Struggles of a Dreaming Realist

It sounds complicated, because it is.  I have entitled this post "Struggles of a Dreaming Realist", but that's really only a condensed title.  It could be "Struggles of a Christian Dreaming Realist Who Happens to be a Single Mennonite Young Woman Taught in a Conservative Church Environment, Always Too Concerned What Others Will Think of Her".  Now that provides a little more context.  But I think modern writing laws likely forbid such lengthy titles.

This is essentially an article that explains why I am the way I am, at least to the extent that I'm willing to share publicly.  I find myself in a transition phase of life once again, trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, and how am I possibly going to get there.  I am 22, single, unemployed, and evaluating my options in terms of work and education.  I just finished a summer of volunteer service in NY, but find myself wading through the struggle again of finding my place, having to make ends meet, trying to find something I actually enjoy doing, and maybe breaking down some of the barriers in my life that keep me from greater things.

But it's not easy.  The challenges of circumstances, upbringing, and what has been drilled into my brain for the last 10 years doesn't make it easy.  I have come to a place where I don't have to worry for a second that people will shoot down my ideas and dreams.  I do that myself.  And I do that to just about everyone else that make suggestions to me for my life.  I only realized this in the last few weeks and months in the conversations I've had with various people.  They see my potential, the things I'm capable of, the knowledge, the ability, the talent and tell me about what I could do.  My response usually ends up being my well thought logical reasoning (ahem, excuses) of why it's not possible.

I wasn't always this way.  Eight years ago, I was going in 10th grade, and like everyone else, trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I had good grades and teachers had high hopes for me.  I was going to defy my cultural upbringing, go on to university, and build a successful career.  I took up a feminist flag and was going to follow my dreams.  I just hadn't ironed out the details yet.

Then life changed.  I had a spiritual breakthrough, started to home school, and a year later my dreams and life goals consisted of getting married, having a family and home schooling my children.  And I expected it to start happening fast, like, before I was 20.  (Are there ever prayers I'm thankful God didn't answer!)  With such a life ideal, there was no need to pursue a career.  Not only was there no need, it wasn't Biblical.  This was my way of thinking at the time.  So a post-secondary education at an institution was a waste of time and money that I didn't have anyway.  As a young woman, I was expected to stay at home, honour my parents, live a quiet life, prepare for marriage and wait until God brought my husband to me.  Oh, and no matter what happened, I had to be content!

Over the next few years, I swayed from this.  Prince Charming didn't come riding in before I was 20 and I was destined to become an old maid.  I began to toy with the idea of going back to school.  I had a love for writing and studying classic literature, maybe philosophy, and I wanted to do that from a Christian perspective.  But a visit to a university convinced me that for that, I was better off studying at home.  Besides, what if Prince Charming happened to show up during that time, or what if he would have come into my life, had I not gone off to pursue my education?  I hate to admit it, but the elusive prince was (and still is) always in the back of my mind when it came to making big life decisions.  I didn't want to do anything that might crush that dream and doom me to be single forever!

I started to become a rebel of sorts in my Christian surroundings.  I had grown in my faith under some solid teaching and had adopted some strong standards and convictions in everything from courtship, modesty, media, and Biblical womanhood, many for which I am incredibly grateful for.  But things tended to slip at times.  When tested, my convictions didn't stand.  I compromised.  And I realized many of the convictions I held to weren't actually my own.  I had only adopted them from others.  And when convictions are not your own, they don't stand the test.

And so I began to take risks and became more "me."  I would voice my daring opinions, do things others might not, and live a slightly more exciting life than some of the young people around me.  I tried new things and went places others hadn't.  There were some choices I'm very happy about, and there are also many I regret.  But today, I still find myself concerned for my reputation and what other people will think of me.

Please understand.  I want God's will for my life.  I really do.  However, God's will and the church's will can often get confused.  And when your ears are so accustomed to hearing the church's expectations and other people are pulling at you from different sides, it can be hard to discern God's specific plans for your life.  There simply is not a cookie cutter mold that fits for everyone.

At the present time in my life, I find myself very torn.  I desire God's will for my life in all areas.  I still desire marriage and a family, and I still want to focus my energy on raising and teaching my children, as opposed to being a working mom.  But that dream remains on a distant horizon.  In the past year and half, I have volunteered, traveled, and discovered great ways to use my gifts and talents.  I have had many people observe me and encourage me to use those skills and to find a good, well-paying job.  I have also had more encourage me to continue my education, so that I can pursue the better-paying careers and make the most of my skills and talents.

