Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Pondering 18

Okay, so I won't even lie about it. I've been anticipating my birthday this year for far too long. I know it's just one day of the year where I officially turn over from 17 to 18, but it seems somehow more significant this year, almost as if it's a small milestone in my life that I will always recognize. I'm legally considered an adult and I only have two years of my teens left. And although some would beg to differ, I like having my birthday right at the end of the year. There's Christmas, my birthday, and then New Year's; a perfect time of year to look back, reflect, and rejoice in the Lord's goodness and all the blessings He has bestowed upon me that I don't deserve.

When I look over this past year, I can hardly believe what it's all held. Last year had it's own share of blessings: I began to drive, I met some amazing new friends, I was baptized upon my confession of faith, and made many memories. This year, I began a job that I love, met some amazing new people again, read some awesome books, and above all, I finished school. Completing my last two years of school through correspondence was no easy task. I always had a bunch of other things stealing my time and other difficulties arose, so I think I consider it a bigger accomplishment than most graduates would.

And having said that, I can't count how many times I have heard the question “What are you going to do now?” Oh, how often I have wished that I could provide more confident, intelligent answers than those along the lines of “I don't know.” I knew all year that this was coming and thus it has been a year of eagerly anticipating change and fearing it at the same time. In all honesty, I probably have to admit that I'm a fan of consistency, and although I feel somewhat thrilled at the thought of the unknown, it also terrifies me. But it wasn't until just lately that I actually began to feel content about it. Staying in that state of contentedness has at times proven to be more difficult. Only time will tell what I end up doing with my life.

Looking back on this year, I can't help but wonder if I have changed and in what ways. I'm sure I have. I've been asking a lot of questions: Who am I? Do I really know what I believe and can I confidently defend my beliefs? Are my convictions really mine, or are they merely adopted from other people? Because if they're not, then I'm going to sway like a tree whichever way the wind blows and have no real stability as a Christian. I have been deeply challenged in these things, so you could say that I'm also on the road of self-discovery. I've learned the importance of grace (thanks to Pete and The Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll), of Set-Apart Femininity (Leslie Ludy), The Bravehearted Gospel (Eric Ludy) and oh, so much more. Putting these things into practice is a daily effort and I can do them only because of Christ. It's His work in my life and His work of sanctification and consecration will continue until the day I see Him face to face. It is my sincere desire to be a holy vessel, a woman of honour that God can use.

I have no idea what I will be writing one year from now and that's okay. I have confidence in God that it will be good. Until then, I thank all my friends for the blessing you have been to my life. May God bless you in turn beyond anything you could ever imagine!

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