Responsible Single: Take a Risk

Taking risks.  This is something a couple of friends have pointed out in my life.  When I was first told this, I was very surprised.  I have a very cautious personality.  When I do something, I like to be assured of exactly how it will turn out.  I want to know that people will still like me.  I want to know that I won't mess up and ruin God's plans for me.

So why do these people say I take risks?  It seems to be because I'm not afraid to be different.  I'm not afraid to share my opinions when I know they may not be popular among the people closest to me.  I've taken a risk in writing this blog series, because I know my words may not always meet happy ears.  Some people recognize my endeavor to organize a fundraising event, not knowing the outcome, and yes, that was a risky step for me to take.  So although I don't see this frequently in my life, there is an element of risk present.

Risk and responsible are two words that don't seem to even fit together.  Risk is generally the opposite of responsible, so why did I choose to write about this?  Because I think more young people need to take healthy risks.  I'm not advocating going and doing stupid stuff and hoping there won't be negative consequences.  Don't play with sin.  Don't try things that will more than likely harm others or yourself.  That's not responsible.

I do think that there is a measure of responsible risk, but many of us are too afraid to try it.  How about when it comes to obeying the Word of God?  It's easy to obey God when we know the outcome, but what if we don't?  Jesus never promised us peace and safety if we obey Him.  We take a risk when we obey His commands.  We take a risk when we sell all we have, give to the poor and follow Him.  We take a risk when we share the Gospel in many parts of the world.  We take a risk when we stand up for truth in North America, when we stand for life, when we speak out against various forms of immorality.  We take a risk when we tithe when finances are tight.  We take a risk when we trust God's will is best even when we can't see it and would rather go our own way.

But how many of these risks do we as single people actually take?  Are we willing to obey God when our friends may reject us?  Are we willing to stand for truth alone?  Are we willing to do something to make a difference in the world, even if no one supports us?

What I'm suggesting is taking risks in doing good.  These are difficult risks, but they stretch us and cause us to grow in our faith.  They bring us closer to God and cause us to trust in Him more.  They're not irresponsible.  I believe these are the kinds of risks God would desire we take more often, and I believe we would grow in many areas of our lives if we did.

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This concludes my Responsible Single series.  If there is something in particular you have been blessed by, feel free to drop me a comment.

Responsible Single: Keep Learning

One of the things I have greatly enjoyed in my single years is learning after I completed my secondary education.  I have decided not to pursue a formal post-secondary education, largely due to financial reasons, but I have greatly enjoyed learning at home.

When I say keep learning, that can mean several things, and depending on your personality, it could mean something totally different than what it means to me.  For me, it has meant studying literature and working on my writing.  This past year, I became involved with IJM and read several books on justice issues.  I've also started learning more about abortion and the pro-life view.  I consider that a part of my learning.  I'm growing my knowledge and understanding of issues I didn't know as much about before.  For many learning may mean a formal education at a university.  For others it could mean learning a new skill, developing a talent, learning a new computer program, practicing a household skill, or learning how to make something creative whether it's with needles and tread or yarn or wood, or whatever you use.  For some, it may be researching a topic that interests you or even just taking more time to study God's Word.

Unfortunately, my job right now doesn't allow me to do as much learning as I want to.  But when time allows, I have lots of unread books on my shelf, some of which I want to study, I want to work on my writing skills, and perhaps one day I will further study such things as philosophy, political science, justice, or other social issues.  Writing this post is exciting and frustrating for me because it reminds me of everything I want to do and I miss working part time and having the time to do them.

For those of you who have want to pursue post-secondary education but can't afford it, or it doesn't seem to be a reasonable choice, I want to share some things I have found that can be very helpful.  One of the reasons I haven't pursued university is because most of what I would study there I can learn at home at a fraction of the price.  I just miss the opportunity for discussion, having my work graded and getting the credits.  If I want to study literature and writing, I can walk into Chapters or go onto Amazon.ca and buy my education for a fraction of the price of an institution.  But there are also an abundance of free online resources that I began discovering last year.

If you have iTunes on your computer, you can go to the iTunes store and under the menu there's a cool feature called iTunes U.  iTunes U is a great collection of university lectures covering a wide range of subjects, a lot in video and most of it's free.  You can also search for this on some university websites.

Something else I got really excited about this year was when Biola University, a Christian university in California, added a whole section of free content open to the public called Open Biola.  There is so much there I'd want to watch and learn that I could spend months there.  It's awesome that Christian universities are giving back in this way.  We live in a time where so much is available at our fingertips. You don't have to go to a university or even a library anymore. Use it wisely and make the most of it.

It doesn't matter so much what you're learning about, but that you're thinking.  Don't neglect to exercise your mind.  Having said that, use discretion.  Learn about things that will build you up and allow you to build up others.  Spend your time on things that matter and are profitable.  Filter what you're learning through the Word of God so you're not being deceived or swept away with worldly, unbiblical views that sound good to our fallen human nature or wander into things that will cause you to sin.  Let Philippians 4:8 be your guide:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think abut these things."