In one way, I'd love to.  These people have shown me that I have let a part of myself die.  They have dared me to dream again, to revive old interests and talents, and to become everything I could be.  And they mean well.  They really do.  And I appreciate them for that.

The problem is, the realistic thinker kicks in and explains the challenges of the rural area in which I live, the commuting distance for those better jobs, and how my lack of post-secondary education disqualifies me in the eyes of so many employers.  "Have you considered going back to school?", or something like that, is a question that comes up with increasing frequency.  And I continue to explain my circumstances.  Finances presently do not allow and I am incredibly adamant about living debt-free as far as I possibly can.  Besides, I can't decide exactly what I want to do, so I don't want to invest the time and money.  And if I do, I have to make sure that it doesn't conflict with my long-term family goals.  On and on I go, spitting out my reasoning, trying to make myself sound like an intelligent young woman, trying to convince them I'm right.  In the back of my mind, and in prayer, I continue to wrestle with what God's will for my life is.  And what about, what about...the prince?

Today, I sat down and explored some more educational options.  I'm trying.  I am.  I'm trying to evaluate which educational or career path would be best for me, what would be the best use of my skills and interests, what would open up the most opportunities.  Do I go for something that seems safe, or something I would really enjoy?  Something that would mean being out in the work force, or allow me to work from home?  There are many options, many possibilities, all of which are currently out of reach.

I made a plan about a month or so ago outlining how I was going to begin opening up opportunities for my life, how I was going to try things I've always wanted to learn, like swimming and crocheting, how I was going to study literature again and work on my writing skills again.  And yes, even buy my own flute and start playing again.  I put all these goals, these hopes, into charts and neatly prioritized and applied the finances required to see some of these dreams fulfilled, in the midst of all the other demands on my time and finances.

It felt good.  It felt good to dream again, to have a plan, to know I could go home and forge ahead, see things happen, achieve a level of success, accomplishment, and just do things I had so often wished I could.  But as so often happens, God showed me just how quickly he can turn everything upside down, and nothing but dust may be left of my dreams.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how great my dreams, and how much I plan, I'm not in control.  It means nothing if it's not what God desires for me.  And perhaps sometimes He sits on His throne, shaking His head, wondering "Why is she trying this again?"  I have seen God change my plans time and time again.

No matter what I do, life is still unpredictable.  Everything can change in a heartbeat.  The plans, the hopes, the dreams that once mattered so much can become entirely insignificant.

So what does this long rant and explanation of my life leave me to conclude?

I can try.  I can dream.  I can make plans and set goals.  But without God's leading, it means nothing.  I can put myself on the throne and force things, make them happen, no matter what the cost, but it will mean nothing.  I will not be happy or fulfilled.  And people would have no reason to applaud me for any of my accomplishments.  I could give all my time, resources and energy and perhaps attain success, but completely miss the mark!

So how do I respond?  I have but one choice that makes any sense.

If the Lord wills, I will.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." --Proverbs 16:9

How MDS Impacted My Life

The following is a brief talk I shared last week at MDS's closing ceremony in Staten Island.  I was asked to share on how serving with MDS impacted my life.  For those who couldn't be there, here it is.  This is the end of a chapter of my life.

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I'm Margaret Neufeld, 22, and from Ontario.  I first found out about Mennonite Disaster Service a year and a half ago, from a radio ad in my town, and since then, I have spent 20 weeks volunteering here in Staten Island.  Most of that time, I have served as the Office Manager here.

The impact that MDS has had on my life is hard to put into words, because it has been so great.  So much so, that it has even compelled me to resign my job in order to come back here and serve.  I remember when  I first went home in April 2013 after being here for one week, how so many things in life seemed so insignificant and I knew I had to come back.  It has been an incredible opportunity for me as a young woman to serve and give myself to something that has been so meaningful.

MDS has allowed me to apply my administrative and leadership skills in a non-profit project.  The way in which MDS has involved me and so often invited my input has made me feel valued and allowed me to grow rich in experience.  I never felt like "just a volunteer:"  In the 20 weeks that I have spent here, I have sanded drywall, painted, cooked, cleaned, learned to identify a lot of different tools, kept the books, crunched a lot of numbers, assigned rooms to volunteers, wrote reports, and a lot of other things I won't mention.

