct you or walk with you. 

Sometimes you may have to initiate this mentor relationship.  It is much easier though when a couple shows interest in speaking into your life and walking with you first.  It's easier when you know they care because they do, not because you're asking them to.  I really appreciate it when someone invites me to have coffee with them, and I don't have to feel like I have to twist their arm for their time.

Whatever your situation is, find someone.  Find someone you can trust.  Find someone who won't tolerate sin in your life, someone you can invite to point out your blind spots, but can also trust to do so lovingly and walk with you. The Bible has a lot to say about seeking the counsel and wisdom of those older than you. Allow them to speak into your life and look for ways you can give back to them.  You will be blessed and I also believe that when life gets hard, you will continue to walk in truth.

Next Post: Keep Learning

Young Man on Sexual Healing

This young man puts a very important issue into a poem, sharing God's Truth and forgiveness.  He examines the problem of sexual sin, the hurt countless young women face, and the forgiveness Christ offers And no, it's not just for the guys; girls can learn from this as well.  There are many good reasons to wait for God's timing.

Jane Eyre: Is Love Blind?

Love is blind. It' a common phrase. Is it true?

I did a little research on the phrase and found that it was first coined by Shakespeare. He used it in a few of his plays. The idea is that when a person falls in love, they become blind to the other person's faults. Emotions take over and they fail to see clearly. A research study has actually proven this to be true. The activity in areas of the brain that control critical thought are actually suppressed by love.

Some people think that before you get married, you should keep both eyes wide open and when you marry, keep one eye shut. That might not be such a bad idea.

This is one of the latest issues I've been thinking about in my study of Jane Eyre. When Jane first comes to Thornfield, she definitely takes notice of Rochester's faults, which in my opinion are many. He's honest with her that he has a past he regrets, although he normally doesn't explain them. And on top of that, Jane doesn't find him particularly attractive.

However, as the story progresses, her interest in the man, 20 years older than herself, grows. Interest turns to affection, and affection turns to love. By this time, she completely overlooks any of the faults she previously saw in him. Criticism has fled and love wins. Even when faced with the competition of another woman, Jane doesn't let it faze her. She's more in love with the man than ever. She's consumed by this and quickly begins to idolize the man.

The problem with Rochester is that he's a mysterious man and has a tendency to be deceptive. The reader can see the problem easily, but Jane is blinded to it. She disregards any questionable actions, motives or intentions. When Rochester proposes, she questions how long his love for her will last. He makes it clear that once they're married, she will be all his, attached to him like his watch and chain. He's going to control her. His flowery words and affection often quickly turn to rudeness. This still doesn't bother Jane. She seems to prefer insults to affection. It's almost as if she doesn't want to be or doesn't think she deserves to be properly loved.

Will her eyes be opened before she gets burned? You'll have to read the book for yourself to find out.

So I Read a Guys Book

So I read a guys book last week. As in a book written for guys. *Gasp* I know it's shocking. Actually, I take great delight in shocking people. But that's not why I did it. You see, I've considered reading several different "guys books" before, but the problem was, well, they were for guys. Was it okay for a girl to read guys books? What would people say? Better not. Until a pastor recommended reading Hero: Becoming the Man She Desires by Fred and Jasen Stoeker. I felt that was a sufficient go-ahead.

I actually found justification for this the other day too, when I found a post on Fred Stoeker's blog, written by a girl who had read it, and said it was a good book for girls to read too. If you don't believe me, read the article for yourself. I was pretty excited when I read that.

Since I haven't said it yet, here goes. Hero is an awesome book that I would recommend all young people to read. It teaches men to be protectors of purity and leave every girl better off for having known her. It addresses the lies among guys today about dating, sex, and marriage. It encourages guys to stand up and be men! At the same time, I was reading Answering the Guy Questions by Leslie Ludy (also awesome by the way), so it was a nice balance.

Whereas in Every Young Man's Battle, readers can learn about co-author Fred Stoeker's story, Hero tells Jasen's story. Jasen is a man who's family tree was filled with sexual sin and Fred feared for his son. However, Jasen made the decision early on to honour God and live a life of purity. At the young age of eleven, he was first invited by some boys at school to view a pornographic magazine. And he walked away. Soon, he began asking teachers to be excused from PG13 rated movies to avoid seeing any sexual content they contained. He endured the mockery of his peers for years as he skipped out on dozens of movies and did what he knew was right. And all of these decisions he made on his own, without his father having anything to do with it. The book goes on to tell of his relationship with his wife, leadership he took in their relationship and how he strove to protect their purity above all. On their wedding day, when they shared their first kiss, the audience went absolutely crazy! It was incredible.

Hero exposes the amount of sexual sin and compromise present in the church today, and sadly, how widely accepted it has become. It tells about the problems of pornography and masturbation in today's Christian colleges. One of the saddest things about the book was when the facebook profiles of three pastoral students were examined. Things like God and following Jesus were stated among their interests, which appears to be in order for men pursuing a career in the ministry. What was disturbing were their lists of favourite movies, including many rated R for sexuality. The author went on to describe some of the sexual content in these movies, not because he wanted to, but because he felt it was necessary for readers to understand what they were dealing with. There were words in there I had never even heard of, and judging from some other details and words they were grouped with, I thought it best not even to look them up. The sin and depravity described was disgusting. And yet these were favourite movies of young men going into the ministry. This was their entertainment. Is that someone you would want pastoring your church? Not me, that's for sure!

One of the things I appreciated so much was how they emphasized guys being protectors of purity, leaving every girl better off for having known him. In our society, this is very rare to see. I've been blessed by the young men in our church, who look out for the girls all the time. I really appreciate it.

I'm sure there's more I wanted to say about this book, but it's slipping my mind right now. Since I have broken the ice once and for all, I'll probably end up reading a few of those other "guys books" I've often considered, such as:
God's Gift to Women by Eric Ludy (I found a review by a girl on this one too!)
Every Young Man's Battle by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn
For Young Men Only by Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice
The Mark of a Man by Elisabeth Elliot

But then again, I might not. But there are some suggestions for my male readers.

I'm not sure how much you all like reading my reviews and thoughts on other books. Maybe my posts are very unoriginal. But I'm trying to get something on here that's going to make a point and hopefully have an impact on somebody else's life. Thank you for your patience. God bless!