Next Post: Take a Risk

Responsible Single: Get a Mentor

This is a post I have the pleasure of writing because of the special people God has placed in my life.  I have enjoyed having mentor figures in my life in the last few years that have helped shape me into who I am today.  Some have only been there for a short time.  With others my relationship continues to grow. 

If you're older and no longer single, I want you to listen to what I have to say.  We need you.  I'm often very saddened to see the lack of youth-mentor relationships in the church.  Sometimes the potential mentors in the church are busy with careers, family, young children, or their own life issues and just don't have time to give to spend walking a young person through the issues they face.  It's also not always easy opening up about where you're at and sometimes it's hard to find someone whom you trust enough to be vulnerable with.  Some people are very close to their parents and can share anything with them, but I don't have that close relationship and I have to look to others to take this role in my life.

The mentors in my life would likely not call themselves that.  They're more like friends that are about twice my age.  We don't get together once a week for one on one talks, but they do have me in their home and we share what is going on in our lives or we interact online.  The best mentors in my life right now is a couple from another church.  It's an interesting story how they came to be a part of my life a couple years ago,  through the man writing a book and wanting to sell it in the store I worked in.

The beauty of having this couple in my life is that I know I can trust them, share my struggles with them, receive guidance when making decisions, and when necessary, loving correction. I can trust I will be told what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.  They love me, walk with me and pray for me.  They set an example for me of a beautiful marriage and a godly home.  I feel like they have also allowed me to give back to them and I hope they see it that way too.  One of the reasons it has been such a blessing is that I not only have a woman to share things with, but I can get advice from a man's perspective. Of course discretion is necessary and certainly not everything that goes on in my life is appropriate to share with men, but his guidance has often been very helpful.

A lot of young people rely too heavily on the support of their peers when they're going through difficulties or need advice.  Friends are good and they may make you feel better, but since they're often going through the same things you are and don't have as much life experience, they may not be able to give you what you need to overcome what you're going through.  They may sympathize but not have the courage to correct you or walk with you. 

Sometimes you may have to initiate this mentor relationship.  It is much easier though when a couple shows interest in speaking into your life and walking with you first.  It's easier when you know they care because they do, not because you're asking them to.  I really appreciate it when someone invites me to have coffee with them, and I don't have to feel like I have to twist their arm for their time.

Whatever your situation is, find someone.  Find someone you can trust.  Find someone who won't tolerate sin in your life, someone you can invite to point out your blind spots, but can also trust to do so lovingly and walk with you. The Bible has a lot to say about seeking the counsel and wisdom of those older than you. Allow them to speak into your life and look for ways you can give back to them.  You will be blessed and I also believe that when life gets hard, you will continue to walk in truth.

Next Post: Keep Learning

Responsible Single: Meet a Need

In this post, I want to share something I believe is so important for not only young women, but for all singles.  We have great potential when it comes to meeting needs in our world.  We don't have the responsibilities of our own home and family yet, and although we do still face challenges, we are much more available to reach out and help others.

There are many needs that you can meet locally.  Often there are many ways in which you can serve in your church, whether it's helping in the nursery, library, or being part of a cleaning team.  There are ways you can help in your community, whether it's visiting elderly folks in a nursing home, helping at a soup kitchen or other local charity or outreach organization.  If you're part of a youth group or a university campus group, you also have extra support and numbers to do greater things and make it fun.

Although there are often many local opportunities to meet needs, I would encourage you to think globally and focus on issues that are bigger than your community.  Our lives in North America are usually very comfortable, but there are nations in the world that suffer from poverty, hunger, thirst, disease and the list goes on.  Millions of children are orphaned, plagued with AIDS, or trafficked and abused.  You may not believe the amount of people in our world who do not even have access to clean water and sanitation and as a result are plagued with constant illness.  Meanwhile, even in our own nation, children are killed because they're an inconvenient byproduct of their parents' actions. 

The need in our world is great, so much so that it is often quite daunting.  With such big global problems, it's hard to know how to even start making a difference.  But I encourage you to try.  I encourage you to connect with an organization that does something you feel strongly about, that is meeting a need, or connect with a group of other people, and do something to make a difference. Or just surround yourself with a group of like minded people and see what you can do.

Earlier this year, I organized a fundraiser to provide aftercare funds for survivors of human trafficking in India.  I knew that if I wanted to do something like this, now was the time.  Yes, I was busy, but I also knew that I would often have excuses and that I was more available now than I would be when I have a family.  I went to some mentors in my life for counsel, got a support group together, and made it happen.

I won't tell you what kind of cause to get behind.  You don't have to take up a cause per se.  But I do encourage you to do something that makes a positive, lasting difference in the lives of others.  I doesn't have to be thousands of people.  You may change just one life at a time.  It's not over when you get married, but I do believe we have a special opportunity now that we should not allow to pass us by.

"She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy." --Proverbs 31:20

Next Post: Get a Mentor

Responsible Single: Learn to Drive

This is a post I'm going to try to keep brief.  I believe it's important that young women learn how to drive.  I'm not sure why, but driving is something that tends to scare some girls, and therefore they try to avoid it.  Some girls don't learn to drive for other reasons.  Sometimes they think they will always be able to get rides with other people wherever they need to go.  Other times, they don't have someone who is willing to take the time and lend the vehicle to teach them.  Whatever the case may be, I encourage girls to put aside their reasons or try to overcome their obstacles and do it anyway.