For me, serving with MDS was an avenue to demonstrate my faith.  As it turned out, it also increased my faith many times.  I never would have imagined spending my summers in New York City volunteering in a disaster response project.  I have seen the Lord open doors when things looked impossible and have been able to spend much more time here than I expected.  I praise God for that.  There have been many challenges, many long, tiring days, and much budgeting at home to make it possible for me to go months without an income so I could be here.  Some would call it a sacrifice.  I consider it a blessing.  It has been rewarding beyond anything I could do for myself.  I have stored up memories, made new friends, learned from experience, discovered many of my strengths as well as many of many of my weaknesses, and become a richer person because of it all.

In the past year and a half, Staten Island has become a home, and the people a family.  Within the walls of this seminary and on this island, I have laughed, cried, loved, prayed, succeeded, failed, hurt, and healed.  I have lived life here.  I have met around 400 different volunteers, not to mention all the clients, staff, partners and church family.  I have lived and worked alongside amazing people who have been there to support me, cheer me on, help me recognize my potential and caused me to dream again.  Romans 12:15 says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."  I have experienced that here time and time again.

MDS has shaped so much of who I am.  I look forward to hopefully one day sitting down with my children and telling them the stories of what I did during this time of my life, the people I met, the memories I made and the way it changed me.  I will miss this place and all the people here, but it will always remain a part of me and I know that many of our paths will cross again.  Thank you, MDS, for letting me be a small part of this project.

Standing Firm Through Change

Since I last shared on this blog, my life has changed.  Several times.  And it will continue to do so.  Shortly after my last post in November, I started working again.  God granted a job at a time when some large, unexpected expenses came up.  Then I worked for two and a half months and God opened the way for me to return to Staten Island for several weeks.  This came unexpectedly, but was also a big answer to prayer.  In the past few months, I have seen God answer prayer, provide in ways I didn't expect, and seen Him do exceeding, abundantly above all I could ever ask or think.

It hasn't been without challenges though.  It has come with difficulty, with trials of faith, some pain and tears mixed in with the testimonies of God's faithfulness and the fresh memories of people I met and served alongside.  I have seen life change quickly, and have again experienced not being able to see what God had for me past the end of the week.  And it has been very good for me.

In the season of change I'm in, I'm learning that Christ is the only solid rock I can stand on.  I have seen how much I trust and lean on things like a job, money, health, relationships, organized religion, my plans, and my dreams.  All these things can be taken away in an instant.  They can all be shaken at any time.  The things we possess can be snatched at any time.  The people we love and trust will disappoint us.  It's inevitable. 

And what happens to us when that happens?  Does our whole world seem to crash down around us?  What happens when you have to go months without an income?  What happens when the people you care about are led in a different direction?  What happens when you can't have your job back?  What happens when you lose your health?  What about if God chooses not to heal your friend or family member's cancer?  What happens on days you realize you have so little control over what happens in your life?  What about when your dreams of marriage and a family are not realized, while the love stories of your friends are being penned?  What about when you go home and you don't know where you're going next?

If you're leaning on these things, you will be very hurt when they're pulled away.  And you may not realize you're leaning on them until they are.  This is why I've learned afresh that I need to stand on Christ.  He is the only sure rock I can stand on that won't be shaken, the only person I can lean on that won't disappoint.  That doesn't mean that when other things in my life are shaken, that it won't hurt.  It will still hurt, perhaps incredibly so.  But I will find myself running to the feet of Jesus, clinging to Him, because I know His love and faithfulness is unchanging.  I can know that He stands ready to guide and carry me through the storm, to hold me close.  And I learn in times like this that my satisfaction needs to be wrapped up in Him alone, because everything else is temporal.

I can't know what the year ahead has for me.  I know that God will continue to do things this year that I would not have expected.  He has already done so much more than I could have expected.  But my hope, my joy, my trust, cannot be in any of the material things, relationships or opportunities He chooses to bless me with.  It must be in Him.

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.  I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.  I am ashamed of my lack of desire.  O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still.  Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.  Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.  Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."  Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.  --A. W. Tozer

But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." --Luke 10:41,42 (ESV)

What Did I Expect?

Every New Year's, our church gathers for a time of celebrating, a slideshow of the year's events, and sharing of what God has done in the past year.  At the end of the service, we all have the opportunity to pick up what we call a promise verse, something for us to hold on to for the coming year.  With anticipation, I walk up to the front, look at all the little pieces of paper face down on the little table, and randomly choose one, wondering what kind of promise or fate will be revealed.  It's almost like breaking open a fortune cookie, except I can't endorse putting a lot of weight in the little paper inside.  Can I just eat the cookie?

