This is War!

My blog has been mostly quiet in the last month, but my life has certainly not been.  A chapter in my life is coming to a close and I'm seeking the Lord's direction for what He would have me do next.  I have ideas, but nothing is clear or has come together yet.  But I trust that God is leading and is preparing something.

At the beginning of the year, I sensed God leading me to do something.  Now I wonder if it is the will of God.  I made the difficult decision to close a season of my life.  I would go to bed confident I had made the right choice and wake up the next morning saying "This is ludicrous."  I went from being confident to confused, not knowing the difference between truth or lies.  I had sought counsel from people I trusted, and am confident in their wisdom, yet I wrestle within me.

As I seek God's will for the next season of life, it's harder to trust His leading today than it was a month ago.  Weeks of inspiration, of sensing God's leading have turned largely silent.  Things are dimmer.  Fears are creeping in.  I look at what I aspire to spend my time doing, then consider my financial needs, and wonder if I should just settle for "normal" drudgery again.  I am hampered with temptations.  There has been conviction of sin, and with it discouragement.  I sit down writing down thoughts about how to serve others and how to meet needs in the next season of life, then my ideas run out and I get stuck.  I fear that if I pursue this, people will misunderstand me.  I'm afraid they'll look at areas of my life and call me a hypocrite.

I understand what's going on though.  I know what's going on, even though I can't see what's ahead of me, even though at times I can't discern truth.  This is war!  That I know.  There is a battle going on in the spiritual realm for my life.  Whatever plans God has for the next season of my life, the kingdom of darkness is opposing it.  Satan does not want me to yield to God's purpose.  He does not want to see me bring vision into peoples' lives, to see captives set free by the truth of God's Word, to see broken lives heal, forgive, love, and be filled with joy. So he will meddle in my life.  He will bring fear, temptation, and cause me to beat myself up over little things.  When God convicts me of sin, he will play the role of an accuser, telling me I'm not fit for God's use.

 So what does this mean for me?  It means I have to fight.  It means I have to look to Jesus, to the Word of God.  It means I have to wrestle with God in prayer and command the enemy to leave me.  It means I constantly have to pray that God would speak truth to me and that I will be able to discern it.  I fight against a kingdom I cannot see, because I'm in the midst of a war.

As Christians, I don't think we fight enough.  I don't think we're mindful enough of what goes on in the spiritual realm.  Part of it is because we can't see it.  Part of it is because this war is fought with intangible weapons.  Our weapons are not carnal, but mighty through God and able to pull down strongholds (2 Cor. 10:4).  Our greatest weapon is prayer and some of us are just too lazy to storm the throne room of God with our prayers.  Also, we seem to forget, that in the name of Jesus, even demons have to obey us.  We have to understand that and believe it.

God has not left us powerless in this battle but we have to use the tools He has given us to fight.

What kind of battle do you find yourself in today?  Pick up your sword and fight!