When you're young and you always have someone to catch a ride with, not driving doesn't seem like such a big deal.  But there comes a time when you can't always be dependent on others.  There are times when people won't be there to take you where you need to go or when doing so will come at a great inconvenience to them.  Also, as people become more dependent on others, I believe they start to lose their appreciation for what others do for them.  They begin to have unreasonable expectations and fail to give back.

Being able to drive tears down a lot of barriers and obstacles in life.  It's a lot easier to get a job when you're able to get there on your own.  It's also a lot easier to commit to other activities when you know you have a way of getting there.  It can eliminate a lot of stress and pressure in your life and in the lives of your family and friends.  In short, it makes life a lot easier.

If possible, I would encourage you to take a Driver's Ed course.  Yes, it's expensive and the prices only keep rising, but I was so thankful that I could learn to drive with someone who had the patience and skill to teach me well.  It was great to have someone who didn't freak out every time I did the littlest thing wrong.  One of the best things about the course was learning to drive on the highway with a trainer.  I know some women who drive, but will refuse to set wheels on the 400 series.  The combination of high speeds, thick traffic and changing lanes just seems to be more than they can handle.  I admit it can be stressful.  I often have a very tense neck after driving through a big city.  But it's a lot easier when you know how to do it right, and there are times when taking country roads is just not practical.

Yes, there are times when you will make mistakes.  I hope that none of them will cause bodily injury to anyone or cause you to be in conflict with the law.  I have made some mistakes, (one recently cost me dearly), and although there are times when I have been afraid of driving for awhile, I have never wished I had never learned in the first place.  I have always been thankful for the ability and I don't think it's something you would regret either.

My next post goes in hand with this one.  Stay tuned for "Own a Car".

Over-Aged Rebelutionary

A few years ago, the Rebelution had a huge influence on my life and still does.  Started by teens, Alex and Brett Harris, it's a movement that encourages teens to do hard things and live above the expectations of our culture.  I made friends and connected with people I otherwise may never have met.

I read the book Do Hard Things several times, and although I loved the principles, I felt I had a difficult time applying them.  Yes, I was doing the small hard things, I was living in a way and making decisions most teens didn't, but it didn't feel that significant.  I wasn't doing any big, hard things, the kinds of things that impact the people around me or cause leaps and bounds of growth in my life.

Late last year, I turned 20.  I wasn't a "teenager" anymore and I felt like I had kind of missed out on the Rebelution in my own life.  But early this year, some significant changes happened in my life that threw me into hard things I didn't feel prepared for.  I felt like I was only starting to do hard things once my teen years were over.

This past summer, I decided to move further out of my comfort zone and take action.  I began planning a fundraiser for International Justice Mission Canada.  (I think it was also through the Rebelution that I initially learned about Zach Hunter and IJM.)  Not just a small fundraiser, but one that involves multiple local churches to form a community event that will be taking place later this fall.  I have never planned a fundraiser before, let alone such a large event like this involving so many people, nor do I know anyone who has.  After speaking to IJM, I found out they have never had anyone plan an event like this either.  I'm really doing something in a way nobody has done it before, I don't know how the results will turn out, but I'm excited that I'm taking action, doing hard things, and hopefully inspiring others to do the same.

I feel like an over-aged Rebelutionary.  At times I wished I had done these sort of hard things in my teens.  But in the past month or so, I have come to view it differently.  I have seen the things in my teen years that prepared me for this, like my previous job, or my decision to leave the public school system when it didn't make any sense.  I have come to see character traits in my life that often come out negatively, but can be channeled in this fundraising project in a positive way to do good.  The skills I have developed, the experience I've had, and even the character qualities that often cause tension in my relationships are assets and qualities that greatly aid me in the work I'm doing.

What I'm ultimately getting at is this: Don't get discouraged that you didn't do more in the past.  Don't just regret what you didn't do.  Rather do something now and look to new opportunities for growth.  I look back at my teen years now, and yes, I regret some things.  But I also see how much they prepared me for the work I am doing now.  I look at how much I have grown in the last eight months after my teen years.  I have faced challenges, been thrown out of my comfort zone, but it has caused me to grow and do things I otherwise wouldn't have thought possible and wouldn't have been possible without that season of preparation.

I don't want to go through life asking why I didn't do more last year.  But I do want to go through life and look back and say I did more, I lived more fully, I did harder things, I grew more this year than last year.  The Rebelution isn't just for teens.  It's for everyone, especially for the Christian and should be applied and lived out throughout our whole life.  It's great if the foundation can be laid in our youth, but growth will happen in later years as well.

My desire is that in the coming years, I will continue to use my single years to grow and do harder things, that it will prepare me for the marriage and family I will one day have.  I also pray that I will continue to look back, not with regret, but with joy and satisfaction, knowing that God has led me, that I took up opportunities, that I did harder things, that I loved more, served more, and have grown stronger in faith and in character with each year.

Is your desire the same?