Anyway, this past New Year's, as I picked up my promise verse and read it, I wasn't exactly filled with joy.  It was more like fear.  If I was going to hold onto this promise throughout the year, it meant I would be encountering some difficulty.

Hebrews 13:5 (ESV)
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

You see, I didn't know at the time that I would be writing my resignation a few weeks later and spend most of my year unemployed.  I had no idea how much I would have to be content with what I had, and lean on God's faithfulness and promise to take care of me.  I also had no idea what kind of opportunities would follow my decision to stop working.

It was in March that a man who has had a big impact in my life suggested I consider missions.  Although I was content to take a bit of a break from work, I hadn't considered missions a great deal.  I always wanted to go on a missions trip while I was still single, but I didn't think of that necessarily being the time.  I knew I wanted to go to Haiti and I looked into whether or not that was still a possibility.  I further prayed that if the Lord wanted me to do missions, to make me aware of opportunities.  It was only days later that I heard on the radio about a need for volunteers in New York City to help with Hurricane Sandy relief and I began to plan for a one week trip.

This year, I have made five different trips, three of which were to Staten Island.  In those first few months of traveling, one of the questions I got asked often was  "How are you paying for all of this?"  To be honest, I only paid one trip completely out of my pocket.  For the others, many or all of my expenses were covered otherwise.  I have had opportunities this year that I never would have dreamed of when I picked up that promise verse.

When I came home from my last term in NY, I knew I had some responsibilities to tend to, and more than that, I needed to find work.  I didn't think I was that naive about the labour market in my area, but I must say that it has taken a lot longer than I expected.  I would be lying to say that I have always remained joyful through this effort.  I would be lying to say that I always had unshaking confidence that God would answer my prayers in the way I wanted.  And employment was not the only issue I was seeking the Lord about.  There have been a lot of other things going on in my mind and heart that I was trying to understand the Lord's will in.  There were times I said to myself or friends "My life makes no sense!"  And there were times I would kneel and come before the throne and just say "Lord, I don't understand."

To be honest, there were times when I briefly thought "Maybe my last term in NY wasn't such a good idea."  But I always crushed that idea pretty quick.  Last night I had the privilege of reconnecting with some fellow volunteers, meeting new ones, sharing memories, laughter, and tears.  You see, I recognize that despite the uncertainty of my life right now, I would not take back the last 7 months.  I would not go back and choose a different path.  I know how incredibly blessed I have been to be able to do what I have done.  I would not trade the experiences of this year for financial ease.  They have been worth the uncertainty of life.

I think part of the problem of what I experienced coming home is that I had this proud and unscriptural expectation that, since I spent so much of my time this year serving, God would bless me with a great job soon after I came home.  I had gained all this great experience and honed some leadership qualities.  Surely some great employer would see what I had to offer and hire me in an instant!  Not so.  And God does not owe me anything.  In truth, He gave me a lot more than I could have asked for.

I have come to an incredible realization recently.  It's a very obvious one at that.  You may even wonder just how thick-headed I am.  Here it is.  Free time and money rarely coexist in abundance, at least not for a long period of time.  You see, when you work, you are able to accumulate resources, but are limited as to what you can do with your time.  When you stop working, you have a lot of time, but your resources dictate where you go and what you do.  I recognize that this experience is not unique to my life, but is that of most of this world's population.

Obvious, it seems, but I have begun to understand this phenomenon and the frustrations related to it firsthand in a new way, as I have had a great deal of time, but a limited supply of resources at my disposal.  I am so grateful though, that I have learned to be disciplined in the way I manage finances, have been adamant about not making debt, and am usually not inclined to have a lot of stuff or the latest gadgets.

I have wrestled with a lot of different emotions through this.  There have been days I've been so frustrated that I don't have meaningful ways to use my time, and I have to remind myself there are things I can do now, that I won't be able to do later.  There are days I don't understand what the Lord's purpose is in this, but then I remember that I have gained a greater understanding of Who He is, and the love that He desires for me to have for Him.  I don't fail to see the times He provides in little ways.  And (although I admit there have been times where I have not felt positively about the way some people tried to encourage me) I have been grateful for the people--friends, mentors, past volunteers--who have lifted me up, prayed for me, and helped in other ways.

So what did I expect this year?  Two months ago?  Not this. Not all the amazing experiences, nor the not-so-amazing challenges.  But I know I serve One Who is called Faithful and True, One Who calls me His beloved, One Who promised never to leave me nor forsake me.  And I know I'm blessed.

"God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you to an even more wonderful understanding of Himself." --Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

What Makes God Faithful?

This year has been full of joys and challenges.  The future remains unknown.  But I am so thankful for what this year has taught me about the faithfulness of God.  I know God is faithful.  It's not because I have seen Him move great mountains in my life, although He may do that at times.  He's faithful because He is.  He is Faithful.  He is called Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11).  He is Faithful and therefore He will not abandon me or be unfaithful, no matter where I end up.

2 Timothy 2:11-13 (ESV):
The saying is trustworthy, for:
If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him;
if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful--
for he cannot deny himself.

I don't completely understand this passage of scripture, but I am thankful for it.  I don't have to understand it to believe it.  But knowing that God is Faithful helps me understand it.  If He calls Himself Faithful and True, if that's his very name, to be unfaithful would be to deny Who He is.

So what makes God faithful?  The fact that He is Faithful.  No other reason is needed.

How I Spent my Summer

Six months ago I walked out of the office for the last time.  And life changed.  Three months earlier as I turned 21, I wouldn't have thought I would make such a move.  And there I was, feeling free, unsure of where I would go next.  I knew I was going to Staten Island for one week, and later to Haiti for a week, but I didn't know what I would do after that.  I was content to take a break from the workforce for awhile and figure things out.  I had no idea what would all come out of my decision.

I did go to New York for a week, the experiences of which I relate here.  The following week, I applied to return long-term and was soon after accepted.  And I did go to Haiti for a week.  The week after I came home from Haiti, I flew to Calgary to receive some training with International Justice Mission.  A week later, our youth girls had a Set-Apart Girl Simulcast Conference and the following weekend I flew back to New York, where I ended up serving two separate terms with Mennonite Disaster Service.

Three weeks ago I returned home, and again, I didn't know what I would do next.  Although I loved serving away from home and most of my needs had been met, I knew it was time to take on my role as Mobilization Associate with IJM and prepare to re-enter the workforce.  This seems to be no small task, since my lack of education and geographic location alone presents a number of barriers.  But try I must.

What have I learned through all of this?  Much.  You don't come home from months of traveling and serving unchanged.  I've learned a lot about my character, I've learned new skills, and gained a wider perspective for ministry.  I have also learned that God uses every experience for good and for preparation of what He has for me next.  The bookstore prepared me for the office, the office for NY, and they have prepared me for my next role back home, even if that role remains to be seen.  God has a purpose for each experience, even when I can't understand it at the time.

Something I used to wonder about is how young people could leave home and go to another country and serve for so long, only coming back to see family and friends about once a year for a short time.  I don't wonder about that anymore.  When you are where God has called you, you enjoy what you do, you know you're making a difference, and your daily needs are met, it's not hard.  New York became home and the people became a family.  Yes, I was busy, there were challenges and was often very tired.  But I loved living in community with people who were all there for the same purpose.  Coming home and returning to a seemingly self-serving kind of life was actually very frustrating.

I will not forget or regret how I spent this summer.  Nine months ago, I longed to go on a mission trip this year while I was still single.  Little did I know that I would spend months away from home.  I met some amazing people and made some incredible memories.  I was able to touch a few lives in unexpected ways.  I saw a mission field right within North America, where we could minister to those so many have forgotten about.  I have been able to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.  And just to give you a taste, here are a few of the highlights of my travels.

• First trip to NY with my youth group
• The trip up a mountain in Haiti I wasn't sure I'd come back to tell about
• Helping take care of a baby at an orphanage in Haiti
• Going to another province in my country for the first time
• Throwing a spontaneous birthday party for the project director and presenting the best cake ever: a tub of ice cream with candles that relight after you blow them out
• Going grocery shopping for enormous amounts of food at Costco and have people look at us weird
• Laughing with my friends until we cried and growing closer in our friendships
• Worshiping with the local church on Staten Island that we partnered with
• House dedications
• Singing hymns and worship songs on trains, subways and the ferry with an amazing group of people
• Listening to the story of a homeless couple and praying with them in front of Times Square Church
• Meeting up with a friend in Manhattan that I hadn't seen in almost two years
• Visiting a client in the hospital and later taking her home
• Eating New York Pizza, so I could say I had it.  Yes, I even folded it.
• A walk down the boardwalk, enjoying the ocean breeze after a week's work
• Visiting the Brooklyn Tabernacle
• After a long, tiring day, when I finally thought I was finished working, spilling an unseen bowl of grease all over the floor and down the kitchen cabinets.  No, it wasn't fun cleaning it up, but I won't easily forget it.

With all the joys and wonderful memories, it is bittersweet.  For now, this season of traveling and serving is over.  I met some amazing people, many who I may never see again.  There are places I would have loved to visit and didn't have a chance to. 

I embark on a new season, figuring out a new kind of life.  A life of wrestling between desires and meeting necessities.  A life of putting dreams on hold again, wondering if or when they will come to pass.  A life of remembering that my joy must be in the Lord, not in my circumstances, and knowing that my identity is in Him, not where I am or what I'm doing.

Although this year has had its challenges and pain, I will not forget the Summer of 2013.

Is College Worth It? by William J. Bennett and David Wilezol

In Is College Worth It?, William J. Bennett and David Wilezol "expose the broken promise of higher education."  They examine the financial crises caused by student loans, the rising tuition costs, how tuition money is being misused by universities and how many students are often unable to find employment with their degrees after accumulating thousands of dollars of debt. They take a hard look at the quality of education students are receiving and whether or not a college education is worth the investment. Alternative post-secondary educational options for various types of students are also discussed.

There were several aspects of this book that I appreciated, like how they exposed the misuse of student and taxpayer money at many universities to pay presidents and faculty outrageous salaries, offer programs and courses with little academic value, and improve campus aesthetics.  It opened my eyes to how much our culture looks down on blue-collar jobs, when there's actually a great need for skilled workers to fill those positions.  It also points out that classic literature, disciplines and character training are no longer being taught, nor do students learn to effectively write, speak, teach or make decisions.  Tolerance and diversity has become the great mission of many universities, meanwhile identity studies are actually damaging to individuals and societies.

However, despite the positive qualities, I also found the book to be quite boring at times.  I recognize that statistics and numbers are necessary to prove where the education model is lacking, but I think the information could have been presented in a more interesting manner.  Although the book is definitely informative, I don't think a teen considering what kind of post-secondary path to pursue would likely read through the book far enough to make an informed decision. Overall, I would rate this book 3 out of 5 stars.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher through www.Booksneeze.com and was not required to write a positive review.

To Carry Your Compassion

I come back once again briefly to explain my future absence.  As God has called me to various things this spring and summer, writing will be low on my priority list.  I will be traveling to Haiti for a week this month on a mission trip, and then in June I will be returning to Staten Island to serve as a long-term volunteer with MDS.  The next few months will be a time of learning and growing in new ways.  No doubt, there will be lots to be shared, I just don't know when time will allow me to do that.

As I go through different seasons of life, there is usually a song that describes my vision or what it is I'm going through.  One that is fitting to this season of life is "The Power of Your Name" by Lincoln Brewster.  I appreciate the lyrics of this chorus and it's my desire that my life would be a demonstration of that as well.

"And I will live to carry your compassion

To love a world that's broken

To be Your hands and feet

And I will give with the life that I've been given

And go beyond religion

To see the world be changed

By the power of Your Name!"

Serving on Staten Island

Six months ago, Hurricane Sandy hit the east coast.  As with most tragedies and natural disasters, we heard a lot in the news for awhile, we prayed for them, and then slowly many forgot about the people who had lost nearly everything they had.  But on Staten Island, believers from US states and Ontario are volunteering their time to rebuild houses for families that still have not been able to return home.

Last week I had the privilege of traveling to Staten Island with a team from my youth group and serving with Mennonite Disaster Service.  Over the course of five days, we worked with other volunteers in various homes that had been flooded by the hurricane.  Our teams spent time mudding, sanding, painting, trimming windows, installing doors, and doing various other renovations.  Many had the privilege of meeting homeowners and hearing their experiences from the hurricane.  A few young ladies were busy at the seminary we stayed at preparing food and snacks for us and we were fed very well.

I think all of us were blessed to be a part of rebuilding and restoring what was broken six months ago.  We were blessed with great leaders that guided and encouraged us throughout the week as well as for the time we were able to get to know new people and play games in the evening.  We have stored up a lot of memories that we will treasure for a long time.

It's hard to explain what we felt and wondered during our time serving.  The seminary we stayed at for the week was higher up on Staten Island in a neighbourhood of large, beautiful homes hardly affected by the storm.  But only five minutes away, down towards the coast, many families had lost nearly everything they had.  DO NOT ENTER was painted on a door next to a lot where it looked like a house had been leveled.  Inspection notices were posted on many windows and doors.  Debris and garbage was still tangled up in trees and brush.  Many businesses in the city had not reopened yet and many business owners had just left.  Some houses didn't look affected on the outside, but the insides were ruined.  And other neighbourhoods only blocks away looked as if nothing had happened.

We were reminded how nice our part of the rebuilding task was compared to the people who had to come in after the storm, scoop mud out of the houses, and tear everything out of the basements and main floors.  We had the luxury of coming back at the end of the day to a comfortable place to stay, showers, a big, hot dinner prepared for us, and an enjoyable evening to look forward to.  Although we did a lot work, we actually felt pretty spoiled at times.

As I shared in our group devotional on evening, Jesus didn't separate the Gospel from meeting physical needs.  When Jesus sent His disciples out, He told them to proclaim that the kingdom of heaven was at hand.  But that's not all that He said.  He told them to meet physical needs.  They had received freely and they were to give just as freely.  Jesus spent a great deal of time in His earthly ministry feeding the hungry, healing the sick, casting out demons, cleansing lepers and so forth.  We are called to do the same.  It's a demonstration of our faith.

Meeting physical needs often opens the door for sharing the Gospel.  Seeing a group of people joyfully giving of their time and resources to help complete strangers and receiving nothing in return will cause many to ask "Why?".  We went to restore houses, and through that we can show people the One who restores lives.  Throughout this trip, I frequently thought of the song "Build Us Back".  Although written after the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, I think it's very fitting for what we did in Staten Island
and a great reminder that Jesus is our Redeemer and Restorer.

I can't possibly share in one article all I experienced in New York.  Our youth group will be sharing a presentation of our trip in the near future, so you may have to wait until then to hear more.  In one word, it was AMAZING!  We saw prayers answered, grew in love for one another, strengthened friendships, made new ones, and were sad to leave and part with people we had grown to appreciate so much in just a few short days.  In short, I would love to go back and do it all over again, but for longer next time!

If you would like to learn more about what MDS does, how you can volunteer with a project, or give, please visit the Mennonite Disaster Service website.  The work is ongoing and the need is great.  If you have the opportunity to volunteer, I can assure it's an experience you will not regret.  Please continue to pray for their work.

Submitting to One Another

Ephesians 5:21
submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

What does it mean to submit to one another?

For any readers who may know me well personally, you will know that submission is generally not my favourite topic of discussion.  I can be a dominating young woman and I don't always like the idea of having to submit to other people.  But I have grown to understand it and I'm learning to live it, although not without glitches.  Well, parts of it anyway.

I can understand submission to authority.  God tells us in His Word that we are to submit to Him, to parents, to husbands, to government leaders, to our elders, and to every ordinance of man.  It's not always easily done, but I get it.  However, in his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul tells the church to submit themselves to one another.  In other words, they were supposed to submit themselves to the ordinary people in the church, people on the same level as them.

This is something I have only come to understand in recent weeks, and it hasn't come easy.  What does submitting to one another mean for my life?  It means I don't always get my way.  It means people make decisions that I wouldn't have made and I have to go along with it.  Sometimes it means that if I let people in on my ideas, they have different ideas, and in the end, it doesn't turn out the way I anticipated.  I may not even get any credit.  And I have to be okay with that.  I choose to be okay with it, not because I always agree, but to keep the peace and not cause problems and divisions.  Also, sometimes what I perceive to be good for me, I can clearly see is not good for someone else.  Then I yield my desires for the good of someone else.

I'm also a person who likes to have a plan and work my plan.  Submitting to one another means I no longer govern my schedule as if it's all about me.  I hold my time, my plans, and resources out to God in an open hand.  If I lived on my own, it would be easy, but I live with my family, and sometimes my family has different plans for my day than I do.  Sometimes other people have different plans than I do.  So I submit and do my best to be flexible.  I look to their needs and desires before my own. I still make plans so I can be intentional about how I use my time, but I leave room for something to come up.

These are a couple ways I have been learning to submit to one another.  I'm sure in the future I will continue to have many more opportunities to practice this.  How have you been learning to submit to